It's ass-early in the morning, and I can't sleep. I just need to get this out, so please bare with me, kids.

Well here it is folks. In a pique of frustration, today I've quit my last and now only job. I had two jobs. Now none. The first was a cleaning job that was going along fine. I got fired for what amounts to wrongful dismissal. The labour board's already been contacted about that, so that's not the problem. The second I quit because if I had to tag one more bloody item while listening to a corporate playlist of stupid songs pulled out of cell phone ads for what's essentially a starvation wage, I was going to scream.

But that was a stupid thing to do. I've got less than a full summer left to save money before I can haul my ass out of this backwards shithole of a town.

Oddly enough, that's not even my biggest concern right now.

While going over my finances and re-juggling how I'm going to manage it all this evening, something occurred to me. The whole thing's a waste of time. Since I was 17 I've been working jobs I hate that have no hope of advancement and piss-poor pay and not having shit to show for it. That said, I just finished 1st year of a degree this spring and am getting myself organized for 2nd year -figuring the most logical way out of this wage-slavery being higher education.

My problem? I have no idea what sort of a career I'd want to aim for. Not a damned clue. And at 23, and with 6 years of the nobly-named "service" jobs under my belt, I'm in need of a change and a shot at a real job. Trouble is, I can only coast in school for one more year (it's an Associate degree) before I have to make a decision. Why haven't I been able to make one?

Because I don't want to do anything. Well, that's not really it, either. I do want to do something. I want to read and learn and be a student of a sort and travel and see the world and try new things and meet new people and go outside my comfort zone completely and just be happy with my life and my existence. THAT is what I want to do with my life.

Most people you'll ever meet make themselves go out and pick a career so they can buy the big TV and the right clothes and pay their mortgage and their car loans and take yearly vacations to the exact same spot at the exact same time every year, so as not to interfere with work. They plan their entire lives around some dumbass job they don't even like, instead of planning their jobs around their lives. And they're miserable sons of bitches for it. How many truly, genuinely happy people do you meet? One or two in a long, long while, and they're generally pretty far apart.

What I want to do -what I think would make me truly, genuinely happy -is not that. I don't want to own or rent a home, or even have a fixed address. I want to get rid of all but my most important possessions, and perhaps have those in storage for safekeeping. I'd have a P.O. Box and an email address and maybe a laptop to stay in touch with those most important to me, and that's it. Not even a phone. I don't want or need a car, because I've got no desire to be a motorist, or pay for the so-called privilege of being one. I want to go wherever and whenever I feel like. An itinerant life appeals to me.

Of course, the big goddamn puzzle is -how could I pay for that? Nothing's free anymore, not even freedom. If I want to do this -and I believe I can, if I can only sort out the details -I'm going to need to figure out some long-term income plan. Though it'd be nice, winning the lottery's far-fetched, and I don't play anyway.

I wish I knew where to start. I've gone over in my mind all the obvious, travel-friendly careers, but all have problems. Travel writer? They get paid by their employers to lie. Airline stewardess or cruiseline worker? It's the same servile, low-paying jobs I've been doing down on terra firma, and you can't pick where you go. Missionary? I don't believe in shoving foreign religion down people's throats, thanks. Archeologist? I'm probably bright enough, but I fail to see the humour in shoving my face in pits of sand and rock for months on end. UN Envoy? I think you're only allowed to be one of those if you're a celebrity of dubious talent.

When I am an old woman, I want to have a story worth telling. I don't want to tell my grandchildren, when they ask about my life, that I spent 40 years underneath fluorescent lights begging for a slip of money. Millions of years of evolution brings us to this? I don't think we were made for that.

It's getting light now, and though I'm done with this post, my mind's still going a mile a minute. I won't be able to sleep. I don't know what I'm looking for here, or why I thought it might be useful to post any of this. I think that I hoped that I'm not the only one.

meow85 said:

You're not, sis. I'm right there with you. I'll be praying for you, too, that you'll get more clarity and that a plan ... and money... will support your dream.

Chin up. You're actually in a good place. A growing, thriving, pivotal one.

you have a goal ... all you need now is a plan ...

while you mention the low-paying shitty jobs, those are the jobs that CAN support this lifestyle in some way because a) you will always find one of those and b) they don't need you to be some ambitious yup. I've known people giving in to that BS a few months a year and be on the road travelling the other part of the year. Once you know it's at your own terms, it may be much easier.

But you gotta know that for finding gold, you gotta sift through a lot of dirt.

I hope it all works out for ya

ThreadBare said:

Thank you.




