...

Those are the words that feel like an avalanche to your soul after you've fallen hard for someone and been left hanging on a thread by him for weeks... only to have him reject your feelings. Unfortunately, I had to endure those painful words today, just as many have before me, and doubtlessly will in the future.


(Follow up thread to http://prince.org/msg/100/264755)


Originally, I was going to confront him tomorrow, because that would have marked exactly three weeks since giving him my letter, and given me a whole spring break afterwards to either let my first relationship blossom, or recover from the heartbreak and embarrassment.

But it was driving me crazy... HE was driving me crazy... so I finally "jumped in the pool", so to speak, and asked him about the letter TODAY after class.

His answer?

"Oh yeah... I read it, and I thought it was best that we stay friends. Wow, was it really three weeks ago?"

Me: ... ...


After I bid him farewell, I went over to where my friends were since it was lunchtime, and just started SOBBING into my friend Myriah's chest. She hugged me, and told me that it just wasn't meant to be, and she and a few other friends hugged me and tried cheering me up. But as much as I appreciated their efforts and was reminded what good friends I have, nothing they could do or say was gonna mend my broken heart, so I spent the remainder of the day telling my teacher whom I have the boy with EVERYTHIHG, bawling my eyes out in her hospital bed (she's a Health Science/Medical teacher), and finally calling to be checked out of school early. I mean, I was just DEVASTATED.

Call me pathetic or over-emotional if you will, but the reason why it hurt so bad in the first place was not because this boy was some little cutie that I had just met prior to writing a love letter to... but a phenomenal, one-in-a-million person that I had gotten to know and become friends with since last August. I fell for his INNER beauty, not his outer beauty (although he possesses that, too, in my eyes), and felt that everything about him were qualities and interests that I lacked, and could beautifully learn and benefit from. He completed me, to put it basically.


But you know what? As much I didn't WANT to lose my quest for his heart, I care about him enough to LET HIM GO and just continue waiting to find that one special guy. It frustrates the ever-living fuck out of me because most of my friends are happily hooked up right now, and to keep seeing them with their boyfriends/girlfriends, just as happy as can be, day in and day out (meanwhile, I have never dated before in my life), is painful. But hey, that's life... que sera, sera. My time just hasn't come yet, and I have to accept that and move on.


And hey, at least he offered me a STAYING FRIENDSHIP, which I will happily keep building with him, and act as if none of this ever happened. That's more than I can say for TONS of boys, who would have just been jackasses to me about the situation. But this boy obviously likes me enough and is wonderful enough to keep being my friend even if he doesn't feel about like I felt about him.... I only wish he hadn't kept me hanging on that aforementioned thread.

squiddyren said:

Sometimes people just aren't as into us as we are into them AND vice versa. Knowing is better than not knowing because now you know and can move on. Sure it feels terrible today and probably the rest of the week, but as you come to realize that you didn't complete him as he did you and that there is someone out there who you will complete and compliment it'll get easier. It's obvious that your letter didn't prompt him to talk with you right away and he blew it off and hadn't really noticved 3 weeks had passed (He did but was sparing your feelings and didn't want to confront you about the letter )

I know it's hard to see all your friends hooked up and "happy", but give yourself time to heal. I'd actually not persue that next phase of friendship just yet and let him make that move. The more you're around him the harder it'll be to move on and find someone who digs you. The worst is when you like someone but they are hung up on someone who will never love them in the way they love that person.

Be Free, Be Strong. Be Peaceful.

I just read your orginal post you're only 17. This stuff gets easier/harder as time goes by. You have PLENTY of time to find the right guy. Heck, you're not even in college yet, that's where all the good stuff happens and again at 21. You'll be fine. Trust me.
[Edited 3/27/08 14:05pm]

superspaceboy said:

good advice

Keep ya pimp hand strong!

it's ok. you're not dont yet meaning you are going to go thru alot. relationships help you grow as a person. experience helps you and to love yourself first is the best.