I have a question for the men, because maybe they can relate and have some particular insight. And the women can try to answer too, but I don't know if they can, because it's maybe like one of those "You can't smell your own breath/house/etc." type of things.

I'm currently living with a woman who is the wife of my best friend/boss, while I'm here in Hawaii (he's already moved back to Illinois, and both she and I are going back soon as well). I love this woman dearly. But one thing that's really been getting on my nerves lately is the constant chatter. Chatter about everything. It's inane bullshit most of the time.

The thing is, I don't mind conversation at all. But at times when I'm sitting here on the computer reading something (or reading a book) or typing or just sitting here trying to shut my brain off to everything that she wants to talk about (things that happened that day, upcoming plans, etc.), it's just a constant stream of chatter, no matter whether I'm responding or not.

I've noticed this about pretty much all of the women I've lived with in the course of my life. So the question is, what is this about? Why do women (I'll say MOST women, because I'm sure there are exceptions) feel the need to fill up every silence with conversation or just inane chatter about things that have been discussed over and over and over.

For me, silence is golden, unless I really have something to say. If there's something to talk about, I'm glad to engage in conversation or chit-chat about it, but when I'm sitting here obviously trying to decompress after a long, stressful day of work, the last thing I want to talk about is the laundry list of everything that happened that day, everything that's happening tomorrow, next week, next month, etc.

Can someone clue me in? Why are women like this? And is there a way to deal with this without basically saying "Please be quiet"? Sitting there and saying "Mmmhmmm, yeah" with semi-obvious disinterest doesn't really seem to stop it.

Thank you. Being a surrogate husband is hard work!

I've seen evidence that leads me to believe it is difficult for women to speak with something in their mouth.

I, of course, am suggesting you buy her a nice dinner.

I'm only ever really chatty when I am drunk.

No, wait scratch that. I meant to say "slutty".

That's not what this thread is about...is it?

Isn't this one of those immovable object/irresistible force questions?

Women are natural communicators. Men withdraw into themselves..Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...It explains a lot. And don't get married if you don't like talking...or listening for that matter.

Raze said:

No.

Just pretend your listening

I used to do it because I feel like if I don't say something I might be a bore. I'm really not a talker at all. I had an ex that wanted to talk all the time. He saw my silence as not being interested when all I wanted was just some alone time A lot of times me and my man just chill and do whatever it is we're doing with little conversation sometimes its really cool .

dannyd5050 said:

Ever see the Norm MacDonald MAFM, WAFV infomercial parody? Holy Lord, that was funny!

I call it “white noise” and I don't know why most women (and some men) feel they have to talk all the damn time. The only thing I've been able to come up with is that they like the sound of their own voices and like to hear themselves talk. There’s a man who sits across from me in my office like that, he has to talk...the man cannot, not speak. I always get the opposite, what’s wrong, what’s on your mind, you’re being quiet question because I don’t chatter, when I have something to say, I’ll say it.
[Edited 4/6/08 12:48pm]

Ace said:

No but I'd like too...I'm sure it's funny. It's probably on youtube!

Ace said:

there is ... it's called "fellatio" and it's the best thing since sliced bread.

Actually, this is what I think.... ..from the beginning of time men and women have always possessed individual characteristics these characteristics can be accredited to the survival of both sexes and thus our species not all of these identifying traits tend to be the same with men and women there are many similarities and differences between the two genders not all of which are readily evident the variations of each sex have come to play an important role NEEDTAMPONS in how each uniquely functions in todays society at first glance men and women look quite similar both have the same extremities two arms two legs connected with a torso and a head projecting on top men and women both evolved to walk upright on two legs NEEDPANTYHOSE and given an opposable thumb characteristics exclusive to our species alone with a closer look there are very distinct physical differences differences that evolved from the different roles men and women played thousands of years ago men were the provider much like they are in some:blahblah: there are many things to be said about men and women no one can pretend they know everything about the two a vast majority of people want to study the relationship between men and their counterparts one could say that it is made too complicated when it starts when it starts getting into the psychoanalytical WHATISHETHINKINGABOUT studies men are put out there as more dominant leaders and women and women start to feel like they have something to prove MUSTBUYSHOES to society by proving they too can do just as well being that by nature human beings are subject to their own greed thus women will go to great lengths to prove they can do as men do the Civil Rights Act was extended towards women too as a result of that it opened the door for women for women to participate in more things only men were allowed some men and women do not even get along SPORTSVSFASHIONSPORTSVSFASHION perhaps to see and understand certain differences should be looked at such as interest hobbies and habits.....

