Am I a horrible person for not wanting to "give up" a week of my vacation time (and life) by going on a vacation with my parents, my brother and his wife and children?

They went on a family vacation last year and invited me and I got out of it, but my brother just sent me a text saying they'd like to do the same this year and would like it if I could be there...

I know I'm going to say no, but it makes me feel bad. And mean. It's not that I don't love them. I just can't spend that much time with them.

Do you do this? Do you spend that much time with your extended family?

Well they aren't extended family technically but immediate family....

I have to wonder if you might gain something from it if not a fresh perspective.... Would be good for your niece too... Granted we are different then our blood but there is something about it that is.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Yes, but just spending an overnight with my parents over the holidays was difficult. I was finally breathing again when I got back home!

And I'm having my niece down for an overnight soon. So we spend time together anyway.

Also - their idea of a vacation is going to a resort on a lake in Minnesota for an entire week. They'll be fishing and swimming in lakes and cooking meat at every meal. Our lifestyles simply don't match up. If it were a day or two, maybe, but an entire week is just too much.

I do see what you're saying... but I don't think I can do it.

CarrieMpls said:

Hows about if you spend 3 days and 2 nights in the middle... Meets your minimalist needs and there desire for an appearance?

Okay, ok... hows about 1 night two solid days?

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

why do I still have an account registered here ? 2 much wisdom, 2 much thruth.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

The reason I got out of it last year is it was about a 4 hour drive and I was scared to drive my sad, old car there by myself. If they pick the same place (or somewhere that far again) I'll run into the same trouble this year. So we'll see. If can get in and out in two days, I'll consider it.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

That actually sounds perfect.

My dad, stepmom, stepbros and their girlfriends do the same thing every summer and one of my stepbrothers only comes down for a few days and it works out fine.

Sometimes when I'm in a place in my mind where I can be around them too much I'll spend the first or last weekend there and then have the rest of the week to myself to enjoy.

you arent a terrible person to find it stressful - for some people, unenjoyable even - spending extended time with family, especially when your lifestyles are so different. i am the same in regards to my own family.

but id seriously consider trying to figure out a way to at least spend a couple/few days on vacation with your family this summer, even if the days are not consecutive. no doubt your parents especially would appreciate and cherish the opportunity to create a few more memories with you and the family all together.

life goes by so suddenly and quickly - children grow up, time marches on, circumstances change. sometimes its good to endure a few personal inconveniences in exchange for experiences which arent going to be forever feasible. ask yourself if, in 10 years, you might regret not taking part in this family vacation...really consider the idea and the pros and cons of it. perhaps youll decide not going truly is the best choice for you - or perhaps youll decide otherwise.

I run into the same thing. I don't mind going on vacation with my mom, my niece and nephew but when we start to add my brother, his girlfriend and the rest of the rugrats, I go insane. Everyone is so indecisive. I'm the type of person who has to know what I'm going to be doing so I can be prepared. They are slower than molasses and will wait until the last minute to do things. I hate that. Not only that, but we always have to do what they want to do.

One4All4Ever said:

Wait what? Are you kicking me off the island?

You feel people are here because they lack? Its just another outlet like any other... I like this one often better because it offers anonymity that many need which means they are more honest and forthcoming... I crave that level of humanity always. Although in this case, she is as much a sister to me as one could be. We see each other a few times a year etc...

People are the same wherever you go... Its all what you make it...

I don't say I get it exactly but this joint attracts the most interesting plethora to the center... Ive never seen anything like it!

WillyWonka said:

True. Very true.

Last summer, I'd intended on going to Vegas for a vacation and to reconnect with some former coworkers. Problem is, my trip would have been a week after my family reunion, which I'd planned on skipping.

Now, I love my family dearly, but I'd hoped to just have some "me" time. And, I'd just seen the bulk of those relatives at our Thanksgiving get-together. My parents got wind of my plans, and persuaded me to go.

I'm so glad I went to the reunion. Yeah, I'd seen a lot of those relatives before, but there's something about the intentionality of relatives seeking out one another's company.

I concluded that it's a blessing to have family and to celebrate your loved ones whenever you can. Life's awfully short.

Ok, I avoid my extended family like the plague. I still have my grandparents and at 42 that is a feat. However, my grandmother is locked into an era so gone by that i cant relate on any level... she has made an art form out of misery. I simply cant relate. i love my grandfather dearly and would do anything for him but cannot do so as grandmother and her ways sack me.

My mom called to say she thinks grandfather has maybe 6 months... he is in his 90's I need to see him more... I love my grandmother dearly but cant abide her limited mindset although i see it is right for her... I need to step up..

Now my Aunts and cousins are the maker of their individual demises... and i am cantankerous for my obstinance on the subject...

So i have some work to do...

For me this is a no brainer, my extended family of 17 (sisters, their spouses, their kids, my brother, my aunt) all live within 5 minutes of me. So, I see them all the time. But silly me I would still jump at the chance to go away together for a week. Problem is, we all have such different schedules, sunday dinner sometimes is impossible. It all depends on the family.

I can do vacations with my mom. dad and brothers but when you start adding uncles and all their kids and spouses I say no! Everyone would want to do different things, I don't think it would work out!
[Edited 1/19/08 11:02am]

fuck no! I want to go on vacation, but without my parents! It's so annoying tagging along with older people

CarrieMpls said:

Not at all

CarrieMpls said:

I started a thread similar to this a while back. I don't blame you for not wanting to spend much time with your family; I feel the same way. As you said, it's not that I don't love them, but I need my alone time and space too.

CarrieMpls said:

no, I dont think that makes you a bad person.