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PrintableINSATIABLE said: As long as he understands that his child(ren)'s needs come first at all times. I can't bear to see a child feeling like they'd been pushed aside as their father is running around trying to fulfill his own needs first, especially when the child has already experienced their parents splitting. It's abuse, in my opinion, however unintentional.
And having somewhat been in that child's shoes when I was young, I'd be unwavering in my effort to make sure the child is happy, stable and loved at all times. Each stepparent/stepchild relationship is different, and one has to be sensitive to the child's emotional boundaries, needs, and everything else that comes with it. Families aren't collages to be ripped apart and pasted without discretion. It's a painstaking process that requires compassion and selflessness at all times.  Marry me lol  ... | |
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INSATIABLE said: As long as he understands that his child(ren)'s needs come first at all times. I can't bear to see a child feeling like they'd been pushed aside as their father is running around trying to fulfill his own needs first, especially when the child has already experienced their parents splitting. It's abuse, in my opinion, however unintentional.
And having somewhat been in that child's shoes when I was young, I'd be unwavering in my effort to make sure the child is happy, stable and loved at all times. Each stepparent/stepchild relationship is different, and one has to be sensitive to the child's emotional boundaries, needs, and everything else that comes with it. Families aren't collages to be ripped apart and pasted without discretion. It's a painstaking process that requires compassion and selflessness at all times.  AMEN | |
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Byron said: INSATIABLE said: As long as he understands that his child(ren)'s needs come first at all times. I can't bear to see a child feeling like they'd been pushed aside as their father is running around trying to fulfill his own needs first, especially when the child has already experienced their parents splitting. It's abuse, in my opinion, however unintentional.
And having somewhat been in that child's shoes when I was young, I'd be unwavering in my effort to make sure the child is happy, stable and loved at all times. Each stepparent/stepchild relationship is different, and one has to be sensitive to the child's emotional boundaries, needs, and everything else that comes with it. Families aren't collages to be ripped apart and pasted without discretion. It's a painstaking process that requires compassion and selflessness at all times. Marry me lol ... Golly.  Oh shit, my hat done fell off | |
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yes i would see somebody with kids and i have done it..ex dude has 2 sons ...and they were sweet kids and yes i cared about and loved his children as if they were my own.. they liked me as well ..i like kids anyway.. | |
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Mach said: Ocean said: Ur a stepmum? Yes I am   | |
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Byron said: Ocean said: Do u think though that u can be a good mother/father to ur own but maybe not so good to someone elses? Well, if I became involved with someone who had kids I would proberly see them as my kids by the time we married...So, yeah, I think I would be able to be as good a parent to both. Well I meant what if the woman was capable of being a good parent to her own but struggled with issues of ur kids | |
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INSATIABLE said: As long as he understands that his child(ren)'s needs come first at all times. I can't bear to see a child feeling like they'd been pushed aside as their father is running around trying to fulfill his own needs first, especially when the child has already experienced their parents splitting. It's abuse, in my opinion, however unintentional.
