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PrintableDexMSR said: I have been swinging on and off for almost twenty years now and first it is a LIFESTYLE. Swinging is more about surrounding yourself with open minded folks that enjoy exploring the various scenarios sex can afford. It can be an escape from the mundane for some, it can be a wild release for others. It is not to be boxed into any one line of thought as it entails so many different tastes to be sampled and experienced. I like swining because of my inherent exhibitionist/voyeur and this is why MOST people swing. Participation is not necessary. Some like to watch. Some like to watch their partner/spouse be pleased in many different ways than what he or she may be used to and seeking a safe and sexy atmosphere to explore their open sexuality for a night or whatever. It must be approached with maturity, integrity and a lot of security between those involved. It is a lifestyle of which I enjoy completely!!!  
Thanks for the insight. But would you do it with your wife? Also, do you find that people are more open to it in recent years? [Edited 4/20/08 11:22am] | |
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Good for them, I say, who cares?
But I can't imagine approaching a friend of mine and horrifying her with my proposition. My Legacy
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SCNDLS said: DexMSR said: I have been swinging on and off for almost twenty years now and first it is a LIFESTYLE. Swinging is more about surrounding yourself with open minded folks that enjoy exploring the various scenarios sex can afford. It can be an escape from the mundane for some, it can be a wild release for others. It is not to be boxed into any one line of thought as it entails so many different tastes to be sampled and experienced. I like swining because of my inherent exhibitionist/voyeur and this is why MOST people swing. Participation is not necessary. Some like to watch. Some like to watch their partner/spouse be pleased in many different ways than what he or she may be used to and seeking a safe and sexy atmosphere to explore their open sexuality for a night or whatever. It must be approached with maturity, integrity and a lot of security between those involved. It is a lifestyle of which I enjoy completely!!!
Thanks for the insight. But would you do it with your wife? Also, do you find that people are more open to it in recent years? [Edited 4/20/08 11:22am] There are more MARRIED couples in the lifestyle than single couples....and yes...i would do it with my partner/wife and would welcome the idea of swinging wholeheartedly. Whap The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. -- Mark Twain.
BOB JOHNSON IS PART OF THE PROBLEM!! | |
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DexMSR said: SCNDLS said:
Thanks for the insight. But would you do it with your wife? Also, do you find that people are more open to it in recent years? [Edited 4/20/08 11:22am] There are more MARRIED couples in the lifestyle than single couples....and yes...i would do it with my partner/wife and would welcome the idea of swinging wholeheartedly. Whap  | |
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Spookymuffin said: What's the black part got to do with it?
[Edited 4/19/08 9:23am] Very good question. | |
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SCNDLS said: Spookymuffin said: Ok, I dunno - maybe it's a culture difference but underlining the race seemed really weird to me (I tried to clear that up with my edit). No problem, though. It's a little weird, I gotta admit.  I think if you're married you're committed to one person, unless, prior to marriage, you've agreed that you're into that kinda thing. In a larger sense, I think the historical/traditional influence of the black church had a large impact on the black community's view of what is sexually acceptable. So there are a lot of things that, when I was growing up 20 years ago, MOST black folks would SAY they were steadfastly against doing regarding sex. I'm not saying they weren't freaks all along but you didn't talk about it and if you did you denied doing certain things. In recent years, most black folks I know are a lot more open and less repressed about their sexual activity and admit to engaging in things that were previously MAJOR taboos in the black community, such as, oral, anal, and swinging. So that's why I put it within the context of race, because MY perspective as a black woman has something to do with it. BUT I definitely want to hear everyone's thoughts on this because it truly baffles me. Since when has sucking either clits or dicks or getting poked in the butt been taboo in the black community? | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: In a larger sense, I think the historical/traditional influence of the black church had a large impact on the black community's view of what is sexually acceptable. So there are a lot of things that, when I was growing up 20 years ago, MOST black folks would SAY they were steadfastly against doing regarding sex. I'm not saying they weren't freaks all along but you didn't talk about it and if you did you denied doing certain things. In recent years, most black folks I know are a lot more open and less repressed about their sexual activity and admit to engaging in things that were previously MAJOR taboos in the black community, such as, oral, anal, and swinging. So that's why I put it within the context of race, because MY perspective as a black woman has something to do with it. BUT I definitely want to hear everyone's thoughts on this because it truly baffles me. Since when has sucking either clits or dicks or getting poked in the butt been taboo in the black community? I didn't say people haven't done it, but if you grew up in the church you definitely didn't talk about it. Most black women I know STILL say they don't give head. And I remember being in high school AND college and guys saying that going down on a girl was gross. And anal was not even up for discussion. I'm not trying to speak for all black folks but I do think these were very prevalent attitudes 10, 15, 20 years ago. As I've stated before, this is based on MY perspective and those that I've spoken to. It doesn't nor is it meant to represent everyone's experience. Sheeesh! | |
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Even though exploring sexual taboos in the black community was NOT the point of my thread it seems that there's some confusion about what I'm talking about. So, I thought some additional information would clarify my point.
