So far I have not shared any of the articles I have written about my past and my cousin's death, or even spoken about them with my broader family. My immediate family has read my first article about my experience with domestic abuse but that happened totally by accident.

I had printed it out to give to a friend and I took it home with me and the next morning I woke up late and I was like a chicken with my head cut off to get out of the house on time and I left the article by our front door. I got to work and I went when I realized I had left it there. I did want to share with my mom, my sisters and my brothers but I wanted to talk to them first, to brace them for the shock


When I got home I found out that my sister found the article, she read it and then gave it to my brother to read and then showed it to my mom and she read it too. In the article I said the following:

I watched my mother go to the ends of the earth for a man who did not deserve her undying devotion and love. When I left my boyfriend I knew I didn't want that to be me. I wanted to come to a place where I could give my love to someone who deserved to have it.


Before sharing it with my mother, I would have preferred to preface that part. Well I walked into my mom's room.....Mommy? We talked about it and we ended up having a 5 hour conversation which was great. In many ways my mom has not healed from the past. She's put all kinds of bandaids but never properly addressed the wounds. It was really great to tell her where I stand in my life. My brother only said sorry you got hit bro and my sister, who is still dealing with her abuser said absolutely nothing. She still hasn't to this day and it's been almost 4 years since I wrote that first article.

Well a couple months ago my dog got really sick. I came home and noticed that his testicles were swollen and I thought maybe he had an infection or something. Then I noticed his whole backside was swollen. I took him outside to see if he could use the restroom and he could barely stand but he did go pee. He just walked over to the doghouse and curled up and just laid there. He was completely lethargic and uninterested in attention. He is 12 years old and so I thought maybe this was his time to go.

Well I didn't have my car to take him to the vet so I had to ask my dad to help me and so my dad came over in my grandpa's truck and he took me and the dog to get him checked out. The dog was diagnosed with liver problems and we have since given him antibiotics and a treatment and he is doing much better. Much much better. Well on the way back from the vet my dad and I started talking. We were talking about my sister and the stupid ass that she still entertains having in her life.

Having been abused myself I understand the fear and the confusion that leads someone to stay. And there is a whole element of fear involved as this person has killed my mother's dog, vandalized our cars, threatened to burn our house down, has beaten up most of my family members and every time we involve the cops, they never do shit to him. Never. For god sakes they found drugs on him the last time we called them to our house and they let him go and didn't take away his vehicle! But that's another thread entirely....

For a long time since writing that article, and the 2 about my cousin's death, I have wondered how I would approach my father about the things I have written. Well as we were talking on the way home from the vet, the moment just seemed right. So for the first time I acknowledged that I was gay. He obviously knows this but we have never spoken about it. Well I told him that I understand why my sister is still dealing with her abuser and that I was in a relationship where I had been abused and that I had written about it and that it changed my life. My dad said he knew about it as, of all people, my sisters abuser told him years ago when I had left him.

So this situation gave me an opening and really solved how I was going to approach my father. I couldn't ever figure out how I was going to arrange a meeting and how I was going to apprach it but my dog made this possible This year I plan to approach my dad, aunt/uncle and grandparents about what I've done and how it changed my life and also how my cousin's death has affected me and how I am working to honor her in her death so that her death isn't so senseless. I have been so afraid to do this, not because I don't think I can but because of the pain involved. I need this for myself and I want my family to know that the pain of the past will not define the future.

I need this for myself and I want my family to know that the pain of the past will not define the future.


Amen and best wishes with this

You know this is going to rock yours and their world and THANK goodness

WAKE UP - LIVE

create your life with your thoughts actions and desires

don't stop growing Supa

I love you

Love you Supa!