Stymie said:

You know your daughter better than any of us. Easy for someone to judge until you are in the same situation.
I was always a pretty good kid. I never did get pregnant and I was out of her house by time I turned 18 as she wanted. Her other rule was that once you are out on your own there is no coming back.
She meant that as well.

shanti0608 said:

It's surprising how so many may view your mother as overly harsh etc. I personally don't. May I ask, how many siblings do you have? Where do you fit in the sibling lineup? Did your mom's rules work w/ your other siblings (if applicable)?

shanti0608 said:

First thing: change your signature. You are so beautiful to me.

Second: I also want my children out of my home by 18. The oldest was gone but came back temporarily but I have asked him to leave.

Nothinbutjoy said:

I am an only child. I think it was a good thing for her to stop at one. She meant well I know. She was determined to make sure that I was never spoiled. She raised me on her own from age 12 so she felt like she had to be mom and dad.
OTT in other words.

Remember when our Surgeon General had to be fired for suggesting we teach kids how to get themselves off? Seems to me if they knew how to to that, they wouldn't need each other as much.

We (our society) still treats masturbation as a dirty thing, but sex is pretty well glorified in every medium. Think that could be part of the problem?

Has anyone checked to see if the statistics have gone down since Neverland Ranch was shut down?

Stymie said:

Thanks Ms Ivy.. I think you are most beautiful too. I guess I have this bad habit of comparing myself to other women...breasts, eyes..blah, blah...

Anyways... I am not sure how I would be if I were a mother, hard to say really. I know that children need and thrive on boundaries.
I guess it is like anything, there needs to be a balance.
You are mom and you rule... that is how it goes and kids need to know that.

shanti0608 said:

Although I don't agree with raising my son that way, I didn't try to tell her that what she does/is doing is wrong. If that's how one wants to raise their child then so be it.

I never got pregnant at an early age as well and my brothers and I were all good kids - there was no 'out by 18' rule with us...and my parents always have their door open - I'll be the same way. It's just the way we are.

Mars23 said:

Yes I do - just one of many parts though

We need to put ( and TEACH it ) so much more value on our beautiful daughters
( yes and sons ) - They have the power at hand and need to know their worth !! It's so much more then MTV sleaze slut images. Self respect and DEMAND respect !

Masturbation IS something I talked to all 4 of my kids about !

JustErin said:

I didn't even read what you replied.. sorry. I just meant to reply to Stymie and talk about me personally. I am not a parent so I cannot tell others what they should and should not do.
Like I said, parents have to do what works best for their family.


It is probably best I stick with four legged kids.

shanti0608 said:

Actually, I wasn't implying that you were directing anything to me. I was simply adding to the conversation.

JustErin said:

Our family have always been the the type to live off other people until they can't live off them no mo'. My uncles are 57 and 61 and lived with my grandmother until she moved last week. Neither gave her any money. My sister lived with me for a year for free and is not speaking to me right now for reasons I have no idea. Children should learn ow to stand on their own two feet and realize the consequences of their actions, in my opinion. I got pregnant, I chose to face that responsibility and not abort, I went out and got a job and a place for me and my son and became self-sufficient. I have zero people to fall back on if something goes wrong and I need a place to live. My son in the army reserve and bitches a bitch because I ask him to kick in a few dollars to pay the cable that he watches and I don't. He tells me that I make X amount of dollars so I don't need his.

I know people think I'm harsh on this but if anyone knows a better way than what I have already done for my daughter, I'm all ears.

JustErin said:

Cool! You have a beautiful son and you seem to be a great mum.

Stymie said:

Yikes. I can now see why you have the opinions on this that you do.

My family dynamic is just nothing like that at all - even my extended family (which is actually really small here in Canada). Children not standing on their own two feet has not really been an issue with us, we're all on our own and doing well...but we know that if times get rough we have a safety net to fall back on. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that, imo...even if it's never needed. We're not really a selfish, take advantage of others kind of family anyway...thankfully.

JustErin said:

I figured I'd give some background so people don't think I'm a complete bitch.

I honestly can't answer this because I may THINK that I would act one way, but wouldn't know until I (God-forbid) actually had to deal with it.

Right now I'd say that I'd force an abortion and send her to a convent in the mountains of Honduras.

Yes, I would blame myself.

As a parent, you are in control of where they go, what they see, and whom they befriend...although this control erodes with each passing year.

Here's how we're trying to prevent such a thing from happening;
- we enforce the need for schooling and grades. When she watches a movie where a (teenage) princess is swept off her feet by a dashing prince we make sure to tell her that there are no prince charmings in real life. When she talks about marriage and children (she's 8) we tell her to get a good job, travel the world, and THEN think about marriage. So much so, that if you ask her what she wants, she'll tell you that she wants to be a lawyer or veterinary doctor so that she can see the pyramids in Egypt.
- we do not watch MTV. The kids have never seen it. No reality crap with ho's and tramps chasing after horny jocks or ditzy rich bimbos trying to live with average people. Nope. But plenty of Discovery channel, Food Network and Animal Planet. Ask my kids about Paris Hilton and they'll be like; "who?" but ask them about Andrew Zimmer and they can tell you their favorite episode when he ate the frog sashimi in Tokyo.
- we go nowhere with out them. We vacation as a family. We shop as a family. We eat dinner as a family. My kids have never been with a babysitter (besides grandma or their aunt). When they're teens, we will continue to expect the same, since they know nothing else. I didn't start "hanging out" with my friends until I was a SENIOR in High School, since my parents kept a tight leash on me. I will attempt the same.

