Of which I am one.

CreedThoughts: http://blog.nbc.com/Creed...1/13-week/

January 17, 12:36 PM

Creed Thoughts
I don’t usually title these buggers, but today I’m going to. I’m calling it “What I Look for in a President” because I keep hearing all kinds of buzzing about Presidents and elections and blacks and ladies and Mormons and short guys. I don’t follow the news, but I use newspapers for lots of other purposes so it kind of just soaks in.


I’ve been through lots of Presidents in my time and after a while, you get a sense of what you want in a leader. Here’s my list of what I look for in a President:

1. I want a President who likes to dance. You get a square up there and none of the other countries want to party. The key to international relations is dancing.

2. My President needs to get pissed. Too many of those stiffs get to the White House and glad-hand everyone. Somebody does something terrible to America, they sit there calmly in their football-shaped office and tell us that everything is going to be okay. I want a dude (or dudette) who grabs a golf club and smashes things when they talk to the nation. I want a leader who’s not afraid to tell everyone to go to hell.

3. I want a President that looks good dressed up. Nice cheeks bones are an added bonus.

4. If they’re going to make bad decisions, they better make up for them spectacularly. I’m talking personalized apology notes, public floggings, and free ice cream. If they want to sit in a dunk tank, I’ll be the first in line to take a shot.

5. I want at least three controversies, none of which make America look bad. The President getting caught with an unbelievably foxy hooker is okay, but the President getting caught hitting the foxy hooker is not. Selling weapons to Europe is fine, but selling weapons to Asia is not. I’ll also accept some kind of unintentional foreign insult controversy, but it has to be funny and not boring.


Look, it’s not like I vote or anything. I’m just sharing my guidelines for good leadership. You should probably figure out what you look for in a President on your own because it’s good for democracy blah blah blah. Hopefully next November, if I’m still in America, whoever gets voted in will hit all five of my criteria. If not, I can always move to Saskatchewan. I hear Regina’s nice.


And Dwight's blog, a/k/a Schute-Space: http://blog.nbc.com/DwightsBlog/

January 17, 12:43 PM

Why I Don’t Trust the Craftsmanship of Swedes

I wish a pleasant January to you all. January is usually the month where Schrute Farms undergoes many of its reconstruction projects. During our recent transition into an eco-tourist destination, we opened our farm and its themed-rooms to tourists of all types. This has led to problems. While dealing with the needs of our varied guests, I no longer have time to begin the reconstruction efforts the farm so badly needs. My cousin Mose doesn’t have the initiative to start the projects on his own (although he is quite a diligent worker when told exactly what to do), so until I can get some free time, the farm will remain unkempt.

Additionally, the guests that we have hosted have not treated our belongings with the respect that we Schrutes give to our possessions. The night table constructed by my Great Uncle Gernot has been chipped and scratched as if it were a common scratching post. My familiar dining table has had beet jelly spilled upon it several times and, as everyone knows, beet jelly leaves stains that are entirely irremovable. After discussing the situation with various co-workers, it was suggested that I visit the massive furniture store run by Swedish people (In an effort to not slander nor promote any corporations in this weblog, I will refrain from naming with Swedish furniture store I patronized. Let’s just say that it was a bad “IDEA” that I shopped there).

After driving quite a ways to get there, I found the enormous monstrosity of a store. At first, I was worried that I had mistakenly driven to some massive indoor stadium. Unfortunately, this turned out to be my destination. Once inside, I was comforted by the abundance of umlauts in the signage but that’s where my comfort ended. The store was filled with shoddy items constructed of shoddy materials. Of course the prices are low – how much could they really charge for compressed sawdust?

While sampling their meatballs (surprisingly delicious, but not worthy of comparison to Grandma Mannheim’s fleischklops), I persuaded myself to buy one of the Swede’s night tables as a replacement for Great Uncle Gernot’s fine oak table. I just couldn’t imagine letting that table endure one more night of abuse by irresponsible travelers. The replacement table cost twenty-five dollars. It was made out of pine. Pine. For twenty-five dollars, I expect a lease for a small plot of land in a pine forest. Instead, I received eleven pieces of unfinished wood. Perhaps they would have liked to spit in my face as well.

When I got the table home, I set Mose to work assembling it. He completed the assembly in just under three minutes. I remember Mose making a similar table out of forest lumber when he was seven – as a joke. While we all laughed heartily then, except for Mose who was shunned for a week for participating in humor, nobody at Schrute Farms was laughing this time. Mose cried when he finished the construction. I don’t know if it was because of the poor materials and ridiculous tool he had to use or the memory of his long-forgotten forest lumber joke, but either way there were tears running down his bearded face and it breaks my heart to see that. It equally breaks my heart to have a piece of furniture in my home that is made of such a quality as that Swedish bedside table.

I smashed that table to pieces immediately. I couldn’t stand looking at it for one more second. From that day forward, I swore that I would never allow another piece of second-rate Swedish furniture into my home ever again.

Anything that makes Mose cry will henceforth be banished from Schrute Farms. Do not trifle with a Schrute. Ever.

That is all.

D. K. Schrute

The office is the best show on tv - hands down!

All characters are hilarious, but I love Kevin and Jim the best. I could kick Michael's ass each show, but he sure does make me laugh!!