I'm not even all that concerned about the money. As long as I'm not starving and not stranded anywhere for lack of funds, it'd be more than enough.

What I need is a plan...

You seem to know what you want more than most ppl your age.

Some ppl love routine and love to live the dream of the house, car and kids.

If you are not interested in all of that mess then you should just go for your dreams.
I am 37 and I still do not know what I want to do with my life.

All I know is traveling is awesome and I am so glad for the traveling that I have done so far.

I wish you the best and I hope you sort out what will be best for you to obtain your dream.

BlueZebra said:

I thought about doing it that way. But it does set up a new problem. In most parts of Canada you need, if not a fixed address, then a fixed phone number, to get a job like that. And anywhere else in the world requires a work visa, and to get one of those you need -yup -an address. So I'd still have to find a place to buy or rent at least part of the year, and have bills, rent, and/or a mortgage to stress over.

As for the money aspect, the pay in and of itself isn't the problem. I don't really mind making low pay. What is the problem is making next to minimum wage to let customers and employers shit all over you, which is exactly what happens in those kinds of jobs. Whoever said these starter jobs weren't demeaning or degrading never had to work one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining for me. After working like this for over half a decade, I've come to the conclusion that noone should have to put up with being treated like insects by the people they're barely paid to serve. A human being doesn't deserve to be screamed at and bossed around all day just to have the luxury of eating store-brand canned beans for dinner because their paycheque won't cover anything edible.

Maybe I could get a job travelling around, forcing CEO's of corporations to clean and serve in their stores, hotels, resorts, and restaurants, and really get the full experience....

shanti0608 said:

Thank you, too.

The car and the house I can do without completely. Kids I wouldn't mind, and if they appear on the scene, I'd just take them with me. After all, different social and tribal groups all over the world developed as nomads -it can't possibly be as impossible to travel with children as some people like to believe. Personally, I think that's just an excuse for not going anywhere. My mother travelled more than most and just brought my sister and I along. She says it really was no harder than travelling alone or with adults, except that she needed to allot more time for sleep. My Native ancestors were nomadic. Clearly they brought children with them wherever they went. It can be done.

Thank you, shanti, threadbare, and zebra.

:l:

Hon...you're in the perfect position right now to apply for finanical aid for school. I'm sure you could get a Pell Grant and that's 100 percent of your tuition and books. Good luck!

meow85 said:

This doesn't describe most of the people I've met.

But then again, I was raised in hippietown.

I can relate to what you're saying, though.

applekisses said:

Do they have Pell Grants in Canadialand?

FunkMistress said:

I don't know...do you? My mistake for thinking she was from the US. Maybe there is something equivilent there.

good for you! you are more self-aware than most people are at your stage in life. in the words of john mayer you are having your quarter-life crisis.

a lot of people go through life without ever fully awakening to the fact that they are masters of their own destiny, designers of their own fate. it isn't going to be easy to live your life fully awake, but it's well worth the effort imo. hang in there.



it's okay to not know the answers to these questions right now. and, alas, even if you do find out what you want to do it might change down the road.

my advice, for what it's worth, is to maybe study for a couple of years at a vocational or trade school and learn a useful, lucrative skill that will catapult you to a higher income bracket while you figure out what you really want to do with your life. then you can go back to school and get your degree in whatever field you choose.

i think you are more than smart enough to get where you want to go, and i think you will do so given time.

Suck it up. Seriously. If you can suck up the job for a paycheck, you can achieve everything else. And not all "jobs" are soul destroying. Keep looking until you find one you can stand. Maybe it's at a little indie coffee shop, or record store or something less coroporate-y.

I've managed to travel the world by working the corporate life. No degree here and yet I get 5 weeks of paid time off a year to do whatever I damn well please. I've managed to stretch my income into traveling to London, Paris, Rome, Florence, Amsterdam, Toronto, New York, LA, Las Vegas, New Orleans, Miami and on and on and on. I've got little in the way of posessions, but several years of amazing experiences. And all cause I've realized that what I do to fund those adventures is very far from what defines me as a person. And along the way I've stepped out of jobs I found myself dreading to go to every day and found something tolerable to move into.

Of course, if you find a way to fund it all without having a job or by the world's most fun job like making lollipops or something, I'm all ears. And you'llbe my hero.

