I have a slight socializing problem, not sure if this is a disorder or not. but normally, I can communicate or articulate conversations with people close to me(such as my family.) i really dont have many friends, but every time i talk to someone, i freeze up! i try to talk, my voice goes into a mouse-like pitch. people end up thinking i have a speech impediment or i cannot speak english. essentially, i just get real nervous with people i do not know, i cannot have a normal conversation with them, i.e, like look into their eyes, without turning away.

do you guys have any tips, on how i can get rid of this.
or do you think its something else. btw, this is a very step for me to address this, i am usually not really into disclosing a lot of things, but i feel a certain warmness within this place.

baroque said:

Conquer your fear, go out and meet someone and just talk to them. My 24 year old son use to be as shy as can be, he went into journalism because he is an excellent writer. Now he goes out on a daily basis and interviews people all day long. He over came his fear, by just jumping into it, now it comes natural. Good luck!!

PaisleyPark5083 said:

thank you, i was actually thinking of joining journalism at my school. i love writing, i feel i can express myself more. thank you once again.

When you meet people, just ask a question or two to get them talking about themselves. As you listen, you'll think of other things to ask and you'll hardly have to talk, at all.

People love to talk about themselves.

Genesia said:

i've notice this alot, as well lol. i am an example of this.
thank you.
[Edited 1/23/08 12:49pm]

alcohol

Pretend your someone else! This helps me a lot OR since you may be dealing with someone for the first time, they have no idea who you are or what you're about. they don't know you're shy. Take that opportunity to be the person you want to be and they will not know the difference! That helps me too

horatio said:

uh..i'll be slurring.thank you.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

you know that really does work.
for junior in high school, i was thought i was david bowie...i had some friends..then they went away lol..but it does work.

horatio said:

That's how I conquer my fear!

baroque said:

Nah, but for real you just described me to the fullest. I start stuttering and shit, it's not pretty at all when I talk to people I don't know....

KidaDynamite said:

i feel you.

I have a date on Friday and while I'm happy about having a date, I'm actually dreading it in a way. I get sooooo nervous and I freak out about being able to even hold a decent conversation.
I have a date with a different guy (hopefully) the Friday after that.

I feel like I'm torturing myself in a way, even though I know it's "good for me". This is worse than preparing for a job interview.

CarrieMpls said:

Go back to my dreams and claim that girl who is a superhero vixen! you can do it Carrie!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I'll do my best.

baroque said:

do you tend to escape situations where you think you might get embarassed?

PricelessHo said:

yes.

Try to find out what the other person is interested in, by asking questions like. "What are you interested in?" Then ask them to tell you about it. Say something like, "That's fascinating. Tell me about it".

Then, listen with sincerity. Ask a "Tell me more"-type question every so often. If you do this, you will thought of as a fantastic conversationalist.

Oh yeah - try your hardest to conquer the looking-into-the-eyes thing. Don't stare them down, but maintain eye contact. Try to smile with your eyes, if that makes sense.

People will absolutely accept anyone that looks them in the eye while listening with sincerity.

baroque said:

not to scare you or anything, but it started with me that way around 2 years ago. and as time went by it got even worse then i literally started ditching everything, esp. College. and ended up getting expelled, all because i let my supposed fears get to me.

when i finally decided to see a therapist it turned out my symptoms indicated a case of APD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), and i was put on medication (still am). Aparently it takes a while.

i suggest you google APD and check out it's symptoms just in case.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

RodeoSchro said:

to try convince oneself of that however

There's lots of ways to get over that.
Take a public speaking class.
Or an acting class.
Or a dancing class.
Those are some easy ones.

You could try going to a therapist and trying to figure out what's at the root of your painful shyness.

shyness sucks!

I was like you much of my life, and I still do avoidance-y things. I take the bull by the horns every now and then and force myself into situations I might otherwise avoid, because I do end up feeling satisfied and rewarded and proud of myself for doing it.

wow, this thread is making my hair stand on end, thanks for starting it, i can relate with alot of what has been posted. I found the post about journalism interesting. I work in the hospitality and catering business, where i am naturally dealing with strangers day in day out, whether collegues or clients, but as soon as i am in a casual get together with the same people, I am lost.

Whether shyness or something else has to do with this , i cant say. Supa´s point, of being someone else, is I think what alot of people do, I have seen it in action alot, and it is something I am not able to do. In my last job, after a certain stage, many colleagues in particular took great joy in telling me that I was a cold, emotionless arrogant person. The simple fact is that I am a private person, but I paid hell for that. Anyway, it is a long story.

Funnily as well, when I met up with fellow orgers, some of whom I already knew before the last show in London last yr, I was nervous as hell, but within minutes, there was a warm welcome and my nerves dissappeared

RodeoSchro said:

I experience feelings of extreme shyness myself, although less frequently the older I become. Eye contact does seem to count for alot, people tend to feel more comfortabe and willing to talk to a person that makes frequent eye contact.

thank you all for advice, i am very grateful for the warmth that you have showed me. it will take time, but i will put you're tips into my life.

thank you once again, this has touched my heart.
[Edited 1/23/08 17:58pm]

I sometimes think this about myself, then I remember I really don't like people seeing as they are selfserving, hypocritical, opportunistic, cowardly, backstabbing liars.


But if your heart is really set on human interaction you can join a book club, a church group or an adult education class. That way you can kind of ease into talking with new people and if you don't want to talk much you don't really have to say much.

RodeoSchro said:

unless there is a bear chasing you.

Sweeny79 said:

it is late here, so i will read this again tomorrow