Work's Importance Can Create Tension

POSTED: 1:43 pm CDT May 20, 2008

Some women who are the primary breadwinners for their families -- or those who earn as much as their husbands -- are proud but also recent their husbands, according to a new survey by BettyConfidential.com.

The site said that in 2005, government statistics showed that roughly one-third of women outearn their husband.

"I think people suspect that a woman outearning her husband is a catalyst for tension in the marriage," said BettyConfidential.com editor Nicole Christie. "Our survey reveals that outearning one's husband is a blessing -- less financial worries, a sense of pride -- but also a curse, creating a greater pull of work versus family and a gap between husband and wife that's difficult to bridge."


The survey was sent to 100 women, 25 of whom responded. They were asked about how the salary situation affected their relationships, some of which had already led to divorce.

Questions included:
Does being the breadwinner help or hurt your marriage?
Do you ever wish you were not the breadwinner?

Among divorced women, 66 percent said that the situation destroyed their marriages.

Seventy-five percent said they fantasize about being something other than the provider, including imagining lives as socialites or the woman who gets to lunch and play tennis during the day.

Some women complained that they were still expected to do traditional "women's work" at home despite the demands of their jobs, and others found that they could just not agree with their husbands on how to arrange their lives to fit two important working schedules.


hmmm

Those bitches should quit wasting time with surveys and get back to work.

It's about time

But it is still men earn more than women out there. Pay scale discrimination is still rampant.

luv4u said:

The fact that men earn (on average) more than women has very little to do with discrimination and a whole lot to do with life choices. More women choose to work in lower-paying fields...and to take time off from work to raise a family.

I am a single woman who makes more than nearly all of her female colleagues and most of her male colleagues. Why? Because I have worked my ass off and never taken time off to have children (or for any other reason). In fact, I've spent a fair share of my working life doing the work of other women who were on maternity leave.

I don't think people who take ten weeks of paid leave every couple of years deserve to be promoted at the same rate or paid the same as those who stay behind and do the work. There's nothing wrong with taking time off to have a family - but the people who do the work in the workplace should be rewarded accordingly. We all make our choices.

That said, I know a number of women who make more than their significant others or - in the case of one particular friend - support a man who doesn't work at all. The ones who make more are more or less okay with it - but their partners definitely do more around the house/yard than most men.

The one who supports a guy who doesn't work, at all (and hasn't for almost a decade)...well...we don't even pretend to understand that relationship.

Mars23 said:

luv4u said:

is sure is and as we know, legislation specifically designed to protect women against this form of discrimination has yet to actually pass

ALL of my married girlfriends earn at least TWICE as much as their spouses. Personally, I have always made more money than the men I date. And although they say it's not an issue it always threatens their manhood and becomes a problem. Often with them commenting on or trying to control how I spend MY money. Oh well. . . I'm not doing anything they can't do. So if they can't match my hustle and improve their financial situation that's their problem.
Kick rocks partna. . .

that is my nightmare. i really don't want to be in a situation where i'm the breadwinner. i can't quite explain it, i just know that i don't want it to happen to me.

JasmineFire said:

it would be okay with me, as long as my partner were to shoulder most of the housework.

i think that's where a lot of these arrangements fall through because so far, women are still responsible for doing 80% of the housework, even those who work full time
[Edited 5/22/08 11:29am]

Some women have tried to get legislation passed where housework would get recognized for it's value.

Most women have a full time job, looking after kids and hubby. When the leave work they go from their paid job to an unpaid job of cooking, housework, etc.

luv4u said:

And I can tell you exactly why such legislation fails: because there is no point to it. It isn't like women are going to get paid for cleaning their own toilet and taking care of their own kids. Those are responsibilities - not employment.

And what about women who hold a job outside the home and do all their own housework? Are they going to give us a legislative cookie, too?

It's always election year pandering. Women should be smarter than to fall for that nonsense.

whatevs, Erin earns more than me. I like it.

Genesia said:

That's what I always thought as well.

JasmineFire said:

I really don't care myself...but maybe that's because I am used to doing it all on my own.

JustErin said:

me, too.

"Why? Because I have worked my ass off and never taken time off to have children (or for any other reason). In fact, I've spent a fair share of my working life doing the work of other women who were on maternity leave."

That's very sisterly of u , Genesia....

After all, someone has 2 produce, nurture n'rear the next generation!

It may b shamefully undervalued, but mothers do work extremely hard.

