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PrintableJustErin said: NDRU said: well said!  Don't be mad! You wait, I'm sure I'm about to be crucified in a few.  You home-wrecking WHORE!! | |
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I cheated once. Many moons ago. I wish I could say it was a moral decision to not do it, but really it was just too much work. And in the end, I didn't think it was worth it. Most cheaters are lying to cheat. And in my situation, that's what I had to do to make it work. Neither one knew about the other. So I was constantly dealing with 'can I go here, and avoid the other or someone they know'? That kinda stuff. Soooo not worth it for me.
Now I've suspected that some of the girls I've seen may have been cheating with me. But it's never been confirmed. That's also a situation I prefer not be involved in because ultimately most people are too stupid to pull it off and they almost always get caught. Which can lead to an entirely different set of issues. Dangerous issues. Bad, Bad Issues. | |
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I'm not a fan of Hilliary Clinton's, but not once did it cross my mind she was to blame for Bill's activities.....
People need to take responsibility for their behavior. | |
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xplnyrslf said: I'm not a fan of Hilliary Clinton's, but not once did it cross my mind she was to blame for Bill's activities.....
People need to take responsibility for their behavior. over & over on this thread people have clarified that they are not saying that the cheater is not responsible, only that both spouses play some part in the nature of a relationship. Hillary's part was staying with a man that cheated on her time & time again. She basically told him it was okay. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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violator said: I cheated once. Many moons ago. I wish I could say it was a moral decision to not do it, but really it was just too much work. And in the end, I didn't think it was worth it. Most cheaters are lying to cheat. And in my situation, that's what I had to do to make it work. Neither one knew about the other. So I was constantly dealing with 'can I go here, and avoid the other or someone they know'? That kinda stuff. Soooo not worth it for me.
Now I've suspected that some of the girls I've seen may have been cheating with me. But it's never been confirmed. That's also a situation I prefer not be involved in because ultimately most people are too stupid to pull it off and they almost always get caught. Which can lead to an entirely different set of issues. Dangerous issues. Bad, Bad Issues. That's what I've witnessed. They seem to always get caught somehow. But even if they don't, I wouldn't want to be the 'other person' or the person cheating on his significant other--both seem undesirable to me. Being the other person has a strange 'ick' factor to it--I mean, if someone's willing to lie to their own spouse about you, I doubt they'd be that honest with you , no matter how you may see the situation, and their feelings towards you probably don't run very deep--they certainly didn't with Eddie's pokes. I guess to each their own, but I'd feel rather unimportant in that situation at the very least. Besides, the guys that I know who cheated on their wives always stuck with their wives, if their wives were too stupid to leave them. I mean, hell--Eddie's wife went out and got pregnant after he slept around her with multiple women and admitted it 
And on the flip side, being "Eddie" seemed like it was a whole lot of fuss , and no side-snatch is worth that mess.
As far as dangerous things, his wife slashing her wrists in my front porch could qualify. , [Edited 6/8/08 14:59pm] | |
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NDRU said: xplnyrslf said: I'm not a fan of Hilliary Clinton's, but not once did it cross my mind she was to blame for Bill's activities.....
People need to take responsibility for their behavior. over & over on this thread people have clarified that they are not saying that the cheater is not responsible, only that both spouses play some part in the nature of a relationship. Hillary's part was staying with a man that cheated on her time & time again. She basically told him it was okay. I understand that. If someone, married/living together, hetero, gay, leaves their partner, for someone they've been dating on the side, any continued infidelity by the individual, is some part in the "nature of the (new) relationship". | |
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best to keep it buttoned up!
and the last thing 1 should do is get married. But you don´t get to hear about the 1s who get away with it. probably becuz they don´t want you to know of it small circles, big wheels!
I've got a pretty firm grip on the obvious! | |
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violator said: JustErin said: Don't be mad! You wait, I'm sure I'm about to be crucified in a few. You home-wrecking WHORE!!
I didn't wreck it, it was already wrecked long before he came after me....and contrary to what many people think about all 'other women' I have no interest in being with this person. We're friends are have been for years but it's just about sex for both of us. | |
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JustErin said: violator said: You home-wrecking WHORE!!
I didn't wreck it, it was already wrecked long before he came on me....and contrary to what many people think about all 'other women' I have no interest in being with this person. We're friends are have been for years but it's just about sex for both of us. Fixed your post. | |
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“Almost every friend (male and female) I have has cheated on a partner at some point though and I have been the person that men have cheated on their partner with.”
