It's confirmed that it is Stage 4 prostate cancer that has spread to his lower back, up his spine, and into his lungs.

His prognosis is anywhere from 16 months to 5 years.

Can anyone who has lost a parent give me some advice? My sister and I feel lost.

I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through..

I cannot give you any advice since both of my parents died suddenly (accident and a heart attack)

Just try to be with him as much as you can

I am so sorry . Although I lost my dad and also my aunt who I was always a lot closer than to my mom I cannot give you any advice as everyone is dealing differently with such a situation that changes your whole life. But I can tell you that you are much stronger than you think you are. Somehow we pull through phases of our life we feel completely lost without even knowing how .

Sorry gem.


just love him. He's still here so celebrate his LIFE!!!


As Serious has said, we all deal so differently. Pray, meditate but love on him.

gemini13 said:

sorry to hear of your father's illness. i lost my father to pancreatic cancer a few years back. there are networks devoted to helping people who are in this situation, and which are affiliated with most hospitals. have you begun checking out hospices and other long-term care options?

i hope you are doing okay.

Thank you guys.

I'm sitting here crying hysterically and I have to go to work in two hours.

gemini13 said:

employers are required by law and by social custom to be understanding of these situations. you might want to take the day off.

gemini13 said:

nothing wrong with crying

I was watching the movie, "The Wiz" last weekend and began to LOSE it when Diana started to sing "Home". Mom died four years ago. Its always with you but he's still alive.

We should turn this thread around.

Tell us some GREAT stuff about your dad!!

XxAxX said:

I had a very long talk with the boss yesterday. He has offered me the world as far as time off. He knows that I may have to move back up to the folks at any time, but he is also offering me future properties if I want them.

He wants me to work a three day week at times just to be able to visit my parents more often, but I honestly can't afford it.

Rhondab said:

Well, let's see....

He was my best friend when I was growing up. He is a retired police officer, used to run the indoor and outdoor shooting ranges at San Jose P.D., I used to hang out at the ranges with him constantly, so I've shot so many guns, I've grown to hate them. He owned a single engine airplane he used to take me flying around the Bay Area in. I never really appreciated how fun that was until just recently. He is the only man I've been able to fully depend on. He and my mother have been married for 50 years. He's John Wayne and Clint Eastwood mixed together, so him being sick is very hard on him.

Sorry to hear, lady. Hang in there.

hun, take the day off
be with your family... do what rhonda said, celebrate his life
you're not losing your father, he'll always be with you as long as you keep him near you...
you need to cry when you feel you should, let it out
i don't know what it's like to lose a parent, but i've had too many close friends go through it, and even i'm haunted by the possibility (especially being away at school most of the time)... support your family, laugh, celebrate, but prepare for the transition... mourning is inevitable but it won't plague you too long if you focus on the positive and acknowledge that it's a transition... but again, keep in mind he's still alive... celebrate it, go be with him...

we're here for you gem..

gemini13 said:

wow. you are dealing with a lot right now. hang in there

I have to go to work. The damn place will fall apart without me there, my assistant is slightly worthless.

Thank you again.

On Death

Kahlil Gibran

You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

http://www.katsandogz.com/ondeath.html

XxAxX said:

I admire this fellow's jolly optimism, but I think his lips may well be velcroed to a magic porridge pot of moonjuice. You can't dance without limbs, either in euphamisic dreamland or this deeply wrong reality. Karla, I'm sorry your dad's dying. He really sounds like one of the good guys, not that morality or warmth seem to buy you much in the end. Maybe just a few more broken hearts when you go. It's horror. It just blows my mind. My thoughts are with you.

Number23 said:

Love always K, you know we are here for anything you need

mdiver said:

Don't make me blubber at work.

Number23 said:

this? from YOU?????

gemini13 said:

In that case how about we get back to our normal selves?

"fuck you, you sour assed bitch"


Ok that had better not back fire....it was supposed to make you laugh

XxAxX said:

oops. sorry to laugh on this thread.

I wish I had the words to say to you that would comfort you and guide you through this. It must be so hard...I can't imagine.
All I can say is that I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through right now.
Take care and like Mr Mdiver said... we are here for you. Though we will be out of reach for two weeks. April 1st - 15th..just in case you try to reach him. I do not want you to think we are ignoring you.
We will check in to see how you are doing when we get back.

Karla, thanks for sharing this update.

Listen, I meant it when I said I was only two hours away. When the times comes and you just need a friend around, please know I'll always answer.

And as for your daddy--not sure if you'll find any solace in this, but in the two funerals I've had the pain of attending in the past few months, I've found that these loved ones we lose haven't gone anywhere. I'm not saying we're not experiencing loss: but your father's going nowhere as long as he's remembered. I'm not a religious person, but can feel the warmth of my lost loved ones constantly. Constantly. And it never fades. He'll never leave you, Karla. The love between you is unbreakable.

Please call if you need a shoulder, day or night.

You guys are awesome!!

I feel a little better.

XxAxX said:

gemini13 said:

Awwwww shit that sux

Don't go to work. Take some time off and spend as much time with him as you can.

i'm still dealing with my Mom's passing 7 months ago. the only thing worse than losing a parent is losing a child, so in that respect, this is the natural order of life. i tell myself this when i start to miss my mother. tis far better for me to live on with her memory than to have her wallow in mine.
Good luck and be strong.

im so sorry hun



my dad passed away 2yrs ago nxt week- 5 mths after his diagnosis of secondary bone cancer- they had given him about 2mths

i cant give any advice, except 4 make the most of the time you have left together- and if u have any questions- please orgnote me- i'll try and answer them for u.