JustErin said:

Yes, you can!

Of course there has to be something attractive about the other person's look, whether it's the face or the curves etc., but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I find myself more and more attracted to girls around me that may not be "conventionally" beautiful, at least not in the eyes of my friends, but have personalities I find attractive. But of course I have no idea if it would work for me to date a "personality" because my feeelings in these recent cases have so far been unrequited.

JustErin said:

Whoa. Are you sure you're not talking about my life? Because this is the SAME exact shit I'm going through.

He's so fucking hot though

CarrieLee said:

Ugh, mine too. It makes me angry!

Imago said:

This isn't anything "odd" and it's far from "rare". It's what a lot of men do. I ceratinly do it, I'm initially attracted to the woman's body/face. It's all physical. I want to sleep with her because of her body and I want to make out with her cuz of her face. Has very little to do with her personality. At that stage, simply put, I could give a fuck about her personality. That's not what I want. At THAT stage. After dating her and if I continue to date her, I'm probably still there because the sex is good. BUT if the personality isn't clicking, then after awhile, I'm going to want to bounce. Because at THIS stage, as far as the sex, been there done that. Now if I dig her because she's sweet or "different", AND I'm in love with her body/face, then of course, then I have good cause to be hooked.

Anxiety said:

He wasn't like this, was he?

When I am not attracted to somebody it doesn't matter how wonderful his personality may be. He can be a friend, but nothing more. I don't know if that's shallow, but I know it wouldn't be honest to be with someone who isn't hot IMO . And it's not about being what is considered beautiful by society's standards, but he has to have that special something that I see him and I am immediately fascinated.

emm said:

Conversely, guys with an average body can be incredibly hot if they are well spoken and take the time to listen...

Communication is a 2-way street

I was just saying in orgnotes that I am attracted to like .5% of the general population and even then I am so anal about only being with people I know really well, so it's no wonder I am in the position I am in now.

I think that if you meet someone that you click with emotionally, they will eventually become hot.

Haven't you met someone that was hot, turned out to be a jerk and then later you thought to yourself that he wasn't as hot as you thought?

JustErin said:

Or perhaps you're only attracted to jerks?



I get what you're getting at, I totally do. I've said it before, it's easy peasy to find someone to "just" sleep with, but I can't seem to find a relationship to save my life. I tried to fight for years the sterotype that men only wanted one thing, but that's all they ever seem to want from me (with only one or two notable exceptions in 15 years of dating) and since I have no interest in the "just sleeping with" thing anymore I've pretty much given up on them.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

No. They just because really hot jerks...but they are still hot to me and therefore I never lose my attraction to them.

JustErin said:

.....I mean.....

I can relate a little. I spent 8 years with one.

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, maybe. I mean, I like really confident, aggressive dudes...I guess that tends to lean towards the 'jerk' category.

Or maybe I just become obsessed with emotionally unavailable men....oh oh...issues!!

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

I'm being serious though. I always hear people say that as they get to know someone their attraction can either dissipate or increase.

that.has.never.happened.to.me

Immediate attraction means I will always want you.

JustErin said:

Okay, this is my theory:


You like Alpha males. However, so do a lot of other women and this is why they tend to spread themselves around and very reluctantly commit, they know there are no shortage of females gagging for them. So they enjoy themselves until their looks are gone and finally settle down. You like them when they are still at the seed spreading stage unfortunately. My remedy is give them a wide berth and go for a different type of guy (not so brutish, agressive ) but somebody you find physically attractive.

:endoftheory:

CarrieMpls said:

Youre such a great person. Somebody will come along..

JustErin said:

I hear you.

I have come to a conclusion. I will never be in a relationship again. I'll just have casual sex and have my friends to keep me company. I feel blessed to have great great friends and great acquaintances.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

what?????


why?


You're a fucking catch Miguel

Imago said:

Miguel is a total catch. The entire package and then some.

But, I totally get what he's saying. I'm pretty much there myself. Not everyone finds someone. May as well be happy with what you've got.

LleeLlee said:

Thanks, LleeLlee. I hope so.

Imago said:

newpower99 said:

And so are you beautiful.

Though I would need a pretty large catchers glove to catch those balls.

JustErin said:

Your new Paul Walker inspired signiture goes perfect with this thread too in its own way.

CarrieMpls said:

You two are soooo sweet. And I think you both are TOTAL catches. I swear I'm not just saying that 'cause you did. The dating pool is just so crazy. In all my life I've only been on a handful of dates. I didn't like it.

Maybe I'm sending that unavailabe signal. I'm just, dare I say it, kinda happy right now with the status quo. It's been a while. I mean, I've accepted a lot of things about myself. It's funny, as soon as I said to myself, "I love my chubby self." and meant it. I somehow started going to the gym and lost a little weight.(actually I haven't lost a lot but I went down a pant size) It's weird how that works.

xxoo

CarrieMpls said:

I believe that our perfect match is overseas Carrie.....I'm only sayin'....

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Mine, too.

CarrieMpls said:

No they dont and I think you're fortunate if you do. I dont know if it's luck or fate, who knows, but all I can say is dont stop trying, I mean stay open to the possibility because at least then there's a chance.

..
[Edited 3/18/08 11:58am]

CarrieMpls said:

ok, I agree with this.
And I also think alot of people in relationships haven't actually "found" somebody so much as settled for safety, security, or just didn't want to be lonely.

So yeah--I agree with this.


I guess for me I NEVER go out looking for companionship--sex, sure. But companionship just always kind of happened I guess. Which is why I place so much value on friendships.
I think we live in a strange modern "Internet" era where we supplement our lives with friends in various ways (overseas, online, etc. etc.) to fill the void that our parents could only do through unhappy marriages. We aren't settling--and it makes the trip a bit scary.