http://www.christianbook....&p=1010575 Sexuality & the Black Church: A Womanist Perspective by Kelly Douglas Product Description From the publisher: Kelly Brown Douglas tackles the "taboo" subject of sexuality which has long been avoided by the Black church and community. She argues that this view of Black sexuality has interfered with constructive responses to the AIDS crisis and teenage pregnancies, fostered intolerance of sexual diversity, frustrated healthy male/female relationships, and rendered Black and womanist theologians silent on sexual issues. Part One determines why sexuality has become a "taboo" issue for the Black church and community. Douglas examines the function of sexuality in White culture and the denigration and exploitation of Black sexuality through a discussion of White culture and the denigration and exploitation of Black sexuality through a discussion of White cultural myths, sterotypes, laws and customs concerning Black women and men. Part Two studies how Blacks have responded to sexual myths and stereotypes by retreating into silence on the subject of sexuality. In this section, Douglas discusses the function and role of sexuality in the Black church and community, homophobia/heterosexuality and how Black sexuality is protrayed in black fictional literature. Finally, she explores the importance of sexuality and sexual discourse to the Christian theologial mandate and to Black churches. Using the language and tools of womanist theology, Sexuality and the Black Church advocates use of a "sexual discourse of resistance," arguing that the Black church must talk about sex and so do in a way that resists the White culture stereotypes. Douglas suggests programs by which the church and community can "nurture the kind of discussion that promotes acceptance and appreciations of the rich diversity, even sexual diversity, of the black community." | |
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SCNDLS said: ZombieKitten said: I wanted to bring home a girl once, and my husband was up for it
 lucky she said no thanks.Why lucky? Do you think in hindsight it woulda caused issues? absolutely! The house was a mess (dirty clothes all over the bedroom) I was drunk, my period just started. I would have been MORTIFIED the morning after 
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ZombieKitten said: SCNDLS said: Why lucky? Do you think in hindsight it woulda caused issues? absolutely! The house was a mess (dirty clothes all over the bedroom) I was drunk, my period just started. I would have been MORTIFIED the morning after
So wrong in all the right ways!  | |
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ZombieKitten said: SCNDLS said: Why lucky? Do you think in hindsight it woulda caused issues? absolutely! The house was a mess (dirty clothes all over the bedroom) I was drunk, my period just started. I would have been MORTIFIED the morning after
Classic! | |
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SCNDLS said: dseann said: Since when has sucking either clits or dicks or getting poked in the butt been taboo in the black community? I didn't say people haven't done it, but if you grew up in the church you definitely didn't talk about it. Most black women I know STILL say they don't give head. And I remember being in high school AND college and guys saying that going down on a girl was gross. And anal was not even up for discussion. I'm not trying to speak for all black folks but I do think these were very prevalent attitudes 10, 15, 20 years ago. As I've stated before, this is based on MY perspective and those that I've spoken to. It doesn't nor is it meant to represent everyone's experience. Sheeesh! Do you remember when "If I Was Your Girlfriend" came out? That was 21 years ago. I lived in Queens N.Y. at the time and was going to Andrew Jackson High School(95% black). I went into school and put it out there that Prince was a freak for eating pussy and was asked ..... who didn't? by all the homeboys. Where did you have your experiences ..... in Utah? | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: I didn't say people haven't done it, but if you grew up in the church you definitely didn't talk about it. Most black women I know STILL say they don't give head. And I remember being in high school AND college and guys saying that going down on a girl was gross. And anal was not even up for discussion. I'm not trying to speak for all black folks but I do think these were very prevalent attitudes 10, 15, 20 years ago. As I've stated before, this is based on MY perspective and those that I've spoken to. It doesn't nor is it meant to represent everyone's experience. Sheeesh! Do you remember when "If I Was Your Girlfriend" came out? That was 21 years ago. I lived in Queens N.Y. at the time and was going to Andrew Jackson High School(95% black). I went into school and put it out there that Prince was a freak for eating pussy and was asked ..... who didn't? by all the homeboys. Where did you have your experiences ..... in Utah? Ummmm, I grew up in Texas. But I'd venture to say that NY is a lot more open and progressive than the majority of the US, especially 20 years ago. So that's prolly not representative of what was happening in most of the country. Again, these are MY experiences. BTW, I went out to dinner with 3 girlfriends last night and brought this up and they all wholeheartedly agreed that they still have sexual issues that they deal with largely as a result to being brought up in the church. All these sistas are older than me, nearing 40. 2 of them claim they've never given head, 1 said she'd done it to one guy and THAT was ten years ago, and I'm sitting there like    One of 'em didn't even know what double penetration was, I had to act it out in the booth to give her a visual. So, the issues with taboos and perception still persist in the black community, perhaps outside of NYC.[Edited 4/21/08 10:19am] | |
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SCNDLS said: dseann said: Do you remember when "If I Was Your Girlfriend" came out? That was 21 years ago. I lived in Queens N.Y. at the time and was going to Andrew Jackson High School(95% black). I went into school and put it out there that Prince was a freak for eating pussy and was asked ..... who didn't? by all the homeboys. Where did you have your experiences ..... in Utah? Ummmm, I grew up in Texas. But I'd venture to say that NY is a lot more open and progressive than the majority of the US, especially 20 years ago. So that's prolly not representative of what was happening in most of the country. Again, these are MY experiences. BTW, I went out to dinner with 3 girlfriends last night and brought this up and they all wholeheartedly agreed that they still have sexual issues that they deal with largely as a result to being brought up in the church. All these sistas are older than me, nearing 40. 2 of them claim they've never given head, 1 said she'd done it to one guy and THAT was ten years ago, and I'm sitting there like So, the issues with taboos and perception still persist in the black community, perhaps outside of NYC.I guess since I grew up in New York and outside of the church I am not really attuned to the real black community. I'll concede defeat in that regard however, do you honestly believe that a woman of or nearing 40 has never given head or only done so to one guy? Come on ..... that defies logic. Is she married? If not, then you know why. | |
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hokie said: I do not know why married people do this. I think for a lot of folks marriage means monogamy, but I guess people define it differently.
 For me...if I wanted to engage in that type of behavior I would not get married.
I could not share my husband.  I'd be way too jealous.  I could never share my husband either, he's mine mine mine. Dirty laundry, socks on the floor..and all. | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: Ummmm, I grew up in Texas. But I'd venture to say that NY is a lot more open and progressive than the majority of the US, especially 20 years ago. So that's prolly not representative of what was happening in most of the country. Again, these are MY experiences. BTW, I went out to dinner with 3 girlfriends last night and brought this up and they all wholeheartedly agreed that they still have sexual issues that they deal with largely as a result to being brought up in the church. All these sistas are older than me, nearing 40. 2 of them claim they've never given head, 1 said she'd done it to one guy and THAT was ten years ago, and I'm sitting there like So, the issues with taboos and perception still persist in the black community, perhaps outside of NYC.I guess since I grew up in New York and outside of the church I am not really attuned to the real black community. I'll concede defeat in that regard however, do you honestly believe that a woman of or nearing 40 has never given head or only done so to one guy? Come on ..... that defies logic. Is she married? If not, then you know why. I think it's possible but I was still like The ONE that said she did it to ONE guy was married and claimed the ONE guy wasn't her husband. So, she said she was married and never did it to her husband. THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. People may do it but, in general, do not openly admit to or discuss this and other sexual acts.
Of the two claiming never to have sucked a dick, one is engaged to be married and has been in that relationship for five years. The other is perhaps the most sexually adventurous and open person that I know. (Our birthday is on the same day. Sagitarians, rule!  ) So, for her to be sooooo open about everything else she does sexually and deny doing this makes no sense. So, I have no reason not to believe her. | |
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PaisleyPark5083 said: hokie said: I do not know why married people do this. I think for a lot of folks marriage means monogamy, but I guess people define it differently.
For me...if I wanted to engage in that type of behavior I would not get married.
I could not share my husband. I'd be way too jealous. I could never share my husband either, he's mine mine mine. Dirty laundry, socks on the floor..and all. I feel the same way. If it was just a fuck buddy or a boyfriend, I think I'd be able to compartmentalize it and enjoy it for what it is. But if it was my husband, I think marriage is sacred and it seems like asking for trouble. I dunno. | |
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SCNDLS said: dseann said: I guess since I grew up in New York and outside of the church I am not really attuned to the real black community. I'll concede defeat in that regard however, do you honestly believe that a woman of or nearing 40 has never given head or only done so to one guy? Come on ..... that defies logic. Is she married? If not, then you know why. I think it's possible but I was still like The ONE that said she did it to ONE guy was married and claimed the ONE guy wasn't her husband. So, she said she was married and never did it to her husband. THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. People may do it but, in general, do not openly admit to or discuss this and other sexual acts.