And...and...and....

In The Female Mind, Dr Luan Brizendine says women devote more brain cells to talking than men.

And, if that wasn't enough, the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.

Dr Brizendine, a self-proclaimed feminist, says the differences can be traced back to the womb, where the sex hormone testosterone moulds the developing male brain.

The areas responsible for communication, emotion and memory are all pared back in the unborn baby boy.

The result is that boys - and men - chat less than their female counterparts and struggle to express their emotions to the same extent.

"Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road," said Dr Brizendine, who runs a female "mood and hormone" clinic in San Francisco.

There are, however, advantages to being the strong, silent type. Dr Brizendine explains that testosterone also reduces the size of the section of the brain involved in hearing - allowing men to become "deaf" to the most logical of arguments put forward by their wives and girlfriends.

But what the male brain may lack in converstation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex.

Dr Brizendine says the brain's "sex processor" - the areas responsible for sexual thoughts - is twice as big as in men than in women, perhaps explaining why men are stereotyped as having sex on the mind.
[Edited 4/6/08 13:14pm]

ask people how they get me to shut up when i've been drinking. otherwise i'm quiet, but then i have no idea how it's done.

I don't consider chatter under the influence as “typical chatter” because you know it’s the result of the drink and not the norm for that person.

noimageatall said:

I like the hidden messages your inprinted in this(NEEDTAMPONS, NEEDPANTYHOSE, type stuff in between the 's)

Wonderful post btw.

I love that the answer to it is such a damn mystery I'm a woman who loves my solitude - I don't yap on the phone a lot, don't have to constantly have people around, etc... Just tell her that you don't wanna hurt her feelings BUT that you really NEED your alone time without talking/tv noise/music, whatever. & that when she see's you on the computer or reading that you'd like that room/area/time to yourself, you just need it for your mental.

If that doesn't work, kindly go to another room once she invades - not in a shitty way though, you don't want the environment to turn hostile 'cause then she'll really talk your ass to death! But state it plainly & stick to it. She'll get it one day... I think

date a japanese girl

they respect silence and consider it rude to talk all the time

there is nothing more annoying to my ears than women who yap a lot, esp. American girls (but i'm sure this goes for other countries too)

CalhounSq said:

Exactamundo!

I love my quiet time. I will dread the day if I ever live with someone else. Just say it in a nice, caring way and she should get the picture without getting her feelings hurt.

Thanks everyone.


So far, nothing's grabbing my fancy


The weekend has been better. I guess because I didn't need decompression time after work. Plus we drove across the island to a beach, and we always sit apart. The ride to and from wasn't any different, but I think just having time alone helps me to get a handle on it.

Raze said:

i feel the exact same way you do on this topic. need some answers myself.

Raze said:

Pussy

Just say something, if you don't get it off your chest you'll freak out on her for the littlest thing and then feel bad.

I guess I don't see this as a male/female thing but more of an introvert/extrovert thing.
I am someone who desperately needs quiet time, to the point I can't imagine living with someone really.

Can't say why they do it but I have 2 suggestions.
1. Buy some nice headphones.....or
2. Tell her u need some QUITE time, and MEAN it.

CarrieLee said:

For real If you don't wanna say anything then just suffer & enjoy

Men have the need to fix things when an issue arises so in my youth, I'd be engaged in these conversations while looking for a solution or trying to come up with a common theme so I could help with the obvious distress her day/her co-workers caused. Now I realize, she just needs to talk to flush out her frustrations and be able to move on.

CarrieLee said:

it's not even his wife, he doesn't have to admit to shit! They'll both be on their ways in no time and then the person who has sex with this woman will go back to be the guy who has to listen.

The way I deal with it, is I let my mind go somewhere else while listening to like 20% of what's being said. If a tv is on, that helps but make sure you have eye contact or she'll get upset.

Is it her home you're staying in? If so, it's entirely possible that she considers you a guest and feels she has to entertain you. Or she may feel uncomfortable being alone with you and the chatter is her way of dealing with that. Or she may miss her husband and is talking to keep her mind off that.

Then again, some people are just uncomfortable with silence.