i had been working my ass off all last year and this year to prepare some work for applications into this gallery residency that my school has hooked up...

...and i spent hours on my application, and i was proud of it... and was convinced, confident, that i'd get in..


...the chair of the department gave me the bad news 10 minutes ago. i didn't get in.

she claims i'm not ready yet - but i see some of who got into the program, and i wonder.

it just so happens that she's one of my profs too (the chair of the department) and has had it out for me since about a month ago. no reason at all - but there's a change in her how she interacts with me.

not that i'm blaming that on my failiure..

i just...
i worked so hard, you know?

and i can't talk to anyone here at home about it because they just. don't . CARE. nor do they bother to try and understand.

sorry, as you were.

everything is nothing.

I am sorry.

shanti0608 said:

thanks...

Honey, I know how you feel. Submitted an app to become a youth counselor - NO! Submitted a proposal to write a book - NO! Joined a speaking group but haven't been in the last 3 months because of my stupid ass car - NO! But you know, with each no new doors open up and I do have more time to grow and hone my skills. Look at it that way. You haven't lost your talent, just an opportunity. Another one will come along and it will be better and perfect

sweetheart, i know th feeling. Many times in academia, those who are deserving of distinction don't always get the distinction they deserve while others do. I have no answers as to why.

There are many people out there who have a lot of power but little talent and are threatened by those who are dynamic, work hard, and have true talent and treat them poorly.

Don't let this discourage you. I have seen examples of your artwork before and you are an amazing artist. If this gallery residency didn't want you then it's because you are too good for it.

Continue to work hard and kick ass...there will be plenty of opportunities for you to shine in the future...this I know for sure.

But as for right now, I know you're feeling bad so throw yourself a pity party. Let yourself pout and spoil yourself with your favorite things.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

thank you, i can only hope
this was supposed to give me that extra boost for my application to grad school after i graduate next year...

i just don't know anymore, i feel so lost...
i've been told to be confident in my work, and i have been, i was so confident that i'd get in, and...


i'm an idiot for crying over it i know, but... i worked SO fucking hard for this...

aw, i'm sorry. especially if it might have had something to do with whatever
that bitch got into her head about you lately.

like supa said, you haven't lost your talent, just an opportunity. and from
what i've seen of you on here, you'll get plenty more and they'd better be
a bit more perceptive in how lucky they'd be to have you.

now get back out there and kick some f-in ass

IstenSzek said:

*smiles*
thanks...

i think i'll do some investigating over the weekend when im feeling a bit stronger...see if i can apply to my own residency...

sammij said:

Check into it and look at other avenues! A door closes and another one opens....strange but true let's see what u can do

JasmineFire said:

academia sucks major balls.
i was even shocked at the people that got in...
and no, i'm not jealous... i'm hurt.

the same woman that declared me unfit for the job was the same who encouraged me to apply. the one who kickstarted the hope...

im a blubbering fool on campus...ha.. wow


thanks again

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

i should listen to some angry prince songs. right now.

sammij said:

Girl must be a witch, bitch!

Snag that guitar and rip some mean riffs!

sammij said:

No you are not!!!!

You are talented and passionate. Like you said you worked hard for this so your crying is well deserved.

Try to look at it like this...all that hard work you put in made you better at your craft which will serve you in the future...hard work is never wasted.






.
[Edited 5/8/08 15:25pm]

Sowhat said:

i'm looking at is as a release...
i'll still be graduating as i had planned
but not with that awesome accolade to show for it...

i'm so hurt. and angry.

sammij said:

Is there nothing else you can do in its place? Nothing? Can you collaborate online?

.
[Edited 5/8/08 15:25pm]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

theres a reject course which im going to end up taking
but there isn't any kind of accolade i can use from it to put on a CV when i'm ready to start applying to grad school...

i'm trying to get as many brownie points as possible so i won't be going through this again and again when it comes time to look into getting my masters.

I'm not really sure if this will help, but.....



I came to my first squadron, in the Air Force, at the age of 20, with 4 other Airman, all of whom were of the same general rank and age as me--all friends of mine from tech school.


I'm not bragging, but I was the sharpest, most mature, brightest, and hardest working of the 4 of them. Unfortunately, I was also the first to get my Top Secret clearance--I got it on the very day that I was going to be transferred from the Communications Center (a dumpy, hole in the ground (literally) place with a dead end, useless job) to the Unix control room (a highly visible, upbeat, great place to work, with awesome opportunities and NO SHIFT WORK or WEEKEND WORK).
Because I got my clearance the day I was supposed to be transfered, the didn't move me and kept me to rot in the COmmunications Center--You need a top secret to be unsupervised in a Comm Center, and sent this fat (and I mean fat), dumpy, half-assed guy named Jake down the the Unix group.

