horatio said:

I'm not sure what the "norm" is, I just know what works for me and what doesn't. And while I have few (if any) regrets, I know that I never found what I was looking for, so to speak.

horatio said:

I probably had to go through all that experimentation to realize it wasn't what I wanted, if that's what you mean. But isn't that what your 20's are for?

I have been cheated on, I have been the person that someone else has cheated with but I have never cheated on anyone. Me cheating with someone will will make me be a bad guy in someone else's eyes but so.fucking.what. Shit happens. I do not set out to go seek out someone else's partner. Why does it happen? In the past, it was a matter of self esteem, any attention was good attention to me. Closer to the present, I have been driven by lust and sometimes love. I had not been able to control falling for someone. Today? I would love to sit here and say it's never going to happen again. I hope not. I will try to control myself but please know that men are out there actively seeking other women for a reason. So, when folks wanna blame the other person, those they are of course at fault, take a look at yourselves as well.

I know people think folks like me are whores, tacky, classless, etc., but the assumption the other person is going to give a man or woman a disease is laughable. First up, if you are out cheating and don't wrap up, you're a bit of a moron.

abierman said:

There a good portion of fellas I know through work who "play away", a lot It ain't good. Quite shocking when it's happeing in front of your face. It still doesn't sit well with me when I witness it whilst out with my work mates.

What can you do? It's like an unwritten rule in "boy's clubs".

CarrieMpls said:

thats another thing, some people go and get married off soon as the get out of high school or soon there after, then years later they want to go out and see what they missed.
Different things happen at different times for people for many reasons.
Ive always found it peculiar and fascinating that many stories about French revolve around older attached people getting younger persons and visa versa.
And that it seems to be the norm. Almost expected.

I was lucky enough to have my first serious girlfriend cheat on me.
That was pain like i'd never known before, and i made a vow then and there that i'd NEVER make anyone else feel that way.

So i've never cheated. It's the easiest thing in the world to NOT do. If you want to fuck somebody else, BE HONEST ABOUT IT AND LEAVE. How hard is that to do?

I dated a married woman when I was younger. She got away with it as far as I knew, but I think part of the reason she did it was that the husband was barely there, even when he was there.

I think maybe it was even a test to see if he ever noticed anything. I actually met him and he knew that I "hung out" with this woman. He never seemed jealous of his wife going to a movie with me.

I'm not proud of this BTW!

Stymie said:

Listen, I've been with dudes that were in not so serious relationships but I always told myself that I would never, ever, EVER mess with a married man - especially if they had children. I've been cheated on as well and I know just how shitty that makes one feel. I didn't want to be a contributing factor to that kind of hurt.

But I can now say that I have slept with two married men. One was my ex. We were on and off for 10 years and remained very close friends. It only happened twice (he was engaged the first time - married the second) in the span of about 3 years.

I am now sexually involved with someone (that I used to be involved with years ago) that is married and who claims that his marriage is ending so this is why he is doing this. Whether this is true or not, I dunno. It's a bit more complicated than what I am willing to get into here...but does his wife know about me? Fuck no. Is it all on the down low? Yes.

I too know that people will think I am some kind of home wrecking whore but hey, whatevs.

Ivy, I know you're a great person so who gives a fuck what other people who don't know shit think?

Oh, and am I infected with stds?? No.

ButterscotchPimp said:

I disagree. Not cheating can be hard, especially when it's just about sex. You don't just throw everything away for some pussy, no matter how fine she is. But just because it might be very tempting because you can actually get away with it, doesn't mean you should do it.

JustErin said:

STD's are no laughing matter.

ButterscotchPimp said:

I have never cheated either, but we all don't know in what situations we will be in the future and how we will feel and act then. If we knew marriages would last and people wouldn't divorce. And I don't agree about being honest and leaving being so easy. Every situation is different and there is not only black and white and right and wrong, but also grey areas.

eikonoklastes said:

But I wouldn't really know if that's true or not.

eikonoklastes said:

I also think we can love more than one person. Over the course of a lifetime with someone, I'd be surprised if we don't meet another very special person and we're put in a very difficult situation of having to make a decision that won't feel good however you decide.

NDRU said:

I totally agree. With every word.

ButterscotchPimp said:

For some, it is obviously hard: having a partner or spouse you love but not getting what you want or need from that person but being able to get it elsewhere. Some men want to feel good and they don't get that at home as some women treat sex like they are rationing it out.

I think it´s wrong not to cheat
It´s also wrong to allow yourself to become completely dependent on 1 person.


marriage is unnatural and wrong

be true to yourselves, kids!

senik said:

True, there's a 'code'.....and it's utter BS. The worst was when I was with the guys in the Dutch Caribbean (Curacao) for a wedding of a friend a few years back. One of the guys was fooling around with a girl at the wedding, they had sex. Now this guy has a lovely girlfriend at home who had just given birth to his second child. A week after we got back he threw a party to celebrate the birth of his son, it was really hard to see him portray himself as the loving father/partner.....it totally sucked. But yes, what can you do?

My father's been married three times (first to my mother) and cheated on all but his last wife.

My mother's been married four times (first to my father) and was cheated on by all but her last husband.

My older sister's been married twice. She cheated on her first husband, has not cheated on her second.

Needless to say, I have very strong feelings about cheating on spouses.

I've been married for 19 years and while I can appreciate a good looking man, I do not even entertained the notion of cheating on my husband. As blueblossum said, the look on his face... I cannot even go there.

It's a pretty intense issue for me period.

Stymie said:

I don't know if I'm reading this correctly.
Are you saying, if a spouse cheats on you, you're also responsible for the act?

I've never cheated on a boyfriend, when single, nor my spouse. I have no interest for a multitude of reasons.
-I married at age 28, and had plenty of time to play the field, beforehand.
-I can't pull off the deception. There's too much lying that goes on.
-There's others to think about, with a family: like kids, and how it would destroy a marriage,



I have a friend, who cheated on her husband multiple times. He never found out.
She had low self esteem, and thought, by having sex with others, made her "desirable". Anyone she would have married, she would have cheated on.
Her husband was a great guy, too.
[Edited 6/6/08 14:43pm]

xplnyrslf said:

I would agree to that. Yes, I think that many times the person who was cheated on is somewhat culpable as well.

JustErin said:

Wow...

JustErin said:

That's like blaming the victim.

xplnyrslf said:

That's like blaming a woman for getting raped.

xplnyrslf said:

Not in every case, but IMHO, if you are in a relationship, if the dynamics of it are so off that you want to cheat. Either examine and mend the relationship and don't cheat, or get out of the relationship.

I'll go a step further:

"YOU MADE ME DO IT!"


This is pretty funny.....

xplnyrslf said:

I think it's more like realizing that usually when someone is cheating it's the result of a relationship that may already be falling apart for many other reasons. It still doesn't make it right.

Relationships are complex, even when there is cheating involved, there isn;t always a clear good guy or bad guy.

xplnyrslf said:

JasmineFire said:

Someone who cheats isn't necessarily a bad person, but cheating is a bad thing to do no matter how you put it.

xplnyrslf said:

It doesn't remove the blame from the person who cheats. It just means that a relationship is comprised of two people and if it's damaged to the point where one person cheats, that's the fault of both people.

Not in all cases, obviously, but some.