Is women doing what nature intended, really a valid reason 4 being

paid less than a man, 4 the same work?

2 me, it is legitimised exploitation.....
[Edited 5/22/08 15:05pm]

funkpill said:

The first stat kinda pisses me off. "Imagining lives as socialites?" Give me a break! To be sure, if a woman is bearing ALL the responsibility while the husband is a slacker, I can understand being pissed off; that's total bullshit. But COME ON. I tend to only get involved with fiercely independent women because I hate that "I secretly want a man to take care of me" attitude. And being in my 30s, it's RAMPANT.

And the second stat is certainly bullshit on the men's part. Dudes, if your wife has a full-time job of any sort, you NEED to ensure you're doing your part of the so-called "women's work." Cooking, cleaning, washing your funky draws, whatever. Get to work! Just because your partner has a vagina doesn't automatically make her better at housework. Get to work!!!!!

Genesia said:

I make more than most of the men I know and I have zero problem being the breadwinner and in having the man stay at home.

JustErin said:

Exactly!!!

Aside from the difference in pay scale, I wonder what the attitudes are like with regards to men being breadwinners and whether or not these women appreciate the man's position more being that they are in it themselves.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Read my post.

SnakePeel said:

But don't a lot of men secretly fantasize about winning the lottery and never having to work? Living out their days on the golf course, fishing, whatever? I think women fantasizing about a life of leisure (tennis, lunches, social events) is similar. And if you're a good looking enough woman, I'd imagine it's fairly easily attainable to find a rich partner to make that happen, as men have historically been willing to take care of women in that capacity. Fantasies are never "wrong". Acting on them might be, but that's another story.

luv4u said:

EXCUSE ME!!! I DO ALL THE SAID ABOVE MINUS THE HUSBAND! They(men) are too much of a pain in the for me.Many whine more then a woman does too.

(Im not saying bad to you luv just to the men who THINK they are better then women!)
[Edited 5/22/08 16:44pm]

CarrieMpls said:

Never said it was "wrong."

SnakePeel said:

Yeah, but you said it pisses you off. I think that's unreasonable. Or at the least, fairly defeatest. I can accept that my (fictious) monogamous partner might be way into porn and all kinds of crazy fantasies and it doesn't piss me off anymore cause I've learned the difference between fantasy and reality. So 75% of working women fantasize about living a life of leisure. Who doesn't? I do too. But I realize that's never gonna be my life and when it came down to it, I probably wouldn't be happy that way anyway.
But it's nice to daydream. I still want to be a princess!

Those problems are always going to arise I supposed.

But the bottom line is, going back to a system of oppressing women ain't an option. When women control a sizable amount of the job market and economy , it only empowers them--Senators, congressmen and the like wouldn't even be bothered to care about women's issues, if their campaigns didn't depend on donations, etc. etc. from women (or men who support them).

I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, but there is much about the traditional male/female gender roles that have some dangerous undercurrent of oppression towards women.
I mean, I'm sorry if 66% of divorced women who earned more than their husbands think it's a factor in the divorce (I believe this very much to be true ), but what about all those women who didn't have job skills, and got abandoned by their husbands? Or whose husbands passed away and left them to fend for themselves?


HERE: http://www.kamat.com/kalr...en/widows/ <-- Women here in the USA need only look at this to realize the economic, social, and workplace freedoms their predecessors fought for trump any insecurities their husbands may have. It's time men just shut the hell up and learn to deal with sugar mamas

CarrieMpls said:

What is the ratio of men living at home while woman work versus women? That life is much easier for a woman to live than a man considering that men are viewed as the "breadwinners" and women have many avenues which put them in the home whether it be a family or their hot looks. It's acceptable and expected for women to rely on men but not the other way around. Not generally at least.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Again, you live in a much different world than I do.
Once upon a time it may have been "acceptable and expected" for women to rely on men, but I don't know anyone who feels that way honestly now.

And really, that has nothing to do with what I was talkng about. Again, we were talking about fantasies.

CarrieMpls said:

It's more common than you think.
There are guys who would prefer that their wives work. But it's perfectly acceptable that they are homemakers. One of the guys actually has a stay at home wife that doesn't have kids, etc.

The other one, is my brother-in-law.

And these aren't churchy Evangelicals.


I know of one couple where the husband is staying home to watch their daughter. And he lives with quite a bit of stigma--to include my attitudes towards him (he plays video games for hours on end during the daytime. It's very hard for me to accept Mr. Moms, even when I know it's social programming).