ufoclub said:

is this true? i mean i've never done drugs before, but it does hurt like hell.

Ottensen said:

well thanks, I needed that.

even though i don't miss the stress of the relationship, i do miss him very much and all our good times.

CoolTarik1 said:

It was mostly filled with good memories and joy, but it was also a "very hard" relationship to deal with, meaning that everything started being difficult, it was difficult to communicate to him, it was difficult for him to try different things to help our relationship survive, and it was difficult for me trying to do both, thinking of ways to help our relationship as well as being patient with him and his esteem issues. I do know how to take the good with the bad, but I started to feel like a big weight was being put on my shoulders and it was taking a toll on me. Yes I do love him, but I love me more. My aunt gave me some advice that makes sense, "sure a marriage is difficult in itself, but when you are dating things shouldn't be so difficult, this is the time when everything should be fun. There will be ups and downs, but not like the ups and downs that come with a marriage. And when you do get married, you have good times but things do get worse. Dating is just a preview of what marriage will be like".
[Edited 4/26/08 6:59am]

Well, I may be spouting my own voodoo theories (I just broke up with a girl myself), but the way in which the brain chemistry changes during a relationship, it has been shown in studies that seratonin increases and gives the mind pleasure and a sense of euphoria and well being during moments that feel romantically successful.

If you look at all the symptoms that you go through after a breakup it is very very similar to a sort of withdrawal. Once you go through it and are no longer "addicted", you think to yourself "What was I thinking? It was nothing, or It's going to be just fine"

But during the transition, you can have anxiety attacks, depression, loss of appetite, insomnia, even manic states to compensate...

some people just curl up alone... just like withdrawal!

ufoclub said:

I see what u mean.

it hurts i know.
got my heart completely shattered about 10 years ago. i was physically sick behind it and i have allowed it to dictate my dating life ever since, i have not been in a serious relationship since then and i KNOW its because i dont want to hurt like that again - he on the other hand has moved on quite well has a new lady in his life and has had a son with her. eventually, you have to let go and move on before it eats up a part of you that you will need, thats the ability to love again...

my advice is, and who knows if im right or not stay busy and get out there with people... try to move on and not stay in your own feelings because they will only grow more that way. eventually it will become harder and harder to get out of it - mine turned full blown depression because i allowed it to.

remember you are very valuable, you were valuable before the relationship, and you still are today! pick yourself up and try to move on

nakedpianoplayer said:

thanks for the advice!!! I appreciate it

nakedpianoplayer said:

I totally agree. I, too, became ill. I gained about 40lbs, and developed related problems.
I have no idea where he is now, and I really don't care. I haven't moved on the way I should have, but at least I'm getting out now...
Take your time....

ZombieKitten said:

when peple in ur life leave, either through death or something else, it always sucks, no sure why

I'm so sorry to hear about this!!!!!

missmad said:

they just go back into ur heart and mind where they came from.

KatSkrizzle said:

but why are men like that though? why can't they multi task like women do, why can't they try to make the relationship work while working on themselves too?

missfee said:

I'm still trying to figure THAT one out...
Men?

missfee said:

it has to be worked on together with trust and unconditional love that understands personal issues are no more than avenues of purification

superkiss said:

well apparently he didn't want to work on it "together". I did, but he didn't.

missfee said:

mm i've been there. its an ego issue where the man sees himself as separate from others in the world around him.

to make u stronger, lion heart.

chocolate1 said:

A man will never feel good enough for a relationship unless he has his shit together. I think in relation to self esteem, it is more pronounced or less. I came out of a relationship 5 years ago and it was essentially what he did to me that your man did to you. He wasnt good enough so he pushed me out.

It's kind of weak and a cop out. making themselves martyrs. In the end he was a selfish bitch ass and I am so way better off than him. I still get emails from him every Christmas saying he misses me.

This is the bottom line. I see me in your posts. I TRIED so hard to lift him up, to make us work, but at the end of the day he was a selfish little bitch ass. Like now when I think about all the shit I put up with, I mean it was ALL ABOUT HIM and his issues, his life, his career. Dude...it wasn't a partnership, it was all about loving him and putting up with his shit.

5 years later I am with the most wonderful man in the world...that was actually after me while I was with the Bitch.

Seriously, it felt like a divorce and I gained 45 pounds from the depression, but I'm here to tell you that at the end of the day, someone will enter your life and make you so incredibly happy there will be no comparison.

KatSkrizzle said:

Good for U!
I'm still waiting... it's been about 4 years for me. I've since lost my weight (see photowhore pix), but I haven't found "The One" yet.

My ex-fiance started applying out of state for jobs without consulting me...
When I told him I'd go anywhere he wanted, but I'd need to apply in different states for teaching licenses, he called ME selfish saying that I was only thinking about "my little job". He started yelling at me saying that we couldn't live on a teacher's salary, so it didn't make a difference if HE didn't find a job!

chocolate1 said:

Yup...he pushed his insecurities onto you. And made you feel like the asshole. A grounded, respectful man wouldn't do that. Seriously, men are such bitches...wel those men anyway not to say men here are, but the most that women deal with are.

See, missfee, U're not alone...
Don't ever think it's U. I think most of us have gone thru SOMEthing. We understand.

Have a good week.

KatSkrizzle said:

from behind no less

KatSkrizzle said:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me personal insight. I really do appreciate this for helping me to understand him and now I feel at peace with my decision. I thank everybody for their comments really.

chocolate1 said:

well that was a shitty attitude to have, you were right for calling off the wedding. You saved yourself a painful divorce.

chocolate1 said:

Thanks I will definitely try to have a good week, and for one starting out by going to the gym tomorrow after work.

I hope you are doing well today! I have been thinking about you.

MoniGram said:

I hope you are doing better .

ufoclub said:

It's strage thinking about this... sometimes it's comforting, then of course it's very depressing - that love might not be more than chemicals.


"A chemical reaction. Hysterical and useless. Hysterical and let down and hanging around."
I dig this song and lyric from Radiohead so much. Genius.

Love
A 2 sided coin with the middle missing

Hurt
damn near killed me
no hugs or kissing

Hate
no time no rhyme no reason this season

heart
in 2, but really one
together it just seemed like more fun

emotion
the best of U
the best of me
the best of we

Love