And having somewhat been in that child's shoes when I was young, I'd be unwavering in my effort to make sure the child is happy, stable and loved at all times. Each stepparent/stepchild relationship is different, and one has to be sensitive to the child's emotional boundaries, needs, and everything else that comes with it. Families aren't collages to be ripped apart and pasted without discretion. It's a painstaking process that requires compassion and selflessness at all times. I agree.....children should always be the first concern in any parents eyes.... | |
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OMG, this thread started the other one  | |
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Imago said: OMG, this thread started the other one
Our beautiful if somewhat painful life together started here  | |
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geez I don't think I could 
I can barely cope with me real ones  | |
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Ocean said: Byron said: Well, if I became involved with someone who had kids I would proberly see them as my kids by the time we married...So, yeah, I think I would be able to be as good a parent to both. Well I meant what if the woman was capable of being a good parent to her own but struggled with issues of ur kids I guess it depends on what those issues are...certain issues are to be expected and can be worked through. But yeah, if I thought my partner was a really good parent to her own kids, but was being a really bad parent to mine, I'd have to wonder why that was. | |
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ZombieKitten said: geez I don't think I could
I can barely cope with me real ones Thank god! ..I'm not the only one | |
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Byron said: Ocean said: Well I meant what if the woman was capable of being a good parent to her own but struggled with issues of ur kids I guess it depends on what those issues are...certain issues are to be expected and can be worked through. But yeah, if I thought my partner was a really good parent to her own kids, but was being a really bad parent to mine, I'd have to wonder why that was. I don't think I would be bad....I just would never love them the same or want to be their parent ...then I would feel guilty for that .... I think it would be really tough! | |
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Ocean said: Byron said: I guess it depends on what those issues are...certain issues are to be expected and can be worked through. But yeah, if I thought my partner was a really good parent to her own kids, but was being a really bad parent to mine, I'd have to wonder why that was. I don't think I would be bad....I just would never love them the same or want to be their parent ...then I would feel guilty for that .... I think it would be really tough! You're probably not giving yourself enough credit. Love's a little more mysterious and constant than that. And comparing the kind of love you feel for them to the love you have for your biological children is like comparing apples to oranges. It's unnecessary. For example, I don't love my step parents any less than my blood parents. Shoot, my love for each person in my life is as unique as they are.
We're all capable of much more than we think.  Oh shit, my hat done fell off | |
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INSATIABLE said: Ocean said: I don't think I would be bad....I just would never love them the same or want to be their parent ...then I would feel guilty for that .... I think it would be really tough! You're probably not giving yourself enough credit. Love's a little more mysterious and constant than that. And comparing the kind of love you feel for them to the love you have for your biological children is like comparing apples to oranges. It's unnecessary. For example, I don't love my step parents any less than my blood parents. Shoot, my love for each person in my life is as unique as they are.
We're all capable of much more than we think. U could be right ...I guess u never know until ur in that situation  | |
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Ocean said: Byron said: I guess it depends on what those issues are...certain issues are to be expected and can be worked through. But yeah, if I thought my partner was a really good parent to her own kids, but was being a really bad parent to mine, I'd have to wonder why that was. I don't think I would be bad....I just would never love them the same or want to be their parent ...then I would feel guilty for that .... I think it would be really tough! There's a lot of factors involved ...For me, I would probably determine what type of "parent" role I would take depending upon the specific circumstances of my relationship. For example, if the father is still in their lives and is being loving and supportive of both his kids and his ex-wife, then I don't think there will be a need for her kid(s) to see me as their father...I'd be something "else" in their eyes, still part of the family but not quite the father. And I wouldn't insist that they see me as one. That dynamic would work itself out own it's own, providing my relationship with their mother is on solid ground.
If, on the otherhand, their father was absent or deceased, they may want/need a more permanent father-figure, and I would assume that role for them and love them completely. I love kids anyway lol... How would it effect my relationship with Tanys? Very little, if at all. I would consider her feelings the entire way as well. And if Tanys is about to head off to college when it happens, she'll be able to deal with it even better lol... Besides, a merging of families and lives would never be an overnight type of thing...it would be a gradual phase-in on everyone's part. | |
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Byron said: Ocean said: I don't think I would be bad....I just would never love them the same or want to be their parent ...then I would feel guilty for that .... I think it would be really tough! There's a lot of factors involved ...For me, I would probably determine what type of "parent" role I would take depending upon the specific circumstances of my relationship. For example, if the father is still in their lives and is being loving and supportive of both his kids and his ex-wife, then I don't think there will be a need for her kid(s) to see me as their father...I'd be something "else" in their eyes, still part of the family but not quite the father. And I wouldn't insist that they see me as one. That dynamic would work itself out own it's own, providing my relationship with their mother is on solid ground.