Of the two claiming never to have sucked a dick, one is engaged to be married and has been in that relationship for five years. The other is perhaps the most sexually adventurous and open person that I know. (Our birthday is on the same day. Sagitarians, rule! ) So, for her to be sooooo open about everything else she does sexually and deny doing this makes no sense. So, I have no reason not to believe her. How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: I think it's possible but I was still like The ONE that said she did it to ONE guy was married and claimed the ONE guy wasn't her husband. So, she said she was married and never did it to her husband. THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. People may do it but, in general, do not openly admit to or discuss this and other sexual acts.
Of the two claiming never to have sucked a dick, one is engaged to be married and has been in that relationship for five years. The other is perhaps the most sexually adventurous and open person that I know. (Our birthday is on the same day. Sagitarians, rule! ) So, for her to be sooooo open about everything else she does sexually and deny doing this makes no sense. So, I have no reason not to believe her. How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? From her stories and those of guys she's been with, she's at the very least creative like a muthafucka. | |
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it seems like life just becomes worse and worse.
and people are so turned off by spiritual/religious teachin becuase the church, where many people began a foundation for life, seems to be as scandalous as the world supposedly is..... marrigae looks like a joke. a man that FINDS a wife finds a good thing????? i beg to differ.... SINGLE AND LOVING IT! ! ! ! ! ! | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: I think it's possible but I was still like The ONE that said she did it to ONE guy was married and claimed the ONE guy wasn't her husband. So, she said she was married and never did it to her husband. THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. People may do it but, in general, do not openly admit to or discuss this and other sexual acts.
Of the two claiming never to have sucked a dick, one is engaged to be married and has been in that relationship for five years. The other is perhaps the most sexually adventurous and open person that I know. (Our birthday is on the same day. Sagitarians, rule! ) So, for her to be sooooo open about everything else she does sexually and deny doing this makes no sense. So, I have no reason not to believe her. How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? I was at a wedding, sitting up front, and the groom had the biggest smile on his face. I heard one of the groomsmen ask him about the big smile, and the groom said, "I just got the greatest blowjob of my life, and I'm about to marry the woman who gave it to me!" About that time, the bride came down the aisle, and SHE had the biggest smile, too. I heard one of the bridesmaids whisper to her about it, and the bride said, "I just gave the last blowjob of my life!" | |
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RodeoSchro said: dseann said: How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? I was at a wedding, sitting up front, and the groom had the biggest smile on his face. I heard one of the groomsmen ask him about the big smile, and the groom said, "I just got the greatest blowjob of my life, and I'm about to marry the woman who gave it to me!" About that time, the bride came down the aisle, and SHE had the biggest smile, too. I heard one of the bridesmaids whisper to her about it, and the bride said, "I just gave the last blowjob of my life!"  | |
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RodeoSchro said: dseann said: How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? I was at a wedding, sitting up front, and the groom had the biggest smile on his face. I heard one of the groomsmen ask him about the big smile, and the groom said, "I just got the greatest blowjob of my life, and I'm about to marry the woman who gave it to me!" About that time, the bride came down the aisle, and SHE had the biggest smile, too. I heard one of the bridesmaids whisper to her about it, and the bride said, "I just gave the last blowjob of my life!" | |
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PaisleyPark5083 said: hokie said: I do not know why married people do this. I think for a lot of folks marriage means monogamy, but I guess people define it differently.
For me...if I wanted to engage in that type of behavior I would not get married.
I could not share my husband. I'd be way too jealous. I could never share my husband either, he's mine mine mine. Dirty laundry, socks on the floor..and all. Right there with you guys, I would never share a partner with anyone, no way!!! Rhythm floods my heart♥The melody it feeds my soul | |
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RodeoSchro said: dseann said: How sexually adventurous can she be if she never sucked a dick? I was at a wedding, sitting up front, and the groom had the biggest smile on his face. I heard one of the groomsmen ask him about the big smile, and the groom said, "I just got the greatest blowjob of my life, and I'm about to marry the woman who gave it to me!" About that time, the bride came down the aisle, and SHE had the biggest smile, too. I heard one of the bridesmaids whisper to her about it, and the bride said, "I just gave the last blowjob of my life!" poor guy! Rhythm floods my heart♥The melody it feeds my soul | |
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ZombieKitten said: SCNDLS said: Why lucky? Do you think in hindsight it woulda caused issues? absolutely! The house was a mess (dirty clothes all over the bedroom) I was drunk, my period just started. I would have been MORTIFIED the morning after
 That sounds like every threesome I've ever heard about. It sounds great on paper, but I'm never envious of the actual stories that I hear.My Legacy
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you know...until recently I didn't know many black persons that did this kinda thng. I dont know if it is because I wasn't of age to be privy to the activitiy.
