This comes courstesy of althom.

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep, muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies.He climbs into bed, falls asleep , and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks that maybe the ribbon will work on him. So, going to the closet again, grabs another piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husbands testicles.

Amazingly, it also works on him!

The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband awakes from a drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.

He shakes his head and looks at the dog and says, "I don't know where we were or what we did last night, but, by God, -- we got First and Second place"

Old and lame. Like you.

every nite this womans husband comes home drunk,
undresses, jumps in the bed, and riiips
off the most discusting farts and falls out.
one nite he does this and she says "one nite you'll do that
and shit your gutz out."
a few days later, while out gettin groceries, she goes
to the butcher and asks for a few pounds of scrap beef guts,
that nite, as usual, the hubby comes in and does his thing.
after he falls out, the wife warms up the gutz, then putz them in the bed with hubby. she goes to sleep on the couch.
the man wakes up and feels all this stuff in the bed, goes in the bathroom, cutz on the lite and sees all this blood,
and meat fragments and faints.
about an hour later he goes to his wife, wakes her up and says.
"you were rite, it finaly happened, i shit my gutz out...
but thanks to god, and these two fingers, i got them all back in."
[This message was edited Mon Oct 21 19:57:49 PDT 2002 by 00769BAD]

00769BAD said:

LOL!
pretty good.

this one's cute...an old lady told me this in the grocery store yesterday

how can you pick Ronald Mcdonald out of the crowd on a nude beach?

he's the one with the sesame seed buns!

BattierBeMyDaddy said:

Hey! What does that say about me, because I gave it to him.

althom said:

Do we have to spell it out for you?

bkw said:

Hey! Your the one who posted it.

I just got this in e-mail... it made me laugh:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had kill today because they pissed me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

And, help me to remember... when I'm having a really bad day, and it seems people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.