Jake then got sent to Italy (Vicenza) where he was automatically given 3 medals--just for being there, and when he returned, despite the fact that he came in late to work, was a dress code nightmare, and was on the fat-boy program, he beat me to making Senior Airman Below the Zone---this is a rank upgrade given once in your Air Force Career to exceptionally performing Airman---JAKE WAS NOT THAT.
To add insult to injury, my supervisor, who was responsible for submitting my candidate package was a terribly writer, speaker, and poorly educated to boot. My package read like a children's book.


I spent the next two years in Europe in a hole, working shift work, on a system that was not marketable, and when it came time for my new assignment in Tampa at MacDill AFB, an Airman who had gotten to Tampa before me, who really wanted to get out of the Communications center himself told the powers that be there that I was trained on the legacy system and one of the best persons for the job in the Comm Center in Tampa (this was true--I was very well versed in that system).
So when I got to MacDill, I spent the first two years, rotting away in the Comm Center in MacDill on shift work.

I was the best qualified person for the job. I worked the hardest. And still Jake won. To my knowledge he never made it off the fat-boy program, and you're supposed to get kicked out of the Air Force if you can't get down to a normal healthy weight after 6 months. But instead, he was awarded.

I finally got so pissed off that I looked at myself and said, "Dan--are you REALLY doing your best?" Sure I worked really hard. Sure, I busted ass at work. But was I doing my very best?
So for the next year , I took classes, I kissed ass (kissing ass is important folks--sorry, but it is), and I volunteered to be do a tour in Haiti (for visibility). I got out of that place, and landed a great day job afterwords, and became one of the most visible Airmen in my rank, both while in Haiti, and when I returned to the States.


I'm not saying that you DIDN'T bust your ass. I'm just saying it can get very very unfair, for a very long Time Sammy. I mean, for a VERY long time. And you have no choice but to be a fighter. It's much better to be angry than to be sad and self-pitying, trust me.

sammij said:

It's not actually called a reject course is it? Is there nothing you can do with another school, art gallery and anything? I'm not sure what all is involved but I want you to search high and low for what will help you!

imago, thank you

it irks me to pity myself (although i find m'self doing that quite often)

but in this instance, i decided to cry rather than to rage, just because knowing my temper, i'd more than likely say something to the Jean's (the chair of the department) face that i know i'll regret in the coming year.

the anger is there, i'm just trying to remain subdued until i reach home later tonight..

and in regards to your experience, i don't even know if anger would be enough to keep me going... that is a slap in the face in the least... hurtful...

and i'm a dweller... so that would eat at me forever...


you know, i was reading Andy Warhol's "the philosophy of andy warhol" and i learned a good lesson that may help in certain situations (to some degree anyway)
to use the expression "so what?"

for instance: "i didn't make it into honours studio... but so what?"

which kind of helps surprisingly

i still get mad and think to myself, so what, it means i have even a lesser chance at getting into grad school..



im working on it
and everyone here is going to see after we graduate.
i'll make a name for myself.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

i'm looking into it
in fact i'm going to ask the department, or at least some of the profs if they know (in the art world, it's all about who you know) of anything i can apply for, through the school

and no, it's not called the reject course, but that's what it's known as, because it is.. you still get a show at the end of the year(in fact the show for that course this year was 100times better than the show for the Honours course) but it's not something as prestigious where you can actually put it down on your resume as a residency.

sammij said:

If you have to do that, just think of the scene you could make! Give them the show to end all shows!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

we'll see
im also going to look into getting a solo show going.

Sorry about your disappointment. It's perfectly fine to cry and be angry, you have to release those feelings. But use this negative experience as an opportunity for growth. I know it's hard to be that forward thinking in the midst of the disappointment, but know that this too shall pass. And who knows, this could mean that there are great things and opportunities waiting for you around the corner. My final piece of advice would be at some point to open your hands and let go of this anger and disappointment because if you are too busy holding on to this your hands will not be able to reach out and grasp the good things coming your way.

On and I'd stay away from the angry songs. I'm not the biggest Mary J. Blige fan in the world but I must say that this is the most positive and uplifting song I've heard in years. It REALLY does make me wanna dance. So my prescription to you is 2 hours of happy, shake that booty, practice walking in some high heels, music. And you'll be Just Fine. . .

thanks
but radiohead seems to be soothing the pain currently

I'm sorry. Perhaps there is something bigger and better just around the corner. Hard work is almost always rewarded in one way or another.

Im sorry Sammi

sammij said:

Okay, I know it's still fresh but I'm urging you that to avoid wallowing it is CRITICAL to shake the booty within 48 hours of receiving bad news. Remember, the booty is all powerful.

Failing at things you wanted more than anything's a real bitch (and believe me, I know - I still get the odd little comment from my parents about not getting into Oxford), but it really does all work out better in the long run.

Right now, I couldn't be happier.

Sorry sweetheart

JuliePurplehead said:

i can only hope so
its bad enough my parents don't really think i'll make it as an artist, and now this

i'll keep trying, despite my deep feelings of discouragement.