Stymie said:

Say the wife is rationing sex, for whatever reason..so what? its their marriage, what business is it of yours or anyone elses? lol. Why do you feel the need to "comfort" the husband?


p.s Im not having a go at you or Erin, just expressing an opinion.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

.. they dont have enough confidence to get their own man ...

Xcalibre said:

yep, i agree

Flowerz said:

That's bullshit but thanks for playing.

Stymie said:

maybe your bullshit.. but too bad.. if the 'shoe fits' .. oh well.. if u have no confidence to find your own man.. that's your life.. and your misery

LleeLlee said:[quote]

Stymie said:

Have a go, Llena. you wouldn't be the first.

And I can't really anser those questions for you. I could but as the org is super judgey, I am going to quit while I'm behind.

Stymie said:

no, dont stop... you talk shit daily.. why stop now? ...she asked a reasonably good question.. and you have no answer now... riiiight..

Flowerz said:

I love when folks' true colors come out on this site.

For the record, if I wanted a relationship, I'd have one. I have had some of the most beautiful people attracted to me for the reasons most important to me. Now, I would absolutely love one of those women who truly don't give a damn to come on here and tell you how they just don't give a fuck about you and they solely insist going after your man for the hell of it. That ain't me. Whay you and 99% of the people on the Org think of me is of no consequence to me.

Flowerz said:

I guess this throws all that super judgey crap you did when first coming on the site out the window don't it? You sought to judge me in P&R about being bisexual and here you are in GD talking about how great sex is and showing your true colors, swearing and shit.

you call talk shit. I call it being brutally honest. Deal with it. Take your personal bullshit agianst me somewhere else.

And like I said, I do have an answer.

Stymie said:

yes, and i love how people like you... who bitch and whine all day here in the Org.. who quote other people (like u did me.. cause no one was talking you) .. and the minute you're challenged.. it's 'oh, whoa is me now' attitude.. and 'oh, im leaving the Org' bullshit..() ... grow up Stymie, .. you want to start something (and u did).. so grow up and suck it up like a woman.. and oh, these were always my colors thank you.. you aint the 1st to feel it

Flowerz said:

Where is the "whoa is me"?

Bitch and whine all day here? No. want to leave the Org? Yeah.

You a challenge? No.

I know some people want ot demonize women who have been the other woman as some kind of monster or someone who can't get their own relationship and that's why I responded to what oyu said, nothing less, nothing more.

And no, these were not always your colors. Throwing bible verses at someone and then coming to GD and spouting this type of garbage is a new shade of boolsheetery.

And you didn't make me feel jack shit except lmao-ery.

LleeLlee said:

it's not anyone's business.. .. too many singles to be messing with a married.. and that's that..

LleeLlee said:[quote]

Stymie said:

Wait a sec, who's comforting the husband? I was just stating the facts that I have seen. I never talked about the motivations of the other woman/man.

And the whole "they can't get a man of their own" is ridiculous. Most people are fully capable of being with anyone they want. I don't think it's usually a case of women or men being rejected by single people so they seek out married people.

Stymie said:

Thats cool, maybe I'll try to answer it..



You think he's chosen you, he's risking it all for you...because youre special. Its a huge boost to the ego right. It makes you feel needed, youre meeting his needs. You also love the excitement, the cloak & dagger stuff. Sorry, but we've dissected where the wife goes wrong, why not address the issues of the other woman?

LleeLlee said:

It very well is probably all those things for many 'other women'.

LleeLlee said:

I doubt most women who have a relationship with a married man choose a married man on purpose but would prefer if he was single. So I guess they fall in love with somebody who happens to be married.

JustErin said:

you said, "But to have the attitude that sex is something that is not an important part of your marriage is ridiculous...and quite honestly unfair. " and "People always are so quick to blame the cheater and label them someone who does not care about the feelings of others, well the wife or husband that is rationing sex or whatever it is isn't caring about the feelings of their spouse as well. "



You dont talk about the motivations of the other woman but it doesnt take a genius to figure out what they are from your quotes immediately above.

LleeLlee said:

The above scenario os probably true for some women, not for me. When I was involved with a married man, it was someone I had known from childhood, someone I had been involved with romantically on and of for over 15 years.

LleeLlee said:

Um, my quotes simply explain why some seek whatever they are lacking elsewhere and says nothing about the motivations of the third party.

JustErin said:

But it does, i.e sympathy for the "poor" husband. you use terms like "unfair" and "not caring about the feelings of their spouse." These are motivations for the other woman.

