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Fess up you liars! Ok... time to confess 
Tell your stories of the best/funniest lies you told to people you love/hate or love to hate.... I'll start, One time my older sister (after losing a bunch of weight, and looking fab in a size 6) bought a chocolate wrap around dress. She came to my house to get dressed, I pressed and curled her lustrous locks to silky perfection. She puts on the dress, after I was done with her hair, spun around and asked if she looked good.. noticing several dimples on her butt through the fabric, that were big enough to fit ping-pong balls in, I asked if she was wearing underwear, she said "yeah a thong"... I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth... But not wanting to make her ego deflate, I said "You look great" and she jiggled her way out the door. | |
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 @ jigglin'her way out lol [Edited 3/13/08 20:36pm] | |
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Flowerz said: @ jigglin'her way out lol
[Edited 3/13/08 20:36pm]  But she really did. She shimmied with every step, just didn't have the heart to tell her.  | |
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paintedlady said:[quote]
noticing several dimples on her butt through the fabric, that were big enough to fit ping-pong balls in, I asked if she was wearing underwear, she said "yeah a thong"... I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth... [quote]    [Edited 3/13/08 21:02pm] Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. | |
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paintedlady said: Ok... time to confess
Tell your stories of the best/funniest lies you told to people you love/hate or love to hate.... I'll start, One time my older sister (after losing a bunch of weight, and looking fab in a size 6) bought a chocolate wrap around dress. She came to my house to get dressed, I pressed and curled her lustrous locks to silky perfection. She puts on the dress, after I was done with her hair, spun around and asked if she looked good.. noticing several dimples on her butt through the fabric, that were big enough to fit ping-pong balls in, I asked if she was wearing underwear, she said "yeah a thong"... I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth... But not wanting to make her ego deflate, I said "You look great" and she jiggled her way out the door. | |
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 so.... none of you ladies and gents have stories to share? Am I the only filthy liar up in this joint? 
C'mon people..... I know you faked orgasms... Told someone you liked their new hairstyle when you didn't... Told a friend that you thought her new boyfriend was cute, and lied about it... Told your boss that you enjoyed their company, when you would rather be at the dentist getting a tooth pulled without Novocaine... bring it people.... change names if you must, time to clear your conscience  [Edited 3/13/08 21:18pm] | |
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Well, I have another lie I want to confess to....
I was in my local market a little while ago, I was shopping like I normally do, I was at the butcher's case when this homeless looking dude with the crustiest lips and poxed skin walked up on me... I thought his lips would bleed as he moved them to speak.... he said "Hey Ma... how ya doing?" I thought...*damn I forgot my pepper spray at the house*but responded "I'm Ok" ( hoping he didn't notice my eyes bulging at the sight of his skin)
So he then says.. "You single?" I reacted in defense by stating.. "Nope!..and I have seven kids." He said "aight, Ma...take care" I nodded, and he walked away...  
I am single with 3 kids, ya think that would be enough motivation to keep any man away had to REALLY scare this one off. | |
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OH.
MY. GOD.   surviving on the thought of loving you, it's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years... | |
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paintedlady said: I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth...
But not wanting to make her ego deflate, I said "You look great" and she jiggled her way out the door. and true love lives on lollipops and crisps | |
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IstenSzek said: paintedlady said: I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth...
But not wanting to make her ego deflate, I said "You look great" and she jiggled her way out the door. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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I've already told this one but
this one time I got accientaly shot in an open eye with semen. 
The morning after it was all swollen and red (the eye, not the semen). And I had to go to work. When they asked me I blamed it on a spider.  [Edited 3/14/08 8:40am] I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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rushing07 said: I've already told this one but
this one time I got accientaly shot in an open eye with semen.
The morning after it was all swollen and red (the eye, not the semen). And I had to go to work. When they asked me I blamed it on a spider.
[Edited 3/14/08 8:40am] Your eye got all messed up like that just from jizz? | |
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JustErin said: rushing07 said: I've already told this one but
this one time I got accientaly shot in an open eye with semen.
The morning after it was all swollen and red (the eye, not the semen). And I had to go to work. When they asked me I blamed it on a spider.
[Edited 3/14/08 8:40am] Your eye got all messed up like that just from jizz? I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. [Edited 3/14/08 9:20am] I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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rushing07 said: JustErin said: Your eye got all messed up like that just from jizz? I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. [Edited 3/14/08 9:20am] WIMP! | |
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rushing07 said: JustErin said: Your eye got all messed up like that just from jizz? I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. Why did the spider smell like that? | |
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JustErin said: rushing07 said: I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. [Edited 3/14/08 9:20am] WIMP! Like you're bullet proof  I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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rushing07 said: JustErin said: WIMP! Like you're bullet proof Pretty much. You should see the kinda things that have been done to me. I'm no wimp! | |
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JustErin said: rushing07 said: Like you're bullet proof Pretty much. You should see the kinda things that have been done to me. I'm no wimp! Wish my new buddy could be a bit more like you. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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rushing07 said: JustErin said: Pretty much. You should see the kinda things that have been done to me. I'm no wimp! Wish my new buddy could be a bit more like you. 
