First of all, this thread isn't about sex -- it's about flirting, courtship, yada yada yada...

I'm sitting in a café right now, and one of the baristas is SERIOUSLY checking me out -- the sort of thing where whenever I look up, he's invariably looking at me, but then blushes and looks away with a hint of a smile. When I ordered my caffé misto, he teased me for ordering such a boring drink, and a few minutes ago he came by and asked what I was working on. I engaged him a bit... but found every excuse in the book to flash my wedding ring as I drank my coffee... as much to relieve myself of his attention as to say "I'm taken."

Anyway, I got to thinking: I haven't been single since I was 19. I never truly dated. I pursued only one person my entire life, I got them (Lord knows how) and I eventually lost them. Some time after, I was fixed up by a friend and the resulting relationship has lasted now for 17 fairly happy years.

Long story short: I wouldn't know how to flirt or attract a mate if my life depended on it. I just never learned. And while attention feeds my ego as much as the next person, it freezes me. If I were single, for example, this barista would be the very type of person I'd like to meet -- but I can honestly say I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do. I'd be terrified.

How did you guys learn to date, flirt, etc.? Did you hone your skills in high school? Do you sit and wait to be pursued, or do you pursue? And how have you developed your confidence?
[Edited 5/2/08 17:06pm]

So, let's see... when you're not showing off your Hebrew expertise in your sig and on P&R black shout-out threads, you're lamenting your irresistibility on GD ones... Poor Lammastide...

Oy vey...


j/k, bruh.

To answer your question, normally I just stammer out a greeting. I work with the 5% that don't find that nervous bashfulness pathetic...

Of course, I don't make that many introductions, so that's 5% of a very, very small number...




tall coffee edit
.
[Edited 5/2/08 17:12pm]

People scare me


So I suck at flirting

I don't know how either.

trial

and

error

ThreadBare said:

I'm glad you're here to keep me humble.




...I'm actually quite pathetic. God truly looks out for me.

Anxiety said:

Me too. I'm no good at it and I'm manless so I really haven't much to offer

Lammastide said:

Check my edit. I've reason to be nothing but humble, too.

i dont even understand the question

Yeah, I got nothing.

In every sense of that.

i can only flirt if i know for sure someone likes me, and even then i generally suck horribly at it.

I've always been like one of the guys, boys seemed to like me because I could talk about guy stuff and technical stuff with them, and get really excited about it but they weren't the ones who had enough courage to ask me out, I probably intimidated them
The ones who did like me were usually strong dominant personalities who WEREN'T really interested in what I like. It always seemed they just kind of made it happen and I was so greateful I went with the flow.
I often felt it was totally one sided - THEIR side. If I like guy I doubt I would know "the game" or whatever bullshit it takes to get them to ask me out, and I would be too scared to ask them out, because I am such a wimp like that.

I have no idea it came naturally it seems to just happen

It just came naturally 4 me.I guess it'z the fiery Latina in me. I polished my skillz in high school,when I started dating the school security guard. When I c something I like,I go after it-I don't generally wait 2 b pursued.My confidence was developed thru being an xotic dancer-there'z no shame in my game.
[Edited 5/2/08 20:17pm]

I'm bad at flirting, and tend to be too shy

I wish there was a magic pill I could take to get over that

thekidsgirl said:

it's called booze!

Anxiety said:

Same here. But, I'm a really bad flirt!

evenstar3 said:

no wonder I missed it then...I wish I drank!

I never learned. My no game be having ass just lucked out a couple of times.

thekidsgirl said:

Someone said:




Need:
-Time alone (check)
-Romantic atmosphere (check)
-Sexually-charged banter (check)
Optional:
-Liquor (double check!)