Sure, there are no guarantees in life. But I've told them already, (at ages 10, 8 and 6) that my job in life is to make sure that they grow up to be healthy & successful adults, and their job in life is to study hard and be good.

That...and the machete in my closet...will hopefully keep my daughter from becoming a baby mama.

PurpleJedi said:

This post really put a smile on my face

Stymie said:

Judging by the way I first saw your response, I thought you had a lot of really serious issues about sex, but at least now I know where they are coming from. This begs me to ask another question; are you a single parent? And where is your daughter's baby daddy in all of this? I know that you are doing the best that you can with regard to raising your daughter, but it seems as though she is getting away with disrespecting you because you are trying to handle this issue by yourself. (Correct me if I am wrong.) If the father is still in your daughter's life, then he needs to step up as a man and give her the parental guidance that she needs about boys that only a responsible male figure can give her. If not, then I hope you have a brother or cousin who is socially responsible who can act as a big brother to her. I know that you are probably pulling your hair out of your head with worry because your daughter is at a vulnerable point where some sweet-talking boy can take advantage of her sexually and promise her the moon and stars and then hit the road should they knock her up.

BTW, I don't know whether you had your daughter while in your teens, but you need to be straight up with her about all of the difficulties you had to go through to raise her while still letting her know that you love her dearly and unconditionally. I believe once she realizes all of the work you've done to raise her, feed her and keep a roof over her head, the more she will respect you and act responsibly.

728huey said:

some kids don't really give a shit about any of that and only want what they want and only see what they want to see in pursuit of their shortsighted goals. I have one of these

Ottensen said:

Thank god there's someone who's acting like the parent we all should have. I wouldn't want my kids watching half the stuff on MTV these days either. I would rather they watch some video ho shaking their ass up close to the camera than watching "A Shot at Herpes...um...Love with Tila Tequilla" or any of that "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York" or other bullshit on VH1. I have to admit that I do find the show "Parental Control" on MTV somewhat interesting, but if the girlfriend/boyfriend of my child talked back to me the way they do on that show, I'd probably be in jail for assault after punching or slapping them in the face.

But the show I really hate on MTV is "My Super Sweet Sixteen." It's one thing for a kid who is having their bar/bat mitzvah or quinciniera to have huge parties, as these are very significant family and religious events, but for some spoiled rotten daughter who cries because her parents won't rent out a helicopter to fly her into a party of 500 people with a celebrity DJ and won't buy her a brand new Mercedes as a birthday gift really gets on my nerves. They should be happy that their parent are acknowledging their birthday in the first place, and they need to be taught a lesson about financial responsibility.


[Edited 5/20/08 12:43pm]

Ottensen said:

It's refreshing to see a parent so involved with their kids - definitely the way it should be but no mention of having any sex discussions with the two older children and especially that comment about forcing an abortion are things *I* can not agree with at all.

728huey said:

Single parent. Her father is not involved in her life at all and I have no brothers. My cousins canot be bothered. I had my daughter at 24, thank God. I was ready for her. She's been a great kid up until just recently.

I hope she will one day respect me too.

728huey said:

while you're at it, could you check my posts again since you misquoted me??

roodboi said:

Relax dude. We all know he meant RodeoSchro.

JustErin said:

I could really care less what you all thought...I'm more concerned with what he thought...

RodeoSchro said:

What!?!!!

Parents teach all they can, but in the end you CANNOT lock your child up. The ONLY thing you can do is HOPE you have instilled enough knowledge, wisdom, experience and fear into your child enough for him or her to make the right choices, but you will never kill curiosity! It is human nature.

If now the parents are not at all involved in their childs life or his or her exploits in life....then you have a case.

DexMSR said:

Shut the Org down! We agree.

thepope2the9s said:

give her a bloody good hiding for one thing and then sit her in front of a video of a woman giving the most excruciating birth to a baby and ask her how she would like that. Another thing show her photos of all the nasty infections etc and ask her how she would like to be on meds for the rest of her life.

blueblossom said:

Whenever my nephews complain and whine about having to watch their baby sister I remind them this could be their full time job if they are stupid and careless They always go

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

brilliant - see that is what kids need to hear. Yeah they know about the biological aspects of sex but don't seem to comprehend the effects. You can be as informative and "loving" as you like but in these days you have to put out harsh brutal facts to save their lives. I don't intend to be namby pamby about what is out there and what sort of behaviour I expect of them. If they can't respect themselves how the hell do they expect me to!

Stymie said:

Whap!!!