“I do not set out to go seek out someone else's partner. Why does it happen? In the past, it was a matter of self esteem, any attention was good attention to me.” “I've been cheated on as well and I know just how shitty that makes one feel. I didn't want to be a contributing factor to that kind of hurt.” “XXX, I know you're a great person so who gives a fuck what other people who don't know shit think?”“I would agree to that. Yes, I think that many times the person who was cheated on is somewhat culpable as well.” “It just means that a relationship is comprised of two people and if it's damaged to the point where one person cheats, that's the fault of both people.” “But does a wife that is unwilling to meet the needs of her husband something that is ok or excusable? “I'm not one for marriage either...” “Of course, there are some people who are just jerks with no regard for other's feelings.” “Like I said, I'm not one for marriage. Don't believe in it at all.” “I don't see anyone bashing wives on this thread.” “Most people are fully capable of being with anyone they want.” “..but it's just about sex for both of us.” I’ve collected some of my favorite posts here. Take a look at the circumstances, and available single/divorced men or lack of..... There's double standards with the sexes. Some men, (even those divorced, with families), only want women of a certain age, with no children. They don't want to deal with it. Life just seems to be limited as time goes on, for the female species. Not so much for males. I think it's difficult to be single these days. Take a look at the competition: Young women (or men), with positive outlooks. "Shep" in the movie, "The Upside of Anger" pretty much said it all. [Edited 6/8/08 21:23pm] | |
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JustErin said: violator said: You home-wrecking WHORE!!
I didn't wreck it, it was already wrecked long before he came after me....and contrary to what many people think about all 'other women' I have no interest in being with this person. We're friends are have been for years but it's just about sex for both of us. You're so cute when you're angry. | |
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xplnyrslf said: “Almost every friend (male and female) I have has cheated on a partner at some point though and I have been the person that men have cheated on their partner with.”
“I do not set out to go seek out someone else's partner. Why does it happen? In the past, it was a matter of self esteem, any attention was good attention to me.” “I've been cheated on as well and I know just how shitty that makes one feel. I didn't want to be a contributing factor to that kind of hurt.” “XXX, I know you're a great person so who gives a fuck what other people who don't know shit think?”“I would agree to that. Yes, I think that many times the person who was cheated on is somewhat culpable as well.” “It just means that a relationship is comprised of two people and if it's damaged to the point where one person cheats, that's the fault of both people.” “But does a wife that is unwilling to meet the needs of her husband something that is ok or excusable? “I'm not one for marriage either...” “Of course, there are some people who are just jerks with no regard for other's feelings.” “Like I said, I'm not one for marriage. Don't believe in it at all.” “I don't see anyone bashing wives on this thread.” “Most people are fully capable of being with anyone they want.” “..but it's just about sex for both of us.” I’ve collected some of my favorite posts here. Take a look at the circumstances, and available single/divorced men or lack of..... There's double standards with the sexes. Some men, (even those divorced, with families), only want women of a certain age, with no children. They don't want to deal with it. Life just seems to be limited as time goes on, for the female species. Not so much for males. I think it's difficult to be single these days. Take a look at the competition: Young women (or men), with positive outlooks. "Shep" in the movie, "The Upside of Anger" pretty much said it all. [Edited 6/8/08 21:23pm] Since I was quoted a lot, I'll respond...but I am not really even sure what you just said or were implying.
A little clarity would be nice...but I think you were trying to imply that someone like me (or Ivy) is not desirable to other single men because I'm of a certain age and have children so we just settle for married men because we have to...? If that's what you're saying, it's totally laughable, dude cuz it's totally not like that at all. But hey, that's cool. Think what you want. I also find it interesting that you chose to partially quote stuff...making it only about men cheating on their wives, when the entire time I said both men and women do it and constantly mentioned that. | |
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violator said: JustErin said:
I didn't wreck it, it was already wrecked long before he came after me....and contrary to what many people think about all 'other women' I have no interest in being with this person. We're friends are have been for years but it's just about sex for both of us. You're so cute when you're angry.
I'm always cute! | |
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NDRU said: Anxiety said: it's the only option in my experience. it just depends on which man. but surely a woman played a part like, say, "Madonna played on the stereo whilst the boys did their dirty deeds?" madonna's female? i guess that makes sense. | |
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this is one of those topics that is really difficult to discuss in a forum like this, because i think it's SUCH an incredibly subjective and private situation that one person's judgment/opinion is never going to 100% apply to another person's situation, yet this is a topic where we let our personal situations color what we think should apply to everyone...before ya know it, we're projecting more shit than a film festival.
i THINK (?) i understand where stymie was headed when she suggested the other partner might be complicit in someone cheating in a relationship. i've known people in relationships who have felt so backed in that to attempt leaving the relationship would be such a large risk, they decide to just stay in it, not make any waves, and go through the motions. they may have decided to do it for the children. they may have decided to do it because they're entangled in so much financial obligations, the logistics of a breakup would be staggering; or it could be just flat-out emotional blackmail..."if you leave me you're going to be sorry you were ever born." i think if cheating could be "justified" (for lack of a much less permissive word), it would be in these situations. i'm not saying people "should" cheat in these situations or that they have an entitlement to it, but it makes more sense than someone who's just bored and wants to get their snoopy wet just cuz they think they can get away with it. | |
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JustErin said: xplnyrslf said: “Almost every friend (male and female) I have has cheated on a partner at some point though and I have been the person that men have cheated on their partner with.”