If, on the otherhand, their father was absent or deceased, they may want/need a more permanent father-figure, and I would assume that role for them and love them completely. I love kids anyway lol... How would it effect my relationship with Tanys? Very little, if at all. I would consider her feelings the entire way as well. And if Tanys is about to head off to college when it happens, she'll be able to deal with it even better lol... Besides, a merging of families and lives would never be an overnight type of thing...it would be a gradual phase-in on everyone's part.  | |
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Ocean said: But ur always capable of thinking, acting and feeling the right way .....ur not human I tell ya
Yeah, I've been dealing with that feeling for decades now lol  ... | |
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Byron said: Ocean said: But ur always capable of thinking, acting and feeling the right way .....ur not human I tell ya
Yeah, I've been dealing with that feeling for decades now lol ...  | |
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Byron said: Ocean said: Do u think though that u can be a good mother/father to ur own but maybe not so good to someone elses? Well, if I became involved with someone who had kids I would proberly see them as my kids by the time we married...So, yeah, I think I would be able to be as good a parent to both. Agreed. And if the persons you're involved with child/children are mostly grown then, it's virtually not much of an issue. | |
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MsLegs said: Byron said: Well, if I became involved with someone who had kids I would proberly see them as my kids by the time we married...So, yeah, I think I would be able to be as good a parent to both. Agreed. And if the persons you're involved with child/children are mostly grown then, it's virtually not much of an issue. I think up to 15 would be the hardest! | |
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Ocean said: Mach said: Yes I am our oldest 2
Rhianna 29 Seth 28 they are mine
Their bio mom left them and I become their Mom They call me Mom and her susan She was involed in their lives very little She missed out on 2 incredible children and one wonderful husband | |
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Mach said: Ocean said: To how many hun? ...I thought they were all urs
our oldest 2
Rhianna 29 Seth 28 they are mine
Their bio mom left them and I become their Mom They call me Mom and her susan She was involed in their lives very little She missed out on 2 incredible children and one wonderful husband Have u posted their pics before love? .....I have seen the younger two | |
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Ocean said: Mach said: our oldest 2
Rhianna 29 Seth 28 they are mine
Their bio mom left them and I become their Mom They call me Mom and her susan She was involed in their lives very little She missed out on 2 incredible children and one wonderful husband Have u posted their pics before love? .....I have seen the younger two several different times
Rhianna, Seth, Joshua( JT ) and Jess
Rhianna and Seth have our 4 grand children I sometimes mention Rhianna has Keegan, Ailise and Brady Seth has Kaidyn | |
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Mach said: Ocean said: Have u posted their pics before love? .....I have seen the younger two several different times
Rhianna, Seth, Joshua( JT ) and Jess
Rhianna and Seth have our 4 grand children I sometimes mention Rhianna has Keegan, Ailise and Brady Seth has Kaidyn I must have seen the pics then and not realised ...beautiful looking kids....ur two girls look very much alike  | |
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Ocean said: seeing someone with kids....do u think u could take on the roll of step mother/step father....
The ex.....the kids (possibly hating u) ....would u be capable of loving them as u would ur own (if u have ur own) I'm not sure I could do it..... Yes to all. | |
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ArielB said: Ocean said: seeing someone with kids....do u think u could take on the roll of step mother/step father....
The ex.....the kids (possibly hating u) ....would u be capable of loving them as u would ur own (if u have ur own) I'm not sure I could do it..... Yes to all. Have u been in that situation before? | |
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Ocean said: I must have seen the pics then and not realised ...beautiful looking kids....ur two girls look very much alike TY 
I feel deeply honoured to be Mom to them all There is a large investment in parenting any child and blending a family together is very hard work and not always easy
I would not change a second | |
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Mach said: Ocean said: I must have seen the pics then and not realised ...beautiful looking kids....ur two girls look very much alike TY
I feel deeply honoured to be Mom to them all There is a large investment in parenting any child and blending a family together is very hard work and not always easy
I would not change a second It's nice to see it can succeed | |
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Ocean said: ArielB said: Yes to all. Have u been in that situation before? No. But I feel that I'm ready. If I truly love the person, then I love them for who they are, and part of what makes them who they are, is their children, who are their life. So yes, this is a 'package deal', and if I got into a relationship like that, then I do it knowingly from the beginning, that I'm not only dating one person, but getting into a relationship with her children too. | |
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