.

anyone here has/is? and for how long?

17 years and counting...

It depends on what you mean by "bad". Right now I am going through in-law stuff right now. My brother has 4 kids and I think is going through a mid-life crisis. There nothing in particular that's wrong. He doesn't know what he wants to do, but feels semi-unfullfilled in life. I also suspect he's not inlove with his wife or nolonger finds he sexually attactive.

For someone who doesn't know what he really wants, I think he should stay with his wife and be a good dad to his kids. Divorce isn't going to make anything better...just worse.

I believe it's not worth it. People might say that the children will suffer from this, but I say, they will suffer more with two unhappy parents.
I believe the happiness of the parents is very important in raising the children. They need to learn to appreciate life and love life. How can they do that when al the can see is how their parents are miserable?
And if you think you can hide your misery, I believe you are deluding yourself. Kids can pick up on that.
I'm glad my parents are separated. My mother is happy, an I'm happy for that. I wouldn't want to live my life seeing them argue/fight.
Be true to yourself, even when you have children.

PricelessHo said:

DON'T DO IT!!

FOR ONE....you are not happy!!

Second! You are setting a template for your children and they will end up staying in bad relationships!!

Third....you can always remain in their lives and not be together....there are plenty of success stories that come from divorced families. If you are battling your committment to your children, then make it easier on EVERYONE and be committed to in the same locale or something. You can still be on the other side of town and be around!! When they grow up, you be sure to tell them why you divorced and why you WERE AROUND.

I would think it would be much easier than explaining why you WERE NOT!!

ArielB said:

Why am I not at all surprised by your response...

pardonme4livin said:

Because I grew up with parents who were separated when I was around 5-6?

DON'T DO IT!!

DON'T HAVE KIDS! PERIOD!!

I thought it was more of a headache when my parents finally divorced when we were adults. They didn't feel they needed to hide stuff then and I'm like....I don't wanna hear this mess.


If you're not happy, children pick up on that stuff. They know. Get out of it if you're not going to fix it.

horatio said:

Rhondab said:

Exactly It's one of the most difficult decisions one can make, but it's hard to stay & try to live a lie too...

Just don't do it! It's a waste of everyone's time.

1 word: DUMB.

PricelessHo said:

Yes...I have stayed because of the kids. I stayed for years.

I just recently got divorced and although I know it will be an adjustment for the kids I absolutely think it was the right thing for me to do. I was so unhappy for so long and I don't think that's healthy for me or my kids. Kids know when their parents aren't happy.

For some people they feel like they should stay. I think it depends on the level of unhappiness and the reasons for the unhappiness. Everyone is different, so I would never tell someone else what to do. I just know that I am so much happier.

ArielB said:

I agree.

I actually think my parents were in a bad relationship. My dad stuck it out even through her illness. I mean, he was AMAZING! I'm glad that he stayed.

pardonme4livin said:

I agree with those who have said get out now...your sanity and the happiness of your children depend on your happiness. Children aren't dumb, and the older they get the more they pick up on. It may "hurt" now, but time heals all wounds.. for you.... for your children

All I have to say on this is that a relatively short period of adjustment and struggle for your kids is better than growing up in an unhappy home....much, much better.

I really wish my parents had divorced when I was a kid.




Then again, they stopped having sex with each other when I was really really young--at least being together, I didn't have to be grossed out by that though.





I guess the moral of the story is that if you're kids find you both repulsive, stick together. If not, then don't drag your flesh and blood through many miserable years just cause you can't call it quits.

My brother isn't married but 20 years with his partner. Their relationship sucks. They have one kid and he doesn't want to leave because of her. The kid doesn't know any better, she's kept dumb. He has adjusted himself. I don't know how it will develop through the years but I imagine him like a bomb, eventually exploding and I don't mean getting angry but getting ill, very ill. I once told him why don't you leave, anything will make you more happy than staying with this... thing. He told me that every woman is the same. I told him that it was very difficult to find another thing like he has and then I stopped the conversation because he just wants to hide the bad things, you know like:

hokie said:

LOL. I remember seeing this lady driving around town in her Cadillac, with one of those signs in her rear window that said "Ex-Husband in Trunk". She had a man's tie flapping out of the back of the trunk.

RodeoSchro said:

What a genius way to disguise the truth I'm sure nobody would ever think it was true if it was

My parents did, and I think it was a mistake.

My dad was angry all the time and I wished he was gone, and I grew up with the impression that a husband & wife weren't supposed to display affection--ever.

I was in a bad 10 year relationship that might as well have been a marriage with three kids involved. Its best to get out than wait.My parents waited to divorce when they should have done it when we were little. Kids are smarter than you think and most would rather have their parents happy apart rather than together with tension.

My oldest is in the 5th grade and most of his friend's parents are divorced. In fact, my daughter is in the 2nd grade and she has friends whose parents are divorced. I think I would try extremely hard not to get a divorce. I wouldnt want to hurt my kids.

RodeoSchro said:

Well, I'm not putting mine in a trunk.

jbchavez said:

Being in a BAD marraige is HURTING your kids.

I can only speak from personal experiences. I know that all situations are different like Hokie said earlier.
It has to be dealt with on a case by case basis I guess.

I was 12 years old when my parents divorced. When my mom and I ran away and hide from my abusive father in Florida, many ppl would ask me if I was sad that my parents were divorcing. My parents divorcing was the best thing for all of us.
I feared everyday when we were all together that my mom would be killed and I would be forced to live with my father the rest of my childhood.
I do not think that some adults realise how observant and aware children are of their surroundings. Children know when their parents are not happy.
I am so glad that my mom finally got us out of that situation. We left many times but the last time we went far enough away that he could not find us for a while.
Parents really need to think about their children and recognise the harm they could be doing by staying together. It is a huge amount of pressure on the children as well when you say you are just staying for them.
I think that it does depend on the situation. Just remember that kids know more than you think they know about what is really going on.

It's funny how no one in here is saying get help...advice from a professional.

Funny how this is on the org...

And I wonder how many of dysfunctional individuals posted on this thread. Always the easy answer, right? Leave?

And I wonder how many would even speak out.


[Edited 4/30/08 7:03am]

AlienX2050 said:

Good suggestion about getting some professional help. It can be helpful for the children as well as the adults.

I went the counseling route before and would suggest it but always know that it does not always keep you together... some times it helps you realise that it is time to leave.
Just depends on the situation.