“I do not set out to go seek out someone else's partner. Why does it happen? In the past, it was a matter of self esteem, any attention was good attention to me.” “I've been cheated on as well and I know just how shitty that makes one feel. I didn't want to be a contributing factor to that kind of hurt.” “XXX, I know you're a great person so who gives a fuck what other people who don't know shit think?”“I would agree to that. Yes, I think that many times the person who was cheated on is somewhat culpable as well.” “It just means that a relationship is comprised of two people and if it's damaged to the point where one person cheats, that's the fault of both people.” “But does a wife that is unwilling to meet the needs of her husband something that is ok or excusable? “I'm not one for marriage either...” “Of course, there are some people who are just jerks with no regard for other's feelings.” “Like I said, I'm not one for marriage. Don't believe in it at all.” “I don't see anyone bashing wives on this thread.” “Most people are fully capable of being with anyone they want.” “..but it's just about sex for both of us.” I’ve collected some of my favorite posts here. Take a look at the circumstances, and available single/divorced men or lack of..... There's double standards with the sexes. Some men, (even those divorced, with families), only want women of a certain age, with no children. They don't want to deal with it. Life just seems to be limited as time goes on, for the female species. Not so much for males. I think it's difficult to be single these days. Take a look at the competition: Young women (or men), with positive outlooks. "Shep" in the movie, "The Upside of Anger" pretty much said it all. [Edited 6/8/08 21:23pm] Since I was quoted a lot, I'll respond...but I am not really even sure what you just said or were implying.
A little clarity would be nice...but I think you were trying to imply that someone like me (or Ivy) is not desirable to other single men because I'm of a certain age and have children so we just settle for married men because we have to...? If that's what you're saying, it's totally laughable, dude cuz it's totally not like that at all. But hey, that's cool. Think what you want. I also find it interesting that you chose to partially quote stuff...making it only about men cheating on their wives, when the entire time I said both men and women do it and constantly mentioned that. Any quotes I made, were copied and pasted from those posted. Feel free to qualify those quotes, it you disagree. Perhaps I'm making the same generalizations you have: In my field, based on my experiences, 6-7 $$$ figure surgeons are not "dating" anything, other than what I described. We all have our own experiences. I'm not a "dude", by the way. slf sp ck [Edited 6/10/08 21:21pm] | |
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Anxiety said: this is one of those topics that is really difficult to discuss in a forum like this, because i think it's SUCH an incredibly subjective and private situation that one person's judgment/opinion is never going to 100% apply to another person's situation, yet this is a topic where we let our personal situations color what we think should apply to everyone...before ya know it, we're projecting more shit than a film festival.
it's becomes a problem when folks like Stymie want to fight you for having a differing opinion about this matter from her own..... i was agreeing with another adult and neither of us was even addressing her... so who the hell is Stymie to start hell? she'll be the 1st one around here to start with the 'injustices' of the Org about freedom of speech and what isnt right..... but oh.. that exempts herself... no one is to have a differing opinion than hers  ... tough, too bad if she doesnt like it.. everyone in this thread has a right to think what they want on this subject....u dont like what's being said, too bad..leave other people alone.... | |
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yikes.
I didn't mean for this thread to stir such emotions or be so controversial. I was actually going to post a new thread for discussion on abortion to lighten the mood. | |
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Imago said: yikes.
I didn't mean for this thread to stir such emotions or be so controversial. I was actually going to post a new thread for discussion on abortion to lighten the mood. Maybe not though it has been a good read and insight into the way people think and feel  | |
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Imago said: I was actually going to post a new thread for discussion on abortion to lighten the mood. good idea! i believe you should keep your baby because they're worth a fortune on the black market.  | |
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Cheating is a deal breaker,
I stopped dating for the last year because of it.  | |
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xplnyrslf said: JustErin said: Since I was quoted a lot, I'll respond...but I am not really even sure what you just said or were implying.
