As you all know my life has been upside down for the last year...and I am beginning to think it is NOT going to change...I imagine everyone remembers I left my husbend back in Jan because of drug addiction...which he says he is trying to over come...he has a tapering off plan...but doesn't stick to it..he doesn't think there is a problem if he takes 5 xanaxs a day, cause at least he's not taking 10-15 like he was...this is ripping my heart out..I know I can't fix the issue..and I am tired of trying...I don't want to divorce, however he doesn't want to put his foot down and get off the pills...

sorry to unload all this..I could just use some prayers and good vibes..love you guys

My heartfelt prayers go out for you. I sincerely hope you two have sought the appropriate help for this.

Sweetie...you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You know if you need anything, I am a phone call or text away!

Love you hun!!!

Much love, support and patience to you

It is tough when your spouse chooses not to change bad habits that are destroying his entire family.
It is a shame, I have been there. I made the choice to leave because me being there was not helping either one of us. I hope that your situation can be different.
Some ppl are harder to get through to than than others.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

Don't be in doubt with your decisions.....
I wish you all the best and hope you'll find a way out of this situation.
And do not forget yourself in this matter, even if he is your husband.
He should realize what he is doing to you, if it's not gonna change,
LEAVE HIM!!!

When a spouse refuses to change things that are ripping your family apart a dilemma forms within those of us striving to keep things together. We accept the blame for the situation, we call ourselves weak for not being able to carry the burden another has put on us. We blame ourselves for the impending breakup because it is us that chooses not to accept their behaviour any more.We even wonder if it was us that drove them to do certain things or act a certain way. Well i have news for you:


IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

If this destructive path is not dealt with then ultimately it will destroy both of you and possibly those around you, your course in dealing with this shows strength and determination for which you have my total support and empathy. I know, i have been in a similar situation.

What you MUST do is give yourself room and time to regain strength for whatever is to come, trust in you and your RIGHT choices, build your reserves and your strength because he WILL need your help and support BUT....you must remember that he need to change for HIM, not because of fear of loss. HE has to understand that HE has caused this and he needs to change.

If he does and he changes then he deserves you.
If a pill wins then he does not love you as you deserve to be loved, he does not put you, his wife, first and then you have the right to make your choice.

My love and prayers to you always and remember that there are those that have been there and survived. If you need us then reach out
[Edited 5/25/08 1:24am]

Thanks to each and every one of you. To those of you that don't know I did move out from our home almost 6 months ago. Thinking that that would "open his eyes", it didn't...then again we have seen each other almost every day since...I have a terrible weakness for this man, always have. BUT he has pushed the envelope so much by over doin on more than one occasion to the point that I feel no-body can trust him. He consistantly lies about how much medication he has taken, tries any way he can to get more...and not 12 hours ago told me that he was gonna go and get a 12 pack, because I was not going to control him..he wants to do what he wants when he wants without me having any say so...it's not that I am trying to control him...I simply told him as long as he was taking the pills we wouldn't have anything because they make him dysfunctional..even if he just takes 3 a day, the moment he sits still he's falling asleep..now I know ppl get tired and every now and then take a nap, but not everyday..consistently. One of his stunts landed him in jail for assalt...he got out of that with just a fine...but when we got home we found out he had taken a months worth of meds in 5 days, his mom went off. It was the first time I can remember ever hearing her say a cuss word...I wish there was something I could do, I know that's part of why I keep holding on, thinking I could/can say or do something..but ultimately I know this is on him, his choice, his decision. I am scared to death of going to hell, this is my 3rd marriage and I know God doesn't look favorably upon divorce, but then again I can't see him wanting someone to go down this road forever either.

I don't have ANY friends here in town..the whole entire time I have been with him I have worked from home ( well after about 6 months into our marriage, so the ppl I did know I lost contact with)...that makes it really hard, the people I am "close" to are his family...and we all know blood is thicker than water, so there goes that support in a sense. His ex wife wont let his kids come around cause she found out he had a wreck with their oldest in the car...it has become one living nightmare..I have Monica (Moni-gram...thank God for you girl, you have been a rock for me)..Phil & Val thank you for your words...they mean alot..And to everyone else..thank you for letting me vent, I know most of you don't know me, but support is good.. I use to be alot stronger than what I am now..I don't know if all this has wore me down,..sorta feel like at my age I would be outta the game if this marriage does end...I just don't know anything any more.

hisfan4ever said:

We are thinking of you. Orgnote any time
Take care of yourself!

hisfan4ever said:

Oh girl...you know I am always here for you! You know I think the world of you! Miles apart, but close in heart! Love you too!!!

This is indeed a very hard situation for you. You cannot always help the people you love, especially when they're suffering from some addiction. I know this by experience, and I also know how heart-breaking it is. But eventually, the best thing to do is take care of yourself. If he's not willing to change, you better think about yourself, no matter how hard or cruel that might seem... Best of luck, sending you some strength from my corner of the world.

My Mom stayed with her alcoholic husband (my Dad) until her dying day. She always thought he would change and something would trigger in him that would bring this all to an end. My parents were married 46 years, and had known each other almost since birth. My Mom felt comfort and actually thought this was normal. My father died of liver cancer and dragged my Mom down with him, she also died an alcoholic. Please save yourself, for your kids and yourself. I always wish my Mom had the courage to walk away from my Father and build herself a life.

My prayers go out to you

Brighter days are coming.

you are stronger than you think if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and don't blame yourself for that. You have the right to make a choice for yourself. And with a friend like Moni to hold on to, I'm sure it will all turn out allright.

always take care of n° 1 first !