Headaches

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having.

All these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror,

Stare at myself and repeat,

' I do not have a headache '

' I do not have a headache '

' I do not have a headache '


Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'

Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.

His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that? '

Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'

He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!'

The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning ' OH MY GOD ' She proclaims.

Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.

'She's not my wife '



'She's not my wife '



'She's not my wife ' .



'She's not my wife '



His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
[Edited 4/14/08 17:59pm]

This woman reads in ELLE magazine that you can take 10 years off your appearance by not wearing a bra. So she decides to try it out to see if her husband will notice.

"honey?" she asked as he came home from work.
"yes dear?" he replies.

"Honey?" she taunts him again.

"yes dear?" he responds again.

"Don't you notice anything different???!!!" she demands.

"about?!!!" he responds.

"Don't I look younger???" . She then gives up and tells him about what she read in the magazine. She explains that if you just go without a brah, it promised to make her look at least 10 years younger, etc. etc.


He looks at her again ,



"Oh yeah!!!" he says, "now that I think about it, your breast drooping down so low seems to have pulled the wrinkles out of your face. "

His funeral will be this Thursday.

Imago said:

OMG

Irish Vesectomy
http://i71.photobucket.co...ECTOMY.jpg

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,
and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer
while he flips the meat .
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Ocean said:

[Edited 4/14/08 18:36pm]

Ocean said:

Well, where I come from the man buys the meat and prepares it too, because only men know how to do that correctly.

And yes, the rest is true, there just no pleasing some women. Grilling a meat is an art and requires skills. You women should be thankful.

















One more thing - I was joking Jill, please don't let me sleep on the couch tonight

ArielB said:

You can sleep in the bed honey....




In YOUR bed in TORONTO.

Imago said:

I like the emoticons in the joke.

ArielB said:

u tell him Hokie!!

Ocean said:

Yeah!!! You get him with the and I'll get him with the

Slowly walks away from the angrymob, leaving the BBQ running.

ArielB said:

ArielB said:

Guess u won't be eating tonight eithier

Ocean said:

I love it! Who needs 2 pay 4 Viagra or 1 of those Nasal sprays?

Amaxx said:

and who needs a assassin when u can do it urself

Ocean said:

love it

Ocean said:

True!