A little clarity would be nice...but I think you were trying to imply that someone like me (or Ivy) is not desirable to other single men because I'm of a certain age and have children so we just settle for married men because we have to...? If that's what you're saying, it's totally laughable, dude cuz it's totally not like that at all. But hey, that's cool. Think what you want. I also find it interesting that you chose to partially quote stuff...making it only about men cheating on their wives, when the entire time I said both men and women do it and constantly mentioned that. Any quotes I made, were copied and pasted from those posted. Feel free to qualify those quotes, it you disagree. Perhaps I'm making the same generalizations you have: In my field, based on my experiences, 6-7 $$$ figure surgeons are not "dating" anything, other than what I described. We all have our own experiences. I'm not a "dude", by the way. slf sp ck [Edited 6/10/08 21:21pm] "Dude" doesn't mean that I think you're a guy. I call everyone "dude". | |
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JustErin said: xplnyrslf said: Any quotes I made, were copied and pasted from those posted. Feel free to qualify those quotes, it you disagree. Perhaps I'm making the same generalizations you have: In my field, based on my experiences, 6-7 $$$ figure surgeons are not "dating" anything, other than what I described. We all have our own experiences. I'm not a "dude", by the way. slf sp ck [Edited 6/10/08 21:21pm] "Dude" doesn't mean that I think you're a guy. I call everyone "dude". Make that "ma'am".  | |
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xplnyrslf said: JustErin said: "Dude" doesn't mean that I think you're a guy. I call everyone "dude". Make that "ma'am". you want her to call everyone "ma'am"? that could start an interesting trend.  | |
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I'll make an addendum to my previous post:
The same successful professionals, who leave their spouse of umpteen years for a mistress, are back to the same behavior before long, cheating on the new wife. The difference is, she had to sign a pre-nup. Lawyers are good at doling out advice during the divorce process. Leopards don't change their spots.  | |
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Slave2daGroove said: In my experience, people can twist their mind by justifying morally apprehensible shit very easily and then deal with the consequences later.
As someone who is about to get married, I've thought about having sex with one person and what that means to me. This in addition to a lot of other stuff that comes with making a life-long commitment to one person has been really interesting to get my mind around. The fact is, I'm still the same person that I was before getting married so I need to quit trippin. As far as cheating goes, there's no grey areas to me. It is about respect of the person I've committed to, period. Without that respect I'm not in a committed relationship. The chance that I could give the person I respect and love some kind of disease makes me sick to my stomach. As corny as it sounds (and I posted it on the true love thread a few weeks ago), True love is realizing that you are with the person that is perfect for you and all other women are just fantasies of what could have been. If you make a move to chance what you have you'll find that the new woman is more fucked-up than the one you left. It's a realization that some people NEVER come to, I'm looking forward to being married because I FINALLY found her. TY for this Slave, it is always good to hear what real love sounds like.  | |
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I think that some times cheating means different things to different ppl. There's physical and emotional cheating.
I think it is important to discuss your feelings with your partner so everyone knows the boundaries. I think if you are one of those ppl that has to have several love interests and needs attention for others than you should not be in a serious relationship. | |
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Flowerz said: Anxiety said: this is one of those topics that is really difficult to discuss in a forum like this, because i think it's SUCH an incredibly subjective and private situation that one person's judgment/opinion is never going to 100% apply to another person's situation, yet this is a topic where we let our personal situations color what we think should apply to everyone...before ya know it, we're projecting more shit than a film festival.
it's becomes a problem when folks like Stymie want to fight you for having a differing opinion about this matter from her own..... i was agreeing with another adult and neither of us was even addressing her... so who the hell is Stymie to start hell? she'll be the 1st one around here to start with the 'injustices' of the Org about freedom of speech and what isnt right..... but oh.. that exempts herself... no one is to have a differing opinion than hers ... tough, too bad if she doesnt like it.. everyone in this thread has a right to think what they want on this subject....u dont like what's being said, too bad..leave other people alone.... i don't know what all the fur-flying action was about earlier and i really don't wanna know. the only reason i chose to piggyback on what stymie originally said was because i think it's a lot easier to take the side of righteous indignation on this topic - let's face it, we've all been hurt at one time - than it is to try to understand why ostensibly good people make really stupid, selfish decisions - and let's face it, a lot of us have done stupid, selfish things. but it's easier to talk about when we've been hurt than it is to talk about when we've hurt other people. and sometimes the reasons behind why we hurt people can actually be helpful for other people who have been hurt. once we get past the blame game and just want to know "why", it's cool sometimes to understand the other side. i guess that's all i was getting at, whether that's what stymie meant or not.  | |
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Imago said: Has a close friend of yours actually done it successfully and gotten away with it?
Yes. A close friend of mine cheated on her husband a few times and as far as I know, has gotten away with it. She hasn't told me about any liaisons for several years which leads me to believe that it was something she needed to get out of her system at the time. This all occurred before she and her husband had children so that may have something to do with it. | |
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never cheated on any of my past boyfriends or my husband. but one of my past boyfriends cheated on me, and it was the end of the relationship! he wanted me back after that, and i wouldn't go for it! | |
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