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Thread started 03/24/08 11:34pm

LiquidGold

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Let's write some tankas!

A tanka is a Japanese verse form of 31 syllables in five unrhymed lines, the first and third having five syllables each, and the others seven


Here's mine I worked really hard on this counting syllables and shit:

I like the blue sky
But the clouds get in the way
I hate the wet grass
It causes my leg to itch
So I will sit on the porch





Your turn!
biggrin
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #1 posted 03/25/08 2:15am

Flowerz

im only good @ writing Haikus .. 5-7-5
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Reply #2 posted 03/25/08 2:58am

PANDURITO

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LiquidGold said:

I like the blue sky
But the clouds get in the way
I hate the wet grass
It causes my leg to itch
So I will sit on the porch
biggrin

Ain't that a Bjork song? smile
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Reply #3 posted 03/25/08 3:03am

PANDURITO

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Gonna do my best
trying to write a tanka
Will you please forgive?
cause it's my first time ever
and it will probably stink


It's over before it started redface
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Reply #4 posted 03/25/08 4:05pm

LiquidGold

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PANDURITO said:

LiquidGold said:

I like the blue sky
But the clouds get in the way
I hate the wet grass
It causes my leg to itch
So I will sit on the porch
biggrin

Ain't that a Bjork song? smile

lol Could be
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #5 posted 03/25/08 4:05pm

LiquidGold

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Damn! Nobody else wants to try this challenge??? Geez
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #6 posted 03/25/08 4:12pm

One4All4Ever

oops there it is now
I can't hold it back no more
I have to hold you
pressure on my bleeding heart
it's why I don't show tears
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Reply #7 posted 03/25/08 4:32pm

Runza

standing here in mind
sitting slouched and broken in body
disconnect the phone
after one little sound
drives both outside the walls


This was fun. smile
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Reply #8 posted 03/25/08 4:45pm

wHiTEgIRlCrAzY

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old friends they fade away
the tree although strong will to die
do either know the way
fond memories need to be cared for
remembering insures us together life is perfect ...
aka crazyhorse
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Reply #9 posted 03/25/08 5:41pm

One4All4Ever

tonight it is me
and you in a steaming tub
let me rub your back
I want to sink together
In a midnight full of us
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Reply #10 posted 03/25/08 5:43pm

Imago

I will tap your ass,
after you cook me something,
whatever you want,
I will love it completely,
For desert, blow job? razz
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Reply #11 posted 03/25/08 5:44pm

Byron

Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle


Thank yew touched...
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Reply #12 posted 03/25/08 5:44pm

Protege

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Byron said:

Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle


Thank yew touched...

neutral

falloff

HE'S COMING AGAIN
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Reply #13 posted 03/25/08 5:45pm

One4All4Ever

Imago said:

I will tap your ass,
after you cook me something,
whatever you want,
I will love it completely,
For desert, blow job? razz


5-7-5-7-7
mad
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Reply #14 posted 03/25/08 5:46pm

Byron

wHiTEgIRlCrAzY said:

old friends they fade away
the tree although strong will to die
do either know the way
fond memories need to be cared for
remembering insures us together life is perfect ...

Count you, I say, count your syllables, son. Syllables, that is...
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Reply #15 posted 03/25/08 5:47pm

Byron

Protege said:

Byron said:

Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Coke is the shit, yo!
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle
Pepsi sucks ass, fo shizzle


Thank yew touched...

neutral

falloff

I have many hidden talents nod..
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Reply #16 posted 03/25/08 5:52pm

JuliePurplehea
d

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You done fucked up now
You thought you could do better
You dumb smug bastard
Your head is so fucking huge
Time to deflate it
Shake it til ya make it dancing jig
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Reply #17 posted 03/25/08 6:11pm

Byron

My lips touch your skin
My fingers stroke you softly
Your moans fill my ears
Your body says you love me
Souls connect when I'm in you
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Reply #18 posted 03/25/08 6:33pm

Byron

I saw your heartbeat
I laughed when you kicked my hand
Prayed daily for health
Cried when you first met my eyes
And I still thank God for you
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Reply #19 posted 03/25/08 7:33pm

baroque

no tanka for me then
[Edited 3/25/08 19:40pm]
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Reply #20 posted 03/25/08 7:36pm

Flowerz

baroque said:

the magnitude of desire
heat waves admit a neon crimson aura
fixation on a familiar face
my face shows a evident weakness
this chemical of attraction, slowly consuming me.


she said.. the 1st n 3rd lines.. have to have 5 syllables
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Reply #21 posted 03/25/08 7:40pm

baroque

Flowerz said:

baroque said:

the magnitude of desire
heat waves admit a neon crimson aura
fixation on a familiar face
my face shows a evident weakness
this chemical of attraction, slowly consuming me.


she said.. the 1st n 3rd lines.. have to have 5 syllables



too hard.
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Reply #22 posted 03/25/08 7:48pm

Flowerz

the moon shone through night
without a doubt it was clear
staring at its bliss
a beautiful countenance
gracing us in the night sky
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Reply #23 posted 03/25/08 10:05pm

Janfriend

This chick stole my food
So I bopped her on the head
She ran to the cops
I ran behind the bushes
She won't bother me no mo
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Reply #24 posted 03/25/08 10:07pm

LiquidGold

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Runza said:

standing here in mind
sitting slouched and broken in body
disconnect the phone
after one little sound
drives both outside the walls


This was fun. smile

Wrong amount of syllables
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #25 posted 03/25/08 10:08pm

LiquidGold

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One4All4Ever said:

oops there it is now
I can't hold it back no more
I have to hold you
pressure on my bleeding heart
it's why I don't show tears

Very good. Get rid of one of those conjunctions and it will be perfect!
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #26 posted 03/25/08 10:09pm

LiquidGold

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One4All4Ever said:

tonight it is me
and you in a steaming tub
let me rub your back
I want to sink together
In a midnight full of us

Oooh. I like
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #27 posted 03/25/08 10:11pm

LiquidGold

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Everybody made some really good ones biggrin
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Reply #28 posted 03/26/08 4:48am

One4All4Ever

LiquidGold said:

One4All4Ever said:

oops there it is now
I can't hold it back no more
I have to hold you
pressure on my bleeding heart
it's why I don't show tears

Very good. Get rid of one of those conjunctions and it will be perfect!


oops there it is now
I can not find the right words
I have to hold you
pressure on my bleeding heart
alone I cry in silence

better ?? I think so ...
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Reply #29 posted 03/26/08 3:36pm

LiquidGold

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One4All4Ever said:

LiquidGold said:


Very good. Get rid of one of those conjunctions and it will be perfect!


oops there it is now
I can not find the right words
I have to hold you
pressure on my bleeding heart
alone I cry in silence

better ?? I think so ...

Oh yeah, that's good. I meant put either "it is" or "do not" so you would have the right amount of syllables, but your change was better thumbs up!
Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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