I don't, thank goodness

Hope 2 hell they turn 18 tomorrow.
[Edited 3/6/08 7:10am]

I've found out that when your kids get into their mid-teens, they become the biggest assholes on earth. My oldest son is 15, and I don't feel like I know him anymore. In the last 6 months, he is doing everything he can to rebel against me.

I've tried everything...grounding, taking things way, offering incentives for good behavior/grades. Nothing changes.

This I know: He's not going to be in my house and disrespect me. He may think he's grown and can do what he wants, but he's going to have me or my husband (and he doesn't want that), in his face at all times!

For instance, he has so far, failed algebra. I get calls from teachers about him skipping, acting foolish in class, etc. So yesterday, I surprised him in his algebra class and sat with him the entire hour. He thought he was going to be smart and push my hand away when I tried to help him on a problem, and he got a backhand to the ear in front of his friend. Needless to say, he was horrified. Oh well. I warned him to straighten up.

Kids are like trees. When they are young, you can correct their problems so they will go straight. But when they are mature, whatever crookedness there is, is there to stay.

It may be hard and stressful, but as parents it's our jobs to "train up our children in the way they should go."

dustysgirl said:

That's they way to do it!

dustysgirl said:

You have to or they will walk all over you and feel you are obligated to them. Me being a single parent now. I've had to be tougher than I have usually am.

OK, here is another thing. I mentioned how he is starting to raise his hands as if he's going to hit you. Well he is discovering that he is stronger than his mom and strong getting stronger than me. He's already 6 foot. Anyway, he is so out of control that he can play these games all day and all night. He does. How do you get him to do something like make the bed on your timetable and not his when you can't really phsyically force him into the room to do it? Seriously, he nags and nags and goes on and on til someone snaps and or breaks.

My sister and my mom don't have the patience, and it's not that they are impatient people it's just that he is THAT GOOD at wearing a person down. Emotionally and energywise they can't compete with him. I on the otherhand can refuse him all day every day. He does not wear me down. But then I'm not always there to deal with him either. Trying to reason with him only gets you anywhere if you agree to do things his way. Seriously, I can't blame anyone for snapping on him. I honestly don't even know how to deal with this. It's awful.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Somebody has to put him in his place. If he's big enough to raise his hand at his mother he's big enough for her to hit him upside his head. There is no way. She has to let him know she's not going to take anything off of him. Is there someone who can keep him for awhile like another uncle or grown cousin? Somewhere away from the environment he's in? that may help. or something to keep him busy.

I came from the era of "you act up you get jacked up" simple as that...

Boystown ... send his ass to Boystown in Omaha, Ne

Great advice from chocolate1, teacher and dustygirl. My 2 sons are adults now so I've been there. Thank goodness they were just ordinary butt-heads at that age, no crazy stuff like drugs or crime.

I started training mine when they were tiny and they've always had a pretty stable home, even with that they started acting out once they started smelling themselves... Every kid is different. My oldest misbehaved a lot when he was younger and was disciplined frequently. The older he got, the more you could sit him down and reason with him. Today he's my best friend and a fine young man.

My other son is 8 years younger and the total opposite of his brother. Always quiet, sensitive and secretive, He's more passive/agressive and didn't overtly act out the same way his brother did but reason and logic isn't even in his vocabulary. The only way I could deal with him and keep my sanity was to let him fall on his face a few times. He's a fine young man too but still pretty clueless.

Thank God neither one of them ever raised a hand to me...that would've ended badly.

It's extremely difficult to do whey they're older like your nephew, especially given the other issues surrounding the situation.

I'd only add that in addition to being a jerk like most 14 year olds, I think he's acting out because he is angry. It's pretty common especially with boys. Counseling is a great idea. Also, do you know of any reliable person who already has his respect and trust who would be willing to help?

In any case, choose your battles, and be firm, consistent and unified. Let him know that acting out is not an acceptable way to get attention or to channel his anger.

Finally, talk, talk, talk, and keep talking. The one thing that made headway with both of mine was forcing them to sit and listen to one of my sermons. Sometimes they'd do anything I asked so they wouldn't have to go through that.

IAintTheOne said:

Me too...act up and you'll be picking your teeth up!

greenpixies said:

That helped me. I never understood why I was getting the load on taking care of my little bro and sis just because I was older..even tho I had a brother one year younger than me, I was always picked to do everything.

My mother and me had a really long conversation after I belted out in front of every1, it sounds liek he has stresses that are in his life, and he thinks he is alone. You guys have to speak to him because he is doing htis on purpose and for a reason.

You dont have to OBEY him, he is a child still definitley, but he is coming in2 Adolecence big time and he needs ground and structure....and space too.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I dunno, I think mine never tried that because, 1. They knew I wasn't afraid of them no matter how big or strong, and 2. They were never entirely certain I wouldn't snap if they did

My Mom and Grandmother were the same way. I'd cut up until they flipped out on me a couple of times. I thought that they might possibly go crazy on my ass and it scared me. That might not be an option in your situation since you're already past that point. It might escalate and become dangerous. When kids have seen violence in the home, the threat of it doesn't scare them the same way it scares kids who haven't seen it.

He sounds like he's emulating his father's behavior. Does he realize that? Could it be that he's carrying a lot of baggage inside and he needs help finding a constructive way to let it out? Since you're the one with the most stamina maybe you can get through to him? I've pulled a few all-nighters with my boys when they needed it, even to the point of missing work on one occasion.

I'll be praying that it's not too late to work it out. God forbid he starts hitting people and has to be removed for the safety of the rest of the family.

babynoz said:

Damn straight. My mom didn't let us be stubborn or hard headed. When she told us to do or not to do something, we listened with no, "But Mom!" arguments. We knew that if we did, we would only get into even more trouble.

Got home last night at 11:00 , no arguments, he was doing his homework and his bed was made

im definately not super mom, and i sure dont have all the answers... but lately my 'darling, sweet' 13 year old son has determined that i am crazy and he is right about everything

this was heartbreaking for me because my son and i are so very close. being a single mom, my whole life is my kids.... i should have been dating or something along the way i think - cuz now its gonna hurt like hell when they leave me

that being said, i am HUGE on respect in my house and from my kids!!!! i positively lose my damn mind when my kids get smart with me or wont listen to me or god forbid talk to me out of the way. i figure it like this, i give myself COMPLETELY to them, and they better damn well respect that!!

oh well, these are MY issues that i need my own counsling for

8 days ago i had a HUGE arguement with my son, i felt horrible and i was very sad... he continued around the house with a chip on his shoulder and an attitude from hell. in the heat of the moment, mom suggested i take his 360 controllers... that REALLY pissed him off. but, he lost them for a week and i think he learned something

the day after the arguement i went to borders looking for the section "how not to choke your kid" (they dont have one, and i think they need one btw). started reading this book that says that while 95% of the childs brain is formed by age 5... the rest of the brain is formed starting at about 12. it causes the child to be genuinely confused and out of sorts during that time. not sure if its true or not, but if it is... it helps to know WHY they are doing such STUPID shit doesnt it???

nakedpianoplayer said:

hide your parenting books from your kids if they're evil like i was and will read them specifically to upturn the suggestions they make

evenstar said:

thats just so wrong

nakedpianoplayer said:

Teenagers go through the rebellious stage.