New topic
Printable| Author | Message |
| Moderator
|
Stupid Jokes Thread Okay... a friend sent me this. 
The Hypnotist at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude Was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed Hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put Into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience!" The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful Antique Pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very Special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to Swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!", said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the senior center. |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
moderator | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
2 guys walk into a bar. The old man quickly becomes drunk, and throws up on the other man. The guys says "oh crap. my wife is gonna kill me." so the old man gives him some money and puts it in his shirt pocket. So the man goes home, where his wife is waiting. The wife says, what happened? well the guy threw up on me. He gave me money for the laundromat. The wife takes the money out of the shirt pocket. "But this is a twenty." "I know. I crapped my pants too".
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
rich man and a poor man meet every year on 5th ave. christmas shopping for there wives. poor man says "what did you get your wife this year?" rich man says "i got her a huge diamond ring and a mercedes." poor man says "why did you get her both?" rich man says "in case she dosent like the ring she can take it back in her new mercedes." rich man says "what did you get your wife this year?" poor man says "i got her slippers and a dildo." rich man says "why did you get her both?" poor man says "because if she dosent like the slippers she can go fuck herself." | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator
|
Question: Why do they call women's "time of the month" PMS? 
Answer: Becuase "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken... 
(It's just a joke! ) |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
2Jay said: 2 guys walk into a bar. The old man quickly becomes drunk, and throws up on the other man. The guys says "oh crap. my wife is gonna kill me." so the old man gives him some money and puts it in his shirt pocket. So the man goes home, where his wife is waiting. The wife says, what happened? well the guy threw up on me. He gave me money for the laundromat. The wife takes the money out of the shirt pocket. "But this is a twenty." "I know. I crapped my pants too".
I think you're telling it wrong. The Normal Whores Club | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
This is the only one I know . 
Question: What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Answer: Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
June7 said: Okay... a friend sent me this.
The Hypnotist at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude Was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed Hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put Into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience!" The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful Antique Pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very Special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to Swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!", said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the senior center. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
crazyhorse said: rich man and a poor man meet every year on 5th ave. christmas shopping for there wives. poor man says "what did you get your wife this year?" rich man says "i got her a huge diamond ring and a mercedes." poor man says "why did you get her both?" rich man says "in case she dosent like the ring she can take it back in her new mercedes." rich man says "what did you get your wife this year?" poor man says "i got her slippers and a dildo." rich man says "why did you get her both?" poor man says "because if she dosent like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
If I had a dollar for all the stupid jokes I come up with on the spot in any given week, I kid you not, I'd have, like, a few dollars. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Imago said: This is the only one I know .
Question: What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Answer: Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts. Anyway, is that what they call people who live in Tampa ? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
JerseyKRS said: If I had a dollar for all the stupid jokes I come up with on the spot in any given week, I kid you not, I'd have, like, a few dollars.
If you had a dollar for every photoshop of yours, you'd be a millionaire  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
ArielB said: JerseyKRS said: If I had a dollar for all the stupid jokes I come up with on the spot in any given week, I kid you not, I'd have, like, a few dollars.
If you had a dollar for every photoshop of yours, you'd be a millionaire hell yes!!! BTW, a couple of yours, I can't lie, were priceless.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
He's 16 posts away from 22,222
A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.
He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money. So the guy walks in the back and after a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out. The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sittin on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money. So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears. As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry. The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then he did, and the second time I proved it. To Sir, with Love | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
June7 said: Okay... a friend sent me this.
The Hypnotist at the Senior Center It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude Was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed Hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put Into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience!" The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful Antique Pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very Special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to Swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!", said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the senior center.
| |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.
He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?" At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!" To Sir, with Love | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady
cashier walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.' Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping. At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his 'barracks door.' He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?' The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said 'No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags. Wanted: Virtual Sugar Daddy to help me buy stuff on Farmville and move up the ranks. Use of Viagra not authorized. Get your two minutes and go! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
FunkMistress said: 2Jay said: 2 guys walk into a bar. The old man quickly becomes drunk, and throws up on the other man. The guys says "oh crap. my wife is gonna kill me." so the old man gives him some money and puts it in his shirt pocket. So the man goes home, where his wife is waiting. The wife says, what happened? well the guy threw up on me. He gave me money for the laundromat. The wife takes the money out of the shirt pocket. "But this is a twenty." "I know. I crapped my pants too".
I think you're telling it wrong. that was how i heard it. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
3 women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting
about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and a mask over their eyes . After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend: "the other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. He saw me he said: "you are the woman of my life, I love you"...then we made love all night long The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything.....but we had wild sex all night The married one: "the other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says..... "Alright Batman, what's for dinner?" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
ShySlantedEye1 said: A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady
cashier walked up to him and said, 'Your barracks door is open.' Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, 'Your fly is open.' He zipped up and finished his shopping. At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the lady was that told him about his 'barracks door.' He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, 'When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a Marine standing in there at attention?' The lady (naturally smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said 'No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags. To Sir, with Love | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |