Things are getting far too serious and intelligent
around here (Well, apart from all the lightbulb threads).

So in an effort to return us to a healthy state of innane
stupidity, the venerable Dr. Stimpson J. Cat (doctorate
in advanced BS) will open his (ill) advise bureau for a
limited time to answer all your questions about life,
the universe and cat litter.

So, the door is open,
The Doctor is in
Ask Dr. Stimpy




disclaimer: Patrons park at their own risk. Dr. Stimpy cannot be held responsible for loss, theft or damage that may result from any (poorly concieved) advise given.
(this does not affect your statutory rights)

(side note: Dr. Stimpy operates on Stimpy-time, which bears no resemblance to EST, GMT or any other globally accepted form of time measurement)

Do you think that life is one giant litter box nestled within the universe? If so, who is in charge of emptying it?

Why do birds sing so gay? And why do lovers await the break of day?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Who has my fucking Muddy Mudskipper Ceral Bowl Caddy???

BorisFishpaw: stop wasting your considerable talents as a walking library of purple rock and soul and get your asss over to the 'Studio Nights' thread. C'mon, let's get straight to the nitty-gritty. There are people waiting to benefit from your peerless knowledge and wisdom, o great one...

.

Why does the animal under my sink growl every time I flick the light switch above the sink, but when I flick the switch again, he stops? Why doesn't the light ever come on when I flick that switch? I think the devil is to blame.



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[This message was edited Sat Nov 2 12:53:07 PST 2002 by AzureStar]

I'm trying to write a 15 page paper that's due next Tuesday on some connection between Asia and the Holocaust. Somebody told me that Hitler, despite the fact that he thought Asians were inferior, nevertheless attempted to recruit their loyalty... or something like that. But it's all heresay and I can't find shit to back it up.

Help me, Stimpson J. Cat, as this paper is worth 100% of my grade.

Desperately yours,

Screwed

If I dance naked a ballet, will that get you off? Tell me what will.

Natsume said:

go to Ebsco-Host and type in Asdians-Holocaust-Hitler

Who was the fool singing "will", when it was "would"?

AzureStar said:

AzureStar said:

Life is like a box of litter, you never know what you'll git.

The universe runs on a cosmic cleanup schedule, manned by the giant sun weevils of Dullstar 5. They are the sole manufacturers of cosmic tidy-cat 3. Every 32 zooligan years they empty all the planets of intelligent life, and replace it with complete idiots.

(Luckily they did earth last wednesday, so they won't be back for a while.)

Was Carol Burnette jealous of Vicky Lawrences success with her song The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia?

BorisFishpaw said:

hmmm... sure you do. shit, of course.

please answer me this one:

how come in Stripes, Bill Murray and Harold Ramis got a heroes welcome at the end when it was their tomfoolery that caused the drama and rescue in the first place?

BorisFishpaw said:

Well... that explains a lot then. Thanks!

why is it that when i take a really massive dump, it doesn't hurt my rectum. but my boyfriend's penis does?

AaronForever said:

because one is soft going out and one is hard going in?

rdhull said:

The reason birds sing so gay is because they are, luckily by a bizarre twist of fate half the gay bird population spontaneously started producing eggs (life finds a way).

Lovers await the break of day so they can share a romantic bowl of cheerios together. A mating ritual dating back to the neoplastic era, when Venus De Mileage (the patron saint of tollbooths) gave a ceremonial cheerio bowl to her then lover Bernard Heffer.

rdhull said:

The number of licks is equal to the inverse square of the Tootsie Roll Pop diameter, divided by the ambient humidity, times tongue length.

IceNine said:

Nancy Milldew, of 28 wombat drive, Freemantle, Australia.
(ps, she's a total bitch and won't give it back)

AzureStar said:[quote]Why does the animal under my sink growl every time I flick the light switch above the sink, but when I flick the switch again, he stops? Why doesn't the light ever come on when I flick that switch? I think the devil is to blame.

That's because your kitchen has been fitted with the pygmy aquatic hefferlump garbage disposal system. Everytime you flick the switch a light goes on in their tank to let them know that garbage is about to be dropped down the pipe to them. The noise is their stomachs rumbling in anticpation.

I was wondering - Why do birds suddenly appear?

I find that it mainly happens every time you are near.

ian said:

Thats easy--becasue they long to be close to him.

why are boogers (for the most part) green?

When this thread eventually becomes inactive, what will the last post say?

Aerogram said:

"pointless thread. locked." -- ben, the prince.org guy

AaronForever said:

roflmaooo!

rdhull said:

Well then... tell me why (I don't like Mondays) oh tell me why?

Ian