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PrintablePurpleJedi said:[quote] nammie said: I'm a stay at home mom to a 3 yr old, I also have a small business that I do from home to sustain myself (my husband had an affair and I kicked his ass out without regard to how it would effect my income). Turns out he did not bring anything to the table anyway.. In addition to that I have 2, 10 yr olds and a mother who has Alzheimer's who I take care of on my own, with no help from anyone. My day runs from 5:30am -1am every damn day of the week with no breaks for myself. Doing everything from the job-work-the-kids-my mom-cooking-cleaning-etc.... Having said that just being a stay at home mom is a full time job.. 'Nuff respect to those who do it each an every day, you all are not given the appreciation AND respect that you deserve
God bless you! Thanks PJ it is my HONOR to walk my mother through the sunset years of her life, she took care of my dad when he had colon caner even though they were divorced, not to mention what she did for me. I think he would want me to do the same for her, after all that is how they raised me... "Once a man twice a baby sort of thing"... screwed up format edit  [Edited 3/15/08 19:59pm] | |
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Stymie said: PurpleJedi said: After 3 kids and 9 years out of the workforce, my wife recently went back to the workplace.
I agree that they are very different types of stress and but I disagree that you can't compare the two. I just kinda know which one I really have.Now that she isn't at home all the time, I am beginning to TRULY appreciate the invaluable contributions to the home that her prescence made. Also she isn't able to be there for the kids' school functions, which is a real shame. As for the "stress" factor...there are different types of stress that you deal with in the home and at work. You can't compare the two, and you can't say that one outweighs the other.But as many people have already said; YES it is a full time job. Why can't people simply do what they enjoy? To me "bad stress" is doing what we don't enjoy. "Good stress" is being stoked about getting up out of bed in the morning to engage in the day. And how does the saying go, "the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry"? So sometimes the what-ifs don't amount to much. It's better to just follow your dream because life is so uncertain anyway. I think a happy parent is usually a good parent, and if makes a parent happier to stay at home, then I'm all for it. Interestingly enough, there are some women in my neighborhood who are in a financial position of not working whether they have kids or not. I'm NOT one of them just to be clear,  However, for those with unlimited financial freedom, nobody gives them a hard time for devoting themselves to their little committees, clubs, and events--some more self-serving than others. And some of people still have maids and nannies even though they have more than enough time to clean their own house and take care of their own kids. It's a completely different mentality. These people aren't considered lazy or stupid (some have attended some very pretigious universities), but a sah mom or dad gets grief for taking care of the house and their kids due to economics?
It's a mystery to me.  [Edited 3/16/08 9:47am] | |
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Isel said: It's a completely different mentality. These people aren't considered lazy or stupid (some have attended some very pretigious universities), but
And you're basing this conclusion on what? And who said anyone was lazy or stupid? | |
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Dance said: Isel said: It's a completely different mentality. These people aren't considered lazy or stupid (some have attended some very pretigious universities), but
And you're basing this conclusion on what? And who said anyone was lazy or stupid? I already explained myself further back in the thread. I said it was more of an "implication": What bugs me about saying that being a SAH mom is less stressful or less difficult.. sounds sort of like "dismissing" those who choose to do so, implying they are somehow lazy and stupid or something? Maybe people ENJOY it? Frankly, for ME it would be the most STRESSFUL thing I could do because I ENJOY working. Sure, working can be stressful, but.. then again I enjoy that kind of stress.
HOWEVER, here is a post from what back in the thread in which SOMEBODY ELSE mentioned some believing a sah dad was lazy: Stay-at-home-mom is another term for LAZY.
Haha, just kidding. But seriously, I have a friend that is a stay-at-home-Dad and his wife has a job. Yet everyone looks at him as being lazy. A little sexist, I think. So it was mentioned in this thread. And as far as "stupid," some suggest that it's not the smartest thing to do to be a sah parent. Shall I go back and find those quotes for you, too? So... I'm not just coming up with this stuff on my own! [Edited 3/16/08 14:41pm] | |
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Can we round up the asshole people who think being a GOOD stay-at-home parent isn't a full time job? Then we could line them up and throw eggs at them. Stone eggs.
Sure there are plenty of sah parents who in this age sit all day in front of the computer instead of doing shit around the house or activate their kid, but there are also others who give their kids ulcers from over-activating them. I used to work for one such family, it was heartbreaking to see the kid so stressed out.... at 18 months. Both is equally bad but doing a GOOD job of it is highly repsectable to me. [Snipped - June7] | |
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Has anyone talked about the wealthy stay at home moms who leave their kids with the nanny? | |
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Janfriend said: Has anyone talked about the wealthy stay at home moms who leave their kids with the nanny?
why bother having kids?  That is so sad to me. Kids are fashion accessories then, like you have to have them, cause it's the done thing. | |
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ZombieKitten said: Janfriend said: Has anyone talked about the wealthy stay at home moms who leave their kids with the nanny?
