Whitnail said:

i 2nd that

Thanks guys

Have not spoken to any bio family in 7 years... I am totally ok with that..

It is my mission now as a mum to ensure my children build bonds which will endure and stregthen long after my passing.

ZAUBERFLOTE said:

:nod; I agree. One can teach children how to establish a healthy relationship with each other, but one cannot do much with adults that are stuck in their old ways.

I've been thinking about this lately. Mon and her sister Ta just aren't talking at the moment. It's not that they're fighting, and they do share the occasional bit of small talk (i.e. 'pass the salt' type stuff), but that's all. Living in the house together it's a bit weird that they just don't speak with one another like they used to. Ta is currently trying to decide what to do relationship-wise (two suitors), I think, and Mon decided to give her space and not get involved, but this all seems weird to me, and uncomfortable. It's meant that I've not spoken to Ta hardly at all either, passing by each other in the house without saying a word. I'm worried that the longer this goes on, even without any great animosity there, Mon and Ta will just grow apart to the point where there's no return.

My sister and I get along, but I am probably more the with-holder. She calls me up a lot to tell me about her latest things. Then she gets upset with me for not being very excited, but truth is I find it hard to. Like recently she called up to ask if I could take photos at her wedding and I was very excited about it. Now she called the wedding off, for various reasons - which is so totally typical of her - I feel totally disappointed, but I should have known

ZombieKitten said:

Disappointed she won't be getting married or disappointed you won't be taking pictures? It sounds... bad.

Fauxie said:

disappointed yet again at her fickleness. She has been with her fiancee over ten years and this is second time she has made a big announcement, set a date and then couple months later backed out. The reasons are petty - like about guest list, and not having lost enough weight yet etc with the date looming.

Fauxie said:

Sounds like it's been a long time since Ta and Mon have been on speaking terms with each other. How long has it been?

ZombieKitten said:

Is your sister one of those people that gets long winded when they tell you about what's going on with them?

with my siblings it always comes downs to petty squabbling
and very childish arguments
very abusive and aggressively fought out

There can be no winner in these situations
I'm also a little concerned that I might get physically violent when I'm in a temper with them, and that's just not on.

So I keep and have kept my distance over the years.

Sometimes 1 brother tries to remind me that family (or blood) matters most of all etc.
where I agree that it should, but my family are stupid up to the point of being evil.

Very difficult situation really.

Thank you for sharing your stories about your siblings. Your words have brought me comfort. I don't feel like I am the only one with the rejecting sister anymore.

MoniGram said:

same here but for us more than twenty---HOW DOES SHE DO IT!

Rightly said:

You brother probably believes in the ideal of togetherness but cannot put it ot practice. Did your parents insist that you guys had to be together all the time even when you wanted some time alone?

Every time that I have reached out to my sister and tried to spend some time together like going to the movies together, it feels so tense. And sooner or later, she'll something hurtful. So, it is better for me too to keep my distance from her.

Genesia said:

That would be too much like right, though you know? My mom is like that too. She likes to stir shit up too and get us all pissed at each other

I see something common here! We're all dysfunctional!!!!

That's why we get along so well! ha ha!

I was officially banned from the family for not going to my younger brother's wedding last year. He basically turned a hoe into a housewife, but that's beside the point. No one likes her; but I guess we have to like her now, she's family!

But being that I was broke, spent all my money on therapy and school, I had none left to fly home. And I was also professionally advised not to go home anyway. I really didn't want all that I spent to be undone in a few days.

So I'm the family outsider, oh well. It's safe. I'm the only one that went to a professional to figure my life out, and now they think I'm too good or something.

Let's not make a situation come to life if it was never there to begin with. That's my thing. They're blood, and that's about it.

I do have a relationship with my sisters, though.

gyro34 said:

you mean like drawing something out to make it a good story? Nahh, she is also a disaster magnet, so her stories always include ambulances and floods anyway.

gyro34 said:

Well, they didn't really speak for a while until about 5 or 6 years ago. Then on and off they've been good, then bad, then ok, indifferent, back to good etc., but generally they've been on speaking terms most of the time if not always best chums. They've never really been super close but in general they've been sisters who look out for each other and get along ok. Right now it's been 2 months that they haven't been speaking. They're not getting at each other, they're just not really paying any attention to the other or going out of the way to make conversation. They just don't talk.

KatSkrizzle said:

You bet. We do have similar struggles with our siblings and other family members.
So, being broke was totally unacceptable to them? Geez, it happens. It is valid reason to miss a wedding.
Me too, I am the only one in the family that has stuck it out with therapy and is making changes happen. My sister and my mom on the surface would say that they are happy for me, but their actions let me know that they prefer the "old me."
I also feel like an outsider. My parents never accepted that I am a separate individual. I have never felt accepted and loved unconditionally. Particularly, my mom. She still thinks that I am her.

ZombieKitten said:

Oh god..sounds like she likes to think of herself as a victim. No wonder you don't feel excited when she's going on and on about her ongoing misery.

Fauxie said:

That's sad. I hope that someday they find a better way to deal with their misunderstandings other than relying on the silent treatment.

gyro34 said:

Thanks, I do too. It's weird at the moment. It'd almost be better if they were fighting.

gyro34 said:

Thanks for your reply.
No we were never pushed into being together.
My parents were very slack with all of their parental duties, and many grieviances were carried into adulthood.

I think every1 feels let down by everybody, They seem to be stuck in the past.

That's why all my close friends where I live now are family. All the folks I cut my teeth with in my twenties are more like family than what I have.

It is what it is. You can't be mad about it. I think I am far more happier without feeling obligated to them. Everyone knows that family can be really detrimental.

So be happy that they are at arm's length and that you have wonderful friends/extended family.

Yeah...age and therapy works wonders!