LleeLlee said:

Ok, fair enough. That absolutely can be motivation for the other person...I just wasn't implying that it was when I said that....because I can tell you right now that it's certainly not always like that.

ZombieKitten said:

basically, yeah, and fell into the same traps as the women who act stupid in the same situations waiting for the person to leave their spouses, when they never have that intention.

Rightly said:

That's just seedy...poor deceived sandwich.

go visit, but go prepared. Bring your own sharp steak knife in case they barbecue. I doubt there are any sharp utensils in the house.



I'd say thanks but no thanks, you guys ruined my small party.

I could never cheat. I probably wouldn't even be able to get it up out of sheer guilt,

Stymie said:

It wasn't on this thread, something along the lines of "hot, married snatch" if I recall

Stymie said:

um okay.

i guess i just interpreted some posts incorrectly.

I've never cheated on any of my boyfriends, and I don't THINK i've been cheated on before...but I do know that people are human. Mistakes do happen, but its a difference when you continually cheat knowing that you are hurting your significant other. I guess thats why I don't cheat because I believe in karma, although I can say that there were times when I wanted to cheat because I wasn't getting what I needed from the guy I was with at the time. But I instead felt that if the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't want him cheating on me because of that, and I chose to tell him how I felt and broke up with him.

Stymie said:

And no, I did not read what that article said. What does it say?[/quote]


From webmd p2 of the link I posted: (page two of the article has the most data.)



“The Flawed and the Faithful continued...

Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a marriage and family therapist and author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide, says he thinks some people who cheat are what he calls "pursuers," who are also called womanizers when they are men. "They tend to require great numbers of conquests and they perceive them as conquests," Lusterman tells WebMD. "I see that as a developmental flaw in an individual, as opposed to an affair frequently being a function of some disruption in the couplehood. They're very different things."
In clinical terms, he says, pursuers often have a narcissistic personality disorder. They crave and demand affection and attention but are not able to return it in kind.
Those who aren't pursuers may be susceptible to an affair because they are not aware that something is amiss or lacking in the relationship. Given the attention of another man or woman, "they just suddenly feel more special," says Luanne Cole Weston, PhD, a psychologist and expert moderator of WebMD's Sex Matters® message boards. "They ceased to feel as special in their own first relationship."
Others are well aware of their frustration and they actively seek what they want outside the relationship. "I do hear some variation of that quite frequently," Priya Batra, PsyD, a women's health psychologist in the Kaiser Permanente health care system, tells WebMD.
The proverbial midlife crisis can be another trigger for cheating, "And then you have the younger person who hasn't tasted enough of everything who maybe committed prematurely," Weston says.
Infedility by the Numbers
A lot of the statistics on infidelity floating around are dubious. Some say that as many as 50% of women cheat on their husbands, and 70% of men step out on their wives.
More reliable and believable data come from the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. About 15% of women surveyed in 2002 said they'd ever had sex with someone besides their spouse while married, and 22% of men had. Roughly 2% of women and 4% of men had done so in the past year.
It's clear that men are more prone to infidelity, and notably, the longer they live, the more likely they are to cheat. According to the 1992 National Health and Social Life Survey, 37% of men aged 50-59 had ever had an extramarital affair, compared with just 7% of men aged 18-29. The men's percentages went up steadily in each age range, whereas for women, the most perfidious were the baby boomers, born between 1943 and 1952. About 20% of them reported ever having had an affair, but in all other age ranges, infidelity hovered between 11% and 15%.”
[Edited 6/8/08 13:37pm]

There’s also a book written by Judith Lipton and David Barash, “The Myth of Monogamy”.One book review:
“Applying new research to sex in the animal world, esteemed scientists David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton dispel the notion that monogamy comes naturally. In fact,as The Myth of Monogamy reveals, biologists have discovered that for nearly every species, cheating is the rule -- for both sexes.

Reviewing findings from the same DNA fingerprinting science employed in the courtroom, Barash and Lipton take readers from chickadee nests to chimpanzee packs to explain why animals cheat. (Some prostitute themselves for food or protection, while others strive to couple with genetically superior or multiple mates.) The Myth of Monogamy then illuminates the implications of these dramatic new findings for humans, in our relationships, as parents, and more.”

The Myth of Monogamy at last brings scientific insight into this emotionally charged aspect of the ultimate dating and marriage quandary."

The authors of the book have been married for 25 years, and believe in monogamy.
It just takes work and commitment.
[Edited 6/8/08 13:52pm]