why bother having kids? That is so sad to me. Kids are fashion accessories then, like you have to have them, cause it's the done thing.I mentioned it a few posts up.. Frankly.. I think people have good-intentions.. But as far as SOME of these rich people.. I just think it's sort of a "clique" thing... Like that's what SOME people do.. hire nannies and maids.. and when their kids reach a certain age, send em off to boarding school. It's sort of like this is the way things are done, ya know?? And it's weird.. because SOME rich wives simply don't have to work, and look down on those of us who HAVE TO or WANT to.. Of course.. I always qualify by saying "some" because not everybody is like that. But...there are those who think "working" is beneath them in a certain respect.. Now volunteering is fine.. And A LOT --MOST DO some great charitable work.. But to be in a position of HAVING to work well that's a different story, ya know?? | |
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I think moms should be working. One income from the male breadwinner is simply not enough these days, and even if it is, moms should be self-sufficient and make their own income too, and at the same time, be a good role model to their daughters so they can enter the job market too and want to do things with their life. It's no wonder some women go on welfare if their spouse leaves them or passes, cause they're left with nothing. And from what I hear, it's not easy getting back into the labour force if you're out of it for more than 2 years. I agree with maternity leave though, but I don't think it should be for more than a year. | |
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Janfriend said: Has anyone talked about the wealthy stay at home moms who leave their kids with the nanny? This is something I never understood. | |
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actually, staying at home is more or less glorified slavery.
...uh, i know this is gonna sound nasty but to answer the question. Is a pig's pussy pork????? ANY stay at home mom best have an itenerate plan that doesn't include children. ..... I'm just sayin THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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alphastreet said: I think moms should be working. One income from the male breadwinner is simply not enough these days, and even if it is, moms should be self-sufficient and make their own income too, and at the same time, be a good role model to their daughters so they can enter the job market too and want to do things with their life. It's no wonder some women go on welfare if their spouse leaves them or passes, cause they're left with nothing. And from what I hear, it's not easy getting back into the labour force if you're out of it for more than 2 years. I agree with maternity leave though, but I don't think it should be for more than a year.
I think to stay home until they are in school is fine, but back to outside the home work after that. I've been fortunate to freelance from home and temp as well as running my own business from home during the last 7 years, keeping up skills and doing classes to get new ones. | |
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yeah but some mums are lazy-here in nz you can just have one kid and be a full time mum(even tho they are at school for 7 hours a day) on full benefit and have all your housing paid and get a big whack of child support till the kids 16
thats taking the piss and i speak out of experience | |
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Imago said: gemini13 said: How about I up the ante here a bit and take the heat off of Dan.
What if I said that I don't have much respect for SAH mothers? Been there, done that, and I have to say, it was unfulfilling and somewhat boring. Let me clarify a bit though. If you have more than one child, I can see staying home until they are school age. But that's it. We no longer live in a Leave It To Beaver world. Women who stay home with no back up financial plan are just plain living in a dream, and hopefully they won't wake up and find it was really a nightmare. OMG, this thread again 
Thanks Karla, but I really don't mind the heat. Nothing that has been posted or said actually sways me one iota.
I mean, my sister is a great mom, and my nephews are well adjusted. They've had hockey lessons, tai kwan do, (even Tai chi lessons), piano, acting, guitar. They've been to Paris, London, Las Vegas, California, New York, etc. etc. They get tutored, they're in book clubs, etc. etc. I mean these kids are very well taken cared of and a slight bit spoiled. She really takes care of them. But her job is still not that difficult compared to working folks I know to include myself. It just isn't, and I don't care what anybody says. It. isn't. And one of the kids turns 10 next year and the other 9. What happens when they're teens and she still hasn't gone back into the workforce? What if, god forbid, my brother-in-law leaves her, or dies. Even with child support or insurance money, she's left with two kids to care for and no job skills to enter the job force? Yeah, she'll be living with me for years to play catch up (which I willingly offer, but still. ). As I mentioned before the REAL TOUGH job is being a single mom who has to work AND take care of the kids--and that's what she'd end up being... overnight if any of the above scenarios played out...and they always could.
And thank GOD it isn't the "Leave it to Beaver" world you spoke of. Hell, it's still unfair to women, especially with regards to upper management and pay. But I can't imagine the old world where men controlled EVERYTHING again. It would be a neo-con utopia complete with barefoot and pregnant, unskilled mums.
ok, Imma get slammed so I'm REALLY bowing out.... hit me. I've lost a little bit of respect for ya. You've really just smacked in the face all the very hard working, dedicated stay at home mothers including my mother and even myself. If a woman CHOOSES to stay home with her children, this is her right. If her family structure can handle her NEVER working, then she will be fine with not working after the children are gone. To me, it seems you have no respect for your sister and what she has chosen to do for herself and her family. Any woman should make the best choice for herself and her family. | |
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I have 4 boys( as most already know) so I was a stay at home mom for 12 years. And yes it was a 24 hour job, one that I loved. I did this because if I had gone to work I would have been paying for day care and not making any money at all, So thankfully my husband was able to have a job that took care of all of us. I also wanted to be the one raising my children during the most critical years of their development. I am so happy I did because so far they are happy, well adjusted and respectful kids. I mean they have their days but for the most part they are a great joy. But that is MY situation. I now work full time my eldest helps with the younger boys and they all work around the house to help their dad and I out. I have my days where I miss being at home, but I also love the job that I have. I personally feel that I was lucky to stay at home. I also respect any parent who chose to stay at home or work. People need to stop being so concerned about what others are doing and just concentrate what is going on in their own damn home. | |
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Again, I don't want this to come across as a dump on women discussion, but the possibility of a woman becoming a SAH mom is something that hurts women in the workforce. As wrong as it may be or sound to many, employers twist up their face at women because there's that concern. When people talk about the difference in pay and options when it comes to women you have to consider that.
Many of them just believe there's a damn good chance that their female employee will at some point just basically take off while the men will remain with the company regardless of what happens with their family. | |
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