At least you've got one. I've been going without for a little while now. Damn, I need to get on that. | |
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JustErin said: rushing07 said: Wish my new buddy could be a bit more like you.
At least you've got one. I've been going without for a little while now. Damn, I need to get on that. Whore. It. Up! It's spring time after all. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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rushing07 said: JustErin said:
At least you've got one. I've been going without for a little while now. Damn, I need to get on that. Whore. It. Up! It's spring time after all. Ya, I know but I'm not one to go looking for new playmates. We'll see what the spring brings. Ever since I started a new job and moved across the city I haven't hooked up with my usual. I think he's boning someone else on the reg anyway...so I think it's pretty much finally done. Oh well... | |
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paintedlady said: Ok... time to confess
Tell your stories of the best/funniest lies you told to people you love/hate or love to hate.... I'll start, One time my older sister (after losing a bunch of weight, and looking fab in a size 6) bought a chocolate wrap around dress. She came to my house to get dressed, I pressed and curled her lustrous locks to silky perfection. She puts on the dress, after I was done with her hair, spun around and asked if she looked good.. noticing several dimples on her butt through the fabric, that were big enough to fit ping-pong balls in, I asked if she was wearing underwear, she said "yeah a thong"... I should have told her that she should be wearing industrial strength teflon coated, NASA approved girdle to steamroll those knots of cheese smooth... But not wanting to make her ego deflate, I said "You look great" and she jiggled her way out the door. aaaaahhhhh!!! hahahahahha!! | |
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paintedlady said:[quote] so.... none of you ladies and gents have stories to share? Am I the only filthy liar up in this joint?
C'mon people..... I know you faked orgasms... Guilty!!!! I have never met a man that could please me. I think it's because I'm in love with Prince.  | |
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Cinnie said: rushing07 said: I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. Why did the spider smell like that? COWORKERS MUST KNOW  | |
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fucker  | |
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JustErin said:
At least you've got one. I've been going without for a little while now. Damn, I need to get on that. http://www.funnyordie.com...a8a0251e2b | |
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paintedlady said: Well, I have another lie I want to confess to....
I was in my local market a little while ago, I was shopping like I normally do, I was at the butcher's case when this homeless looking dude with the crustiest lips and poxed skin walked up on me... I thought his lips would bleed as he moved them to speak.... he said "Hey Ma... how ya doing?" I thought...*damn I forgot my pepper spray at the house*but responded "I'm Ok" ( hoping he didn't notice my eyes bulging at the sight of his skin)
So he then says.. "You single?" I reacted in defense by stating.. "Nope!..and I have seven kids." He said "aight, Ma...take care" I nodded, and he walked away...
I am single with 3 kids, ya think that would be enough motivation to keep any man away had to REALLY scare this one off.You're freakin hilarious!!! I kind of have a story similar to yours. I was training for a job and got lost on my way home. I went to the gas station to get directions. This raggedy looking dude was trying to tell where to go, start following me to my car. I was thinking what does this N**** want? Then he said," Ay, you got two dollars?" All I had today was two beers." I said, "No" and got in my car. I had the money but I'm thinking if you spent your last dollars on two beers, then yo ass deserve to be hungry.
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One time when I was with my ex, I had a dream that I walked in on him and my best friend fucking and it shocked me so hard that I burst awake and like a reflex response, I slammed my fist down onto his chest. At that point I realized that it was a dream and he is like what the fuck, hey, goddamn! and I immediately closed my eyes and started thrashing around. He shook me and I'm like Oooh, oh, AAAh!!!! and as I woke up I asked Where am I?!
Babe, you're sleeping. You were having a dream. *panting* oh man, what a scary dream! He believes it to this day Oh, and eventually my friend confessed to me that he fucked my boyfriend, so really I was knowing the truth in my dreams He deserved that punch! 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: Oh, and eventually my friend confessed to me that he fucked my boyfriend, so really I was knowing the truth in my dreams
He deserved that punch! daaaaamn so it was a vision! | |
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Cinnie said: rushing07 said: I don't think it was because of the jizz itself but the pressue with wich it was shot... I was so long ago, but I still giggle over it. Why did the spider smell like that? hwat the hell???
there was no spider. a snake maybe. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt. | |
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