So, I'm out last night and I run into a homeboy (shut up, MuthaFunka ) that I haven't seen in ages. While catching up, he tells me he got married and mentions to me (actually asks in a roundabout way) if I'm bisexual or interested in girls. Now, this is a question I've heard several times from years of hanging out in gay clubs but usually it comes from REAL lesbians and after I tell them I'm "straight fish," they keep it moving.

Anyway, my friend brings this up because apparently he and his wife (prolly more him than her ) are into threesomes but they prefer dealing with someone they know, i.e. me. I politely tell him I'm not interested and wish him luck on having a successful (read: long-lasting) marriage.

In recent years, I've seen/heard of an increase of Black married couples open to swinging. Various male friends of mine have told me several stories of being approached by husbands who want to hook up with them for sex with their spouse. And the stories they tell, are quite shocking, not because of the sexual acts performed but because it's married couples doing them.

I'm not a prude and if you indulge in threesomes, groupsex, swinging or whatever while you're single or even with a girlfriend that's fine. But WHY would you want to share your spouse with another? Why get married to one person if they aren't enough to fulfill your sexual needs? Is NOTHING sacred?????

What's the black part got to do with it?
[Edited 4/19/08 9:23am]

Spookymuffin said:

I'm talking about my own experience and knowledge. I don't know a lot of white married couples with whom I openly discuss their sexual habits. But I welcome input/insight from everyone.

SCNDLS said:

Ok, I dunno - maybe it's a culture difference but underlining the race seemed really weird to me (I tried to clear that up with my edit).

No problem, though.

It's a little weird, I gotta admit. I think if you're married you're committed to one person, unless, prior to marriage, you've agreed that you're into that kinda thing.

Spookymuffin said:

In a larger sense, I think the historical/traditional influence of the black church had a large impact on the black community's view of what is sexually acceptable. So there are a lot of things that, when I was growing up 20 years ago, MOST black folks would SAY they were steadfastly against doing regarding sex.

I'm not saying they weren't freaks all along but you didn't talk about it and if you did you denied doing certain things. In recent years, most black folks I know are a lot more open and less repressed about their sexual activity and admit to engaging in things that were previously MAJOR taboos in the black community, such as, oral, anal, and swinging. So that's why I put it within the context of race, because MY perspective as a black woman has something to do with it. BUT I definitely want to hear everyone's thoughts on this because it truly baffles me.

SCNDLS said:

Interesting. I didn't know this.

Thanks.

Spookymuffin said:

If it is your thing then fair play to you but for me, marriage is me and my wife. End of story.

I do not know why married people do this. I think for a lot of folks marriage means monogamy, but I guess people define it differently. For me...if I wanted to engage in that type of behavior I would not get married.

I could not share my husband. I'd be way too jealous.

I don't think race has much to do with it, I've come across couples but black and white who are into threesomes. each couple is different for some it works because of the nature of there relationship and the understanding they have. I say to each his/her own if it works for them...cool, just leave me out of it.

Statuesqque said:

I hear ya. Like I said, I brought up the race thing because I've been hearing about it a lot lately from various black folks I know, which makes it seem like a recent fad or phenomenon. In contrast, I've always heard of people of other backgrounds swinging.

SCNDLS said:

nah, it's not recent at all there are underground parties that have been going on for years now. I think people are just being much more open about it now.

Tell him you'll participate but only if you can fuck him up the ass with a strap-on. I bet that motherfucker won't ask you again.

vainandy said:

Interesting approach. . .

OR


Say I'll participate, show up, and whip out the strap on and be like, "Oh, you DI'INT want me to fuck you????"
[Edited 4/20/08 8:45am]

My wife and I have become friends with a couple, and they seem freakier and freakier the more we get to know them.

We keep joking that one day they'll ask us if we 'swing'.

(We wouldn't BTW)

I couldn't see me doing this now. I don't want any risk at all of any more complications. The simple life is good.

I wanted to bring home a girl once, and my husband was up for it lucky she said no thanks.

Gawd, I wonder just how dumbfounded I would look/sound/come across if I were asked to be in a threesome

SCNDLS said:

CalhounSq said:

Ten years ago, I woulda been fa show. But, the other night I was like because I've been asked about it lots of times in the last 2 or 3 years. About 6 months ago Michael Baisden asked me the same thing with his nasty ass. I was more like Hell to that naw, at least not witchu. Granted, he's not married so it wasn't a big deal but it just seems a WHOLE lot more common now.

ZombieKitten said:

Why lucky? Do you think in hindsight it woulda caused issues?

PurpleJedi said:

Why not?

CalhounSq said:

Twice I've had couples who were complete strangers, come up to me and ask if I was interested in hooking up with them both. The first time it was the bf/husband who approached me asking me again and again if "I liked to party" Finally I asked him straight out if he meant "party" as in fuck him and his wife. He said yes, I said "no thanks" and directed them to the seediest part of town to find what they were looking for.

The other time it was the gf who approached me. It started off with "I love your shoes" then she just wouldn't leave. Then she introduced me to her bf and we all chatted a bit. Then she excused herself so that he and I could have some alone time. It was so fucking awkward and dude was actually really hot but I kindly told him that I was just not interested and left. Yuck, not my thing at all.

i say whatever floats the boat. so long as everyone is in agreement, what's the harm?

AnalinGus said:

I agree. No harm done if all are agreeable.

AnalinGus said:

I get that, but these are my questions:

WHY would you want to share your spouse with another?
Why get married to one person if they aren't enough to fulfill your sexual needs?
Is NOTHING sacred?????

SCNDLS said:

because that's what they're into, i guess. it's like asking why would anyone put hot sauce on their eggs. different strokes for different folks. i do agree with you that i don't understand the point of being married while doing it, but i'd imagine that everyone has their reasons for doing things. and there's more to being married than having sex. maybe marriage is meaningful in their other areas of life.

AnalinGus said:

But WHY would you want to share your spouse with another? Why get married to one person if they aren't enough to fulfill your sexual needs? Is NOTHING sacred?????[/quote]

I have been swinging on and off for almost twenty years now and first it is a LIFESTYLE. Swinging is more about surrounding yourself with open minded folks that enjoy exploring the various scenarios sex can afford. It can be an escape from the mundane for some, it can be a wild release for others. It is not to be boxed into any one line of thought as it entails so many different tastes to be sampled and experienced.

I like swining because of my inherent exhibitionist/voyeur and this is why MOST people swing. Participation is not necessary. Some like to watch. Some like to watch their partner/spouse be pleased in many different ways than what he or she may be used to and seeking a safe and sexy atmosphere to explore their open sexuality for a night or whatever.

It must be approached with maturity, integrity and a lot of security between those involved. It is a lifestyle of which I enjoy completely!!!