I'm still working on that. I grew up an only child, too. So, there are times I have to make the effort to get out of my own head and get out more and be around people.

But, if I have good reason to suspect I'm being excluded deliberately from something, well, I try to confront (diplomatically) the other parties involved. If that yields no change, I withdraw from them, change my environment.

shanti0608 said:

I get that. Yet it's when those few let you down that you're *really* disappointed...

This only child thing is proving very interesting on the social interaction front...

susannah said:

As a teen, I was very comfortable ... for hours at a time ... reading books and practicing instruments in solitude. Some two decades later, the same is true, to some extent...

ThreadBare said:

I was too, but I guess I feel like sometimes I want more is all. I think that for me that behaviour was a dependency thing, and now I am concious that when I do it, I am trying to escape again, and I dont want to be doing that.

susannah said:

Yeah, I was dealing with that especially hard today. I think it hits me harder Sunday afternoons. Still, I went home from church and buried myself in chores.

Haystack said:

Very wise advice, but I feel I want to read it again tomorrow....I have been drinking And then I will respond better!

I guess what I mean is, what you are saying is so true that it cuts to close to the bone for me and I would rather ignore it right now, while I still want to go out, that is...

ThreadBare said:

I HATE Sundays!!! Sundays are my worst time

susannah said:

Yeah, I leave church after being around a bunch of seemingly happy couples and families while pondering the larger issues in life, and return to an empty house. And, Monday is right around the corner. Yeah, I dig.

Good seein' you back in these parts, btw.

ThreadBare said:

Apart from the church part, which I only do these days in times of deep distress, those emotions are what I have always felt. It's just a day that screams to me, everyone else is with their loving families doing things together, and youre alone, or that everyone else pulled last night and is together today, and youre alone....

I hate Sundays. Today was ok tho to be honest, I went for a 5 mile walk with my mother, friend, and 3 dogs, and was too tired too be lonely.

Edit - PS thankyou that means a lot
[Edited 3/23/08 16:56pm]

susannah said:

Screw that only child social skills excuse. I grew up in a household with 8 other children. (I'm actually 1 of 14). Socially, I couldn't wait to get the hell away from all of the madness, fights and dumb talk. Playing board games was war and playing monopoly often resulted in some type of impalement along with the sight of blood. Sometimes I would go under furniture (I was very tiny), behind the bar, lock myself in the bathroom, bring a flashlight, book and a few toys in the closet. I didnt' want to be near them most of the friggin time. They were noisy, rude and ganged up on others. I preferred to keep to myself...I liked to draw, read and create crap. Whenever they knew what I was doing, they would pick it apart so I learned young that they were all simply screwed in the head.

As I got older, most of my friends were drawn to me because I could give two hoots about what other people thought of me and enjoyed things on my own, in my own way, and on my own terms. Basically I feel people are around other people supposedly to enhance each others lives. If anything less than that is taking place, I couldn't give a hoot about if I fit into somebody's little social click. Despite my 'social skills" (or lack thereof), my renigade "who's gives a F___ about what you think" aura ironically often thrusts me into popularity. If people have a sense of humor, I like, respect and often befriend people who have the balls to openly think differently from the way I do..it just makes life interesting.
[Edited 3/23/08 21:20pm]

StillGotIt said:

Wow! In that situation, each child fends for themselves. My grandma was second youngest of 15. She said one time her dad remembered her name it is her fondest memory.

ZombieKitten said:[quote]

StillGotIt said:

Oh yea....and dont let mom buy one kid their own special box of cereal...it was like Lord of the Flies I had to hide my special fruit loops in the broken dryer until I finished the box and could only eat some when the others were not around
[Edited 3/23/08 21:28pm]

StillGotIt said:[quote]

ZombieKitten said:

omg I can imagine! how many loaves of bread were needed for dinner?

ZombieKitten said:

Bread with dinner? ... never knew it existed until I was out of that house. We ate lots of stews, pastas, pots of rice, beans or baked potatoes with every meal. We also drank a lot of cocoa and tea. Bread was almost exclusively for after school P&J sandwiches. Believe it or not, we also ate tons of steak...(at least those of us who had that starved look ate lots of steak..but I wouldn't eat meat as a kid...hated the smell...drove mom nuts ). Thankfully, many of my older teen siblings held jobs in food services...especially my 5 teenage brothers ... greedy bastards!
[Edited 3/23/08 21:40pm]

All I can say is I ate best in school...cuz nobody was trying to take my food.

StillGotIt said:

man

susannah said:

hon ...I very very much empathise with feeling that way and there's no easy answer. just know you are very loved

susannah said:

I feel you there. I guess that is how I was able to move 5000 miles away from everyone that I knew.
I grew up not getting attached to ppl or friends so I guess I do not let myself get too close to ppl.
It is hard when you are struggling with something and really need a friend.

I guess that is why I am still on the org. Everything in my life has changed in the past year and the org is the only thing that has stayed the same.

Your life has changed so much in the past year. I think you are growing into a most splendid woman.

Hate seeing you feel like this, Alice - and relate to virtually everything, everything, on this thread. I agree with Phil - hugs help.

In my case, I was a real bedroom dreamer growing up - I had a very small circle of friends, my family situation was dire, outside of the house I felt unsafe. A horrible feeling when you don't feel safe in your own house OR outside of it. The only thing I had to get me by was my imagination and my music. This will sound crazy, but those two things saved my life. Then going to Uni, getting away from it all, and making new friends... but very recently, right now in fact, I am finding out those who I can rely on, and those I can't. People I have stuck by and looked after (one who was threatening to commit suicide, in fact)... It seems when the chips are down, sometimes, I have to watch my own back. And it can be a very lonely feeling - especially when you have been there for the same people. God, there are about 50 things on this thread that I could tick off and give my side of the story on; just know that I relate. And if you ever need to chat, you know where I am.

The short-term answer is to find things to occupy your time with. Soon, these things will not matter, hopefully. You are an amazingly strong woman - you will get through this, I know. Just stay strong, believe in yourself and keep your head high. It can be tough, but you are worth so much more than that bullshit. Take care, love.



.
[Edited 3/24/08 4:50am]

ZombieKitten said:

Cry.
And then give myself some kind of treat. Usually something small, whether it's a new book, or a nice meal or whatever.

I guess for now, I would have to feel grateful.....


.the org has been quite "uplifting" but every thing changes at some point.

susannah said:

There's nothing like drinking alone to get one wallowing in self-pity.

Seriously. Don't do that. The results are never pretty.

susannah said:

I can relate to some of what you say. I have many great acquaintances but around 4 people that have truly been there for me since day 1. I am an only child and right now I live by myself.

Please don't do anything destructive just so that you feel like you fit in. Although I know how boring it can be. It really isn't worth it.

Please, take care.

xxoo
M

I can defintely relate to still's thread www.dramahouse.org.....


and zombie is defintely on point. .....gawd, just thinking about it



..... ..... .....

i've never liked being left out, but its interesting to see the types of people who do...scared little scrunchy people who live lonely lives.

royalshyness said:

what?