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PrintableSlave2daGroove said: DexMSR said: Don't submit to your jealousy or insecurity because you will soon find yourself doing things that you probably would not do and it will end up sabotaging your relationship. Let his ACTIONS be your barometer...not what you THINK may happen.  and communicate with him...if he's not talking about some girl but she's talking to you, tell him and ask him to be completely honest with you because that's what he would want from you...the shoe on the other foot scenario Please listen to these men.... Dex and Slave are talking some truth here. From the heart through experience.  | |
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C0RAZ0N said: Thank you everyone, it's the input I needed.
I know deep in my heart that a major problem is my inability to trust, period. And insecurities do play a large part in how I am viewing his past. He's a good guy that made mistakes in the past with cheating on his girlfriends but as far as I know of him, he's changed. I guess he proved himself during his marriage because he was faithful to his wife. But, during his marriage there was a situation with a girl (she's the one who told me her encounter with him) she said that there was sort of an emotional connection between them. From what she told me, he never tried to make any advancements but he did write lovely poems about her which he published. The poems expressed thoughts of being with her 'if only he weren't married' type of sentiments. Although I know he loves me and expresses his desire to have a lasting relationship, he hides his friendship with another girl. I think he doesn't tell me because he thinks he's protecting me and doesn't want to jeopardize our relationship (or cause jealousy), but the fact that he's hiding it made me wonder why he's hiding it. I brought it up once and he assured me that he's not fooling around. So I just overlook this friendship because I don't want to be possessive either and change him or anything. I'm sure that would make us both miserable. But what brought these mixed feelings up is what this girl told me. Maybe I'm worrying for no good reason, it is in the past. OK, I don't have the time to do this justice but my question is WHY did this girl tell you this? It's very possible that this girl told you about this "connection" for a reason and 95% chance it has nothing to do with her being an angel of mercy but rather her establishing her perceived ownership over your man Her telling you this is sewing seeds of doubt in your own mind about your relationship. How convenient for her  It's also a way to get you to exit the scene without directly telling you so.
What is the nature of this friendship? Is it with someone you have contact with as well or is it a friendship he is having outside your sphere? . [Edited 2/27/08 20:18pm] 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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missfee said: well I know exactly what you mean and my advice to you is, to stop thinking this way. It will do nothing but eat you alive and stress you out unnecessarily.
I wouldn't worry about things like that unless you really had some hard core evidence that he is cheating on you for real. Like girls calling your phone or his phone, numbers in his pocket, lipstick on the collar, he doesn't answer his cell phone in your presence or he walks out of the room to take a phone call. Don't go looking for trouble until trouble finds you.  The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. -- Mark Twain.
BOB JOHNSON IS PART OF THE PROBLEM!! | |
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Slave2daGroove said: DexMSR said: Don't submit to your jealousy or insecurity because you will soon find yourself doing things that you probably would not do and it will end up sabotaging your relationship. Let his ACTIONS be your barometer...not what you THINK may happen. and communicate with him...if he's not talking about some girl but she's talking to you, tell him and ask him to be completely honest with you because that's what he would want from you...the shoe on the other foot scenario It has crossed my mind that I may be sabotaging the relationship even though this is not what I want. I need to get a grip before I do something that will damage his trust in me. | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: C0RAZ0N said: Thank you everyone, it's the input I needed.
I know deep in my heart that a major problem is my inability to trust, period. And insecurities do play a large part in how I am viewing his past. He's a good guy that made mistakes in the past with cheating on his girlfriends but as far as I know of him, he's changed. I guess he proved himself during his marriage because he was faithful to his wife. But, during his marriage there was a situation with a girl (she's the one who told me her encounter with him) she said that there was sort of an emotional connection between them. From what she told me, he never tried to make any advancements but he did write lovely poems about her which he published. The poems expressed thoughts of being with her 'if only he weren't married' type of sentiments. Although I know he loves me and expresses his desire to have a lasting relationship, he hides his friendship with another girl. I think he doesn't tell me because he thinks he's protecting me and doesn't want to jeopardize our relationship (or cause jealousy), but the fact that he's hiding it made me wonder why he's hiding it. I brought it up once and he assured me that he's not fooling around. So I just overlook this friendship because I don't want to be possessive either and change him or anything. I'm sure that would make us both miserable. But what brought these mixed feelings up is what this girl told me. Maybe I'm worrying for no good reason, it is in the past. OK, I don't have the time to do this justice but my question is WHY did this girl tell you this? It's very possible that this girl told you about this "connection" for a reason and 95% chance it has nothing to do with her being an angel of mercy but rather her establishing her perceived ownership over your man Her telling you this is sewing seeds of doubt in your own mind about your relationship. How convenient for her It's also a way to get you to exit the scene without directly telling you so.
What is the nature of this friendship? Is it with someone you have contact with as well or is it a friendship he is having outside your sphere? . [Edited 2/27/08 20:18pm] This girl and I met through a mutual friend recently, she doesn't know that he and I are actually exploring our relationship, but I did mention that we were interested in each other. They were strangers who met at a party by chance so they did not know each other previously. And I just met her. I'm not too sure what her intentions were in telling me, because she didn't know about our relationship. I guess I just listened because I thought she needed someone to talk to because she seemed troubled about it, and what passed between them was hard for her to forget. She seemed hopeful at one point it seemed like because of the poems he wrote for her, and she might have been hoping for a something more since after some time, he and his wife dissolved their marriage. Their last contact was a couple of years ago. Then again, she may have still been (like you said) establishing her ownership over him since she has known him for several years and he and I are fairly new in our relationship. | |
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