There once was a time where one income was simply the norm and the family structure of that era was...well...pretty stable wouldn't you agree?

There came a time where two incomes have become commonplace and the family structure has become highly unstable.

What went wrong?

Men decided they didn't want to be bothered?

Rather ironically families wanted more than just stability.

Stymie said:

Mind elaborating?

DexMSR said:

Marriage and family used to be a big deal to everyone. Once upon a time, if a guy got a girl pregnant, he'd stick around or he'd take care of his responsibility willingly. It is too easy for men to walk away from their responsibility. A father walks: no big deal. A mother walks and she is a bad parent who'll go to jail for child abandonment.

PREDOMINANT said:

And that "more" sometimes became more important then the family unit itself

Mach said:

Plasma TV, Holidays abroad, cable, Bigger and better cars ()

Stymie said:

Ok, and how does this answer the question I posed in the effects of a one income household as opposed to two?

PREDOMINANT said:

The mighty $ and what it could buy became more important then the time and investment it takes to nurture your child(ren)- after all $$ pays for a nanny so we can make more $ to buy more things





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[Edited 3/26/08 8:05am]

Stymie said:

I don't agree with this, certainly not so clear cut in the UK. Of course, the guy can fuck off but i don't think this is relavent to the question.

I think the desire for more money has pushed families into needing two incomes. the feminist movement also gave women the choice and having the choice women chose to work. I know a few Househusbands but generally men, having the fredom to work, chose to carry on doing so. The difficulty is balancing work and family life in a modern society.

DexMSR said:

Scratch what I said then. I misunderstood the question.

With regards to two incomes, I will agree with Mach and Steve. When someone earns more, they spend more and all the things people want lead to less family interaction. It doesn't help that society pumps you up into believing you need more toys.

I can attest to the fact that my kids and I were happier in a one bedroom apartment then the 3 bedroom house we're in now.

PREDOMINANT said:

Now we are getting somewhere.....

PREDOMINANT said:

people seem to want the best of everything these days. bigger homes, expensive cars and so on. this alone is nothing new but now it feels like a competition. out do the other guy in all aspects especially where i live. things were more simple back in the days when the single family income took care of all needs. people were more practical i think.

Stymie said:

Mach said:

I unfortunately fall into this category (full time nursery - but Nanny will be cheaper than two in full time care)

It is a struggle to decide what is best for your children in this situation. Should either of us give up good careers to stay at home, or can we raise a child and both have successful careers

Mach said:

But my son is happier with a nice big garden to run around in and fields to walk in than a small suburban yard and busy park.

PREDOMINANT said:

It is very hard to make all the choices we have to make as parents

There is no right or wrong really and what worked well and seemed good for our lives can shift and we change and make different choices all the time

Mach said:

Yea! Perhaps I will quit!!

Dex, what makes you think that the instability in the family comes from two parents working? There are perhaps other societal issues at play which have also influenced this change.

Is this change real, or do you assume that the family structure is weak in modern society?

PREDOMINANT said:

When the two income household became prominent it first, took time away from the children being nurtured inherently and took even more time away from parental involvement of the Mom when there was once only her to do this while Dad worked.

Secondly, the family began to fragment in respect to that time spent because now BOTH parents have to make a schedule to spend time with the kids. These days, parents (NOT ALL) rely on daycare, nannies, babysitters, and television to raise their children because the demands of their jobs are becoming more and more taxing and time consuming.

Housewives are a hard working lot NO DOUBT! I just feel we allowed money and consumerism to create a society that places more value on chasing and getting that dollar than to raise and sustain a viable family structure.

If we could all not feed into one-upping each other and learn to lead more simple lifestyles, there would not be such a quagmire in so many homes!

I grew up with Dad working and Mom being home cooking and cleaning and taking care of us. She didn't start working full time till I was almost out of high school. Dad still made enough for us to have dancing school lessons, trips every year, and we always had 2 cars, a nice house, and whatever else. But they started with nothing in their early 20s and built a life.

When I was engaged, my fiance already had a mortgage, child support to 2 different women, and debt left over from his 1st marriage. He expected me to "pull my weight" to help with these expenses, plus I was already in Grad School myself with student loans to come. I had my own bills and so on...
He point blank told me that a baby of my own would be out of the question for a while (I was already 37! )

My point is, our relationship statuses have changed. As young adults, we rack up a lot of debt that we bring with us to relationships... Neither one is then in a position to stop working once they get together.

chocolate1 said:

That is a hard position to be in and a hard one to resolve as time waits on noone!

chocolate1 said:

I disagree with the very last part. Should someone come into my life, I am in a position for she/he to stay home with the kids. It's very important to me that I feel my kids are nurtured and loved.

Stymie said:

So it is safe to say that you would condone one parent being an at home parent? Would you scale back your lifestyle to attain that goal. I mean, if you (and I present this to the entire group here) could scale back your spending and living arrangement for the sake of one of you staying home...would you do it? Could any of you do it?

Stymie said:

I'm not saying it's everyone. In fact, I wanted to take time off because I believe it's important to be with children early in their development. I was willing to sacrifice and budget- even take time off from school- to make it work.
But that was one bone of contention that led to our demise as a couple. Plus, I didn't feel it was my responsibility to fund those other women.

But what I am saying is- it does happen.

wow ... tough stuff ...

DexMSR said:

I would absolutely condone one parent staying at home. I don't live a particularly extravangant lifestyle now and I don't believe in credit cards so outside my car, I have no debt.

Would you scale back your lifestyle to attain that goal. I mean, if you (and I present this to the entire group here) could scale back your spending and living arrangement for the sake of one of you staying home...would you do it? Could any of you do it?

Yes I would and did - it was not easy and didnt happen overnight

and I would do it again

Now when Jess leaves for college I may return to work again

Mach said:

I would. I spend money on stuff like shoes and Prince because I don't have anything else.

We went from both parents working to just my dad. I think the only time I realy felt the difference was when college came around.


I think you adjust and you LEARN that you really don't need all of the BS to be Happy.