ever had one?

would you?

if nobody EVER found out(hyperthetically coz of course this is posted now)
would you/have you?

some would argue that theres nothing more exciting than naughty sex.....

me? im just curious

i will say this though.....!!

sometimes what can be achieved in a fortnight alot of couples wont achieve in a lifetime.....of course thats rare and the cons do outweigh the pro's but life is straightforward

and arent we just the sum of our memories and experiences

wasnt it chris rock who said"man is only as faithful as his options"???

I've always been dead-set against it, even got mad when people in movies had affairs. In the last few years I could totally see how it might happen, how people who have no excitement in their lives yearn for it, and begin to think it unfair that they can't have any fun because they are married.

good point

of course i meant life ISNT straightforward and for some marriage,kids,domesticity comes easier to some than others

To have an affair is very cool. To be caught having an affair is very un-cool.

jonylawson said:

people marry for all sorts of different reasons

me, I married because I wanted to have a companion, the person on my side no matter what, someone to talk to

my husband, married so he could do everything he wanted: buy a house, have a family, achieve his goals and dreams and have someone that cooks, cleans, raises the kids etc

those 2 are not compatible

I've seen my fair share of affairs through other relationships throughout my life and it never ends well. N E V E R. ever. everyone gets hurt especially there are children involved

Never had one and at this point could never see myself having one, but then I've only been married 9 months. Still, I'm not going looking and I'm happy with the one I've got so I can't see it happening any time soon.

I will have been married 10 years this year, the first 8 of those I would never have dreamed of looking at another man

Natisse said:

i repsect that but its not always the case

ZombieKitten said:

5 years last September, it took me about 4 years before I conciously looked at other women

I married her because I was in love and I seriously wanted to be together forever

I don't have a fucking clue why she married me.

Nobody knows what the future brings and what circumstances might happen in one's life that might lead to things that we would have never imagined they would happen to us. So it is diificult to judge as every situation is different.

One4All4Ever said:

haha

I am wondering more and more why my husband married me, he doesn't even seem to like me, I don't fit the role he had imagined for his wife

I think it all depends on what the two people in the affair are looking for....knowing the differences between men and women (especially when it comes to sex) the chances of two people wanting exactly the same things out of an affair seems most unlikely! It might happen in rare cases, but I guess the reason that so many affairs end in tears is because the two folks involved wanted different things.

I'm happily married myself to my true love (soppy I know!)....I don't think its a case of there being a perfect person for each of us out there, just one person who we are most likely to be happy and contented spending the rest of our lives with. I honestly believe that in most relationships people are not with that one person and have settled for someone who is a close approximation to what they want from a partner. Hence affairs cropping up later on when they realise they've settled for someone. Whether each of us find that one person is pot-luck I reckon...guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
[Edited 1/4/08 2:42am]

DaveT said:

same can be said for marriage

I think there are loads of people we are suited to, and unfortunately we chose one that is there at the right time and place, when a better one might come along in a few years

If I was in a closed relationship I would start asking myself why I would feel the need to have an affair before I started having one.

I would always be honest and rather confront my partner with the fact I feel the need to have one, if the anwer to my first question was that the relationship is not right.

But I think that the next relationship I will be in is an open relationship. Not all humans are made of monogamous material.

ZombieKitten said:

I'm sorry to hear that Charlotte. I haven't been able to help noticing some of your posts betraying some of these feelings, and I wondered how serious you were being.

Fauxie said:

Thanks Nick
I'm very close to that ultimatum kind of thing, which totally sucks you know, the "shape up or I'm leaving you" kind. He seems to want a 50s wife, who is fulfilled by housework (albeit on valium) who is cheerful even though he is only home 2 out of 7 nights a week. I'm very lonely and resentful that I can't do anything about my loneliness or boredom. We used to have fun together, you know?

lets keep this GENERAL people-this is the net

UNCLE JONY HAS SPOKEN !!

sometimes its better to think"what if" rather than "oh is this it?"

and lets redefine "affair"....a one night stand with 2 mutually attracted people with NO strings

jonylawson said:

that would not be an affair to me, that would just be a mistake

ZombieKitten said:

I wouldn't call that an affair either.

ZombieKitten said:

I know why we ended up together, which is a long story. After that living together, buying a house then marriage came naturally. When looking back I may have made a wrong choice, or 2 ... or 3 ... Why ? I don't know ? I didn't want to end up alone ? I chose safety/security ? Truth is that we seem to talk another language now and as you say we don't even seem to like eachother anymore. Whatever, with kids involved, I think I have to take responsibility for my choices. Stupid cupid

ZombieKitten said:

Serious said:

I would call it an affair if I met someone else I clicked with, who I take my worries to, that I really TALKED to, that I loved. Call it a woman thing, but sex might not even play an important part in it.

One4All4Ever said:

I feel the same, I lived with him already, so why not buy a house? after that, might as well get married. Guess what comes next, yup, KIDS. Now I feel if I left, I would not be a person anyone else could love, I mean, how heartless a person would I be, that leaves her husband and children! so of course I can't do that

ZombieKitten said:

I wouldn't call that a woman thing. I think men need that as well. I know that is what I miss right now. Every person needs someone who's there regardless, to listen, to care, to comfort and to support.

One4All4Ever said:

I was with my close friend Carolyn today, there are things I would not dream of telling her. That is what I wish my husband is for, to listen to strange or worrying thoughts - even for him to say "don't be silly ". He on the other hand, thinks I need a close female friend to talk to, to let him off the hook, because he is too busy for the trivial stuff I might think about.

ZombieKitten said:

I've been on the brink of doing that ... but I can't leave my boys.

I'm complex, I've tried but I can't do affairs therefor I can also never start a new relationship while still married. I can do plain sex, but it doesn't satisfy me.

Ok ... that's it for me ... lock this thread ... it sucks