In any traditional church community, regardless of race, this stuff absolutely taboo, totally isn't discussed (and preferably not even thought of), and since the black community has so much grounding in the church, it was generally a total no no among the majority. Cant say that the majority are church folks now, however. For me, it is still a total no no. Marriage is not something to add a 3rd party to. I aint sharing my man, and i dont want to expose myself to anybody's nasty cooties.  If you get married in a relgios way (vs justice of the peace) this lifestyle is a total violation of your vows. Why bother getting married if the vows have no value?Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. | |
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dseann said: SCNDLS said: I didn't say people haven't done it, but if you grew up in the church you definitely didn't talk about it. Most black women I know STILL say they don't give head. And I remember being in high school AND college and guys saying that going down on a girl was gross. And anal was not even up for discussion. I'm not trying to speak for all black folks but I do think these were very prevalent attitudes 10, 15, 20 years ago. As I've stated before, this is based on MY perspective and those that I've spoken to. It doesn't nor is it meant to represent everyone's experience. Sheeesh! Do you remember when "If I Was Your Girlfriend" came out? That was 21 years ago. I lived in Queens N.Y. at the time and was going to Andrew Jackson High School(95% black). I went into school and put it out there that Prince was a freak for eating pussy and was asked ..... who didn't? by all the homeboys. Where did you have your experiences ..... in Utah? Why try to qualify her experiences because they're different from yours? I'm a black woman that came of age in the 1980's midwest, spent younger adulthood in Florida, and later adulthood across Europe, Nepal, and Japan, and I TOO am just becoming familiar with African-Americans openly admitting to swinging. Not to say that it wasn't there before, but in alot of our experiences we're just now hearing what people have to share about the swinging lifestyle. I have a childhood girlfriend whom I've always known to be wildcard: I'm 37 and have known her since I was 16, and she JUST told me last year that she's comfortably a "swinger". although I was shocked, I inately understood why it took so long for her to share, because it seems there was an era in a large part of the black community when certain sexual details of one's life was not discussed, ever. I know plenty African American sistas from New York, your stomping grounds btw, and frankly even in 2008 they still don't come full monty on how they boogie taboo style behind closed doors. Just sayin'... | |
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Ottensen said: dseann said: Do you remember when "If I Was Your Girlfriend" came out? That was 21 years ago. I lived in Queens N.Y. at the time and was going to Andrew Jackson High School(95% black). I went into school and put it out there that Prince was a freak for eating pussy and was asked ..... who didn't? by all the homeboys. Where did you have your experiences ..... in Utah? Why try to qualify her experiences because they're different from yours? I'm a black woman that came of age in the 1980's midwest, spent younger adulthood in Florida, and later adulthood across Europe, Nepal, and Japan, and I TOO am just becoming familiar with African-Americans openly admitting to swinging. Not to say that it wasn't there before, but in alot of our experiences we're just now hearing what people have to share about the swinging lifestyle. I have a childhood girlfriend whom I've always known to be wildcard: I'm 37 and have known her since I was 16, and she JUST told me last year that she's comfortably a "swinger". although I was shocked, I inately understood why it took so long for her to share, because it seems there was an era in a large part of the black community when certain sexual details of one's life was not discussed, ever. I know plenty African American sistas from New York, your stomping grounds btw, and frankly even in 2008 they still don't come full monty on how they boogie taboo style behind closed doors. Just sayin'... I too am black (if you go to "General Discussion" there is a thread "Reveal yourself....photowhoring" check out my pics if you don't believe. I said what I said because I just didn't meet too many other black people in New York in the 70's or 80's who were conservative about their sexual practices. I did say that since I grew up in New York and outside of the church I might not have the same experiences as the thread implied. I think me and SCNDLS have gotten over this little "thing" and have begun to share jokes about our differences. I think you should do the same. In other words lighten up a bit. I too will be 37 in a few months (gulp) so we should have more in common than anything else. At least I hope we do. Peace! | |
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NDRU said: ZombieKitten said: absolutely! The house was a mess (dirty clothes all over the bedroom) I was drunk, my period just started. I would have been MORTIFIED the morning after
That sounds like every threesome I've ever heard about. It sounds great on paper, but I'm never envious of the actual stories that I hear.
I don't think it's ever gonna happen. Though if someone wants him they can have him. I hope they like snoring! | |
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