Aww, believe me, you definitely are not alone. I don't have a clue of what to do with my life either, and I'm 45 years of age. I have been doing Administrative Assistant work for over 20 years, but am now sick of it, and would love to do something new. I have thought about going back to school (since I don't have a college education), but even if I did get a degree, who the hell would hire me? I'm over 40 now, and it seems like a lot of companies prefer 20-something and 30-something year olds. I probably would not stand a stone's throw chance in hell at being hired, since more and more companies are demanding degrees now. Even for what I do, which I don't exactly feel is fair, but that is another story. (No, I am not feeling sorry for myself here or looking for sympathy, I'm just telling it like it honestly is). Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel right now, because I'm going thru the same thing myself. What are your interests? What would you be interested in learning about? That probably would be the best way to get an idea of what to study in college. You're young yet, and getting a college degree is important. I regret not going to school getting one now. Good luck, I know you will figure it all out.
[Edited 6/12/08 14:29pm]

applekisses said:

I've already got a Student Loan arranged for next year. Trouble is, I can only coast without a plan for next year, then after that any schooling will have to be done with a career in mind. Much as I'd like to be a perpetual student, I can't live off the part-time wages I'd be making as a student

CarrieMpls said:

I don't have a problem having a job, if I can only figure out what I could do. My problem is there's not a lot of market for a person who doesn't want to stay anywhere for more than a few weeks at a time. It's not the job that's soul-crushing, it's the staying in one place.

psychodelicide said:

Thank you.

My interests? I want not to be tied down to any one place. I want to travel. I want to read and be learning forever. I want to do something positive for the world. That's all pretty vague, but that's as far as I've got.

As far as school goes, so far my strengths appear to be Psychology, Sociology, and History of Rock Music (that's an actual course out here!)

meow85 said:

how about tech writing? something like that, or maybe summarizing medical records or such. you could work from home once you were established.

meow85 said:

You're very welcome. Psychology has always sounded interesting to me. It would be neat to learn why people think the way they think, why people do what they do, etc.

XxAxX said:

Freelance writing is a good idea. We have several people that write freelance for our magazines and I have no idea where they live.

And meow, if you need a phone number and address just for documentation, can't you use a cell phone and the address of a relative?

meow85 said:

I know people with jobs they would rather really not talk about, nothing in particular jobs, they spend all day answering the phone and writing emails, but what do they actually DO?!
You need a career in research of some sort I reckon, where you can learn and learn and learn some more.

My step cousin went to university for 8 years or something, and emerged at the other end some kind of world expert on something (I wish I wasn't so hazy on the details ) and she travels the world consulting with her wealth of expertise. She was not even 28 and had been to every continent for "work".

ZombieKitten said:

8 years, wow!

psychodelicide said:

the last few years were research

ZombieKitten said:

Sounds like a very-well educated person.

Have you thought about some type of volunteer service ~ Habitat For Humanity, Bird Sanctuaries, Clean Water projects in Ghana, Mentoring kids in Inner cities ~ there are endless opportunities, in any venue you can imagine, all over the world. Many of the organizations will provide room and board, although you sometimes have to get to the site on your own. Many pay a stipend as well and the experience you'll gain would be incredible and could lead you to what you want to ultimately do as your life's work. What exciting prospects for you!

meow85 said:

I've sort of been in this situation before and still am to some degree. It's taken me many, many years and a lot of recent heartache, but I finally realized after 17 years that the crappy job that I've had since I was a teenager is actually what I want to do for a living. Somewhere along the way, I actually grew to love it. So who knows what's out there that you want to do. You may even up getting stuck doing it for the rest of your life before you even realize that it's what you actually wanted to do all along.

But seriously....and pardon me if I'm being a little too blunt...if you quit a job in this economy because of the muzak playlist, then you don't really deserve one. I hope you were exaggerating or I misinterpreted that.

meow85 said:

I was in a similar position when I was your age. I bounced around from major to major trying to decide what to do (I wanted to get a degree in computer graphic design back then and I couldn't find a school around here that offered it) and I remember my sister telling me that I just had to pick SOMETHING so I could graduate and get a job.
The advice she gave me was right for me. I was so sick of working three part-time jobs with no healthcare benefits and still living below the poverty level. It took me 10 years to get my B.A. because I was working and going mostly part-time to school and after working for 10 years I'm back in school to get a degree in what I wanted to do in the first place - graphic design. It happens to fit in with the career that I'm currently in so it's just making me more marketable.
I guess what I'm saying is that maybe if you can find a major that is even remotely interesting to you, you can possibly make enough money to live on and have the benefit of exploring your options later. I know it can be frustrating and scary if you need to talk send me an orgnote, ok?

psychodelicide said:

I think when it was so highly specialised and on the frontier like that, the university paid her a wage or am I getting my cousins mixed up I know my other one stayed on after she did her PhD and can live quite comfortably off what they pay her, and she is doing what she is passionate about!