OK, I'm not asking if you want to grow old and die alone here.



I'm asking, do you foresee yourself growing old and dying alone?
I've noticed that folks in their 30s seem who are long-time single seem to feel as if they will grow old and die alone.

I personally, have never given it much thought as I never
pictures myself being 'in' a relationshp in old age.

But as I get older, I'm realizing how much I've missed out
on being single, carefree (seemingly), and able to go and
do whatever I've wanted to do.

The riot of youth eventually gives way
and in your 30s you have to sober up more or less.
The clock keeps ticking.

I see it more and more as I look around me.
Folks becoming almost overcome with hopelessness.

I guess because i've never wanted family or kids, etc.
that it never hit me as hard.

I'm asking, do you foresee yourself growing old and dying alone?

Not at all


Oh ... this is just for the single people ?

I'm pretty sure this is my future. And I'm fairly accepting of it, though it's not my first choice. lol. But it seems to be the realistic outcome.

well, barring the chance that things don't work out...

when i hit sixty i will clone myself and never be alone again

Mach said:

i don't see why it should just be a question for the single people...nothing is guaranteed in life, after all, and i think the way we visualize our lives is way more potent in the scheme of fate than investing fully in the reality of this very second and assuming forever is always going to be like right now.

not to be, like, a debbie downer or anything.

Imago said:

I don't think I've missed out on a thing, though. Everyone's got their own path so I'm only speaking for myself, but I KNOW if I'd have gotten married and heaven forbid had children before now I definitely would feel I'd missed out on a lot. From travel to living alone to being carefree, etc.

you come into this world alone and you will leave this world alone, regardless if you are single or coupled

Anxiety said:

true. nothing in life is guaranteed. the happiest of situations can change in a heartbeat due to a drunk driver, cancer or other X factors....

Anxiety said:

Life can chage in huge ways in the blink of an eye

I dont see this as a debbie downer thing at all

I see it as one foot planted in reality. The way we visualize our lives is veryimportant as long as that foot remains there

horatio said:

I agree with this sentiment, generally.

And even if I didn't agree with it in spirit, the chances are unlikely that a couple will die at the same time. So one of us is going to die alone!

I think it's one of my biggest fears. When I see the ederly shopping alone or having trouble getting from one place to the next. I don't have a lot of family and I'm gay, so no kids to look after me either. It's also one of the things keeping me around in my relationship. I know it shouldn't, as my partner could die at anytime then I'd be alone. But still there is that inherent fear and I deal with it the best I can.

I'm not all that concerned with it. I can thrive in a relationship or alone. I can be miserable in a relationship or alone.

If I want to be with someone, I will be. If I don't, I won't. Being with someone or being alone is just the surface layer in determining happiness.

I guess this type of thing doesn't matter to me. After watching a lot of my friends with their relationship drama, I am pretty damn happy to be single. I enjoy my company very much and don't expect that to change.

Stymie said:

it really is easier, sometimes. and i've found that if you can't be happy alone, then you probably aren't going to be happy in a relationship for very long either.

Stymie said:

There's a big part of me that feels this as well. I'm all I've got, I've got to be happy with me first.

But there's another part of me that sees the joy and love and I feel like I'm missing out if I don't ever get to have that in my future. I want love and affection. No question about it. It's the little things, like waking up in the arms of a man who loves me. It'll be a damn shame if I never get to experience that again in my life.

And yet, I don't know how to make that happen. I rarely meet men I'm interested in, men never take an interest in me (that I can tell anyway) and I'd much rather be alone than in a relationship just for the sake of it. So alone is likely how I'll spend my life.

i think our culture places an unrealistic value on romantic love.

as someone once said, it's "the dream we all dream of....."

ther are a LOT of things to live for in life besides romantic love, and many are far worthier

Xcalibre said:

i should rephrase that. even if you're in a relationship that could be happy... if you aren't happy with yourself at a particular time in your life, then you aren't going to be happy regardless of whether you're in the relationship or not. a relationship can be a great band-aid, but usually that's all it acts as when you're internally unhappy with yourself.

To appreciate the importance of fitting every human soul for independent action, think for a moment of the immeasurable solitude of self. We come into the world alone, unlike all who have gone before us; we leave it alone under circumstances peculiar to ourselves. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Solitude of Self

XxAxX said:

i think i agree.

i think we're brought up with a really unrealistic and hyperidealized concept of what romantic love IS, based on sappy pop songs and sandra bullock movies and hallmark cards and harlequin novels, etc. etc. etc., and we're told that if THAT ONE MAGICAL PERSON does THAT ONE MAGICAL THING then you will be TOGETHER FOREVER and it will be MAGICAL.

well, screw that.

eventually they're going to fart in front of you and they're going to eat the last of the ice cream you were fantasizing about all day at work and they're going to do all manner of things that are annoying and less than MAGICAL, and you know what? that's OKAY. because that's PART of romantic love.

that's why i think it's fine to have "deal breakers" and standards and to proceed with caution when someone takes your breath away from across the room. spending the rest of your life with someone means putting up with a potential mountain of annoying bullshit, and you better know what you're willing to put up with and what's a no-go, or else you'll end up doomed and broken up and you'll be bitter and cynical and you'll think that romance is a lie, all because you didn't realize Mr. Perfect enjoyed picking his nose and flicking his boogers across the room when you're watching tv together at night.

I have no doubt in my mind that I will not grow old alone.

Anxiety said:

XxaxX
&
ANX

Anxiety said:

well said!

and for the record i actually sort of like his flaws. he's so cool that if he didn't have any he'd be intimidating. so the imperfection of his occasional burps, nose hairs, etc. that's okay with me.

but i think we should all be comfortable living alone, happy with ourselves as the foundation for life, single or with someone else.

not that i am an expert.

CarrieMpls said:

I can dig this. There have been pangs of lonliness when I see people together who genuinely look happy and in love. I am in love myself and it can't be and I miss him soooo much but I look at the lessons he's taught me: someone loved me in spite of myself, in spite of my looniness and three kids and two stomachs and despite I am not a supermodel. That what gets me through my day and I have had the type of love I needed and always wanted. And with that, I am okay with being alone.

If I grow old alone and die old and alone, it will be of my own doing...I can be such an asshole...

Imago said:

Hopelessness over aging? or dying?

I just wish the AARP would stop sending me advertisements in the mail.

this thread is sucking the life out of my good mood.

newpower99 said:

I know I will be alone I gave up on having a husband and family years ago. I get tired of seeing my friends in shytty relationships and drama so I am happy alone. I know what I will and will not accept from a potential partner so I always try to broaden my horizons to do and try new things!!! Plus my family members I was close with even parents are dead now and I am estranged from the rest of them. I am okay with that and have been for 16 yrs.

I have no doubt in my mind that I will not grow to see old.