Fauxie said:

And really, why wouldn't you?

Imago said:

CarrieMpls said:

Certainly you could find it in a friend or family member. You can have very close relationships with friends and family members that have a similar impact on your life as a partner might, though for me personally I know there are times only my wife could make the difference for me and fill up that space I can't seem to fill. or help me do it. For some they might be able to apply the 'two people who belong together' to a very strong friendship or family bond they have and I think it could still apply.

Perhaps you are extremely independent and self-assured. All I can say is that for me the personal cheering section of one really does allow me to do things I couldn't otherwise. Thinking about it, I'd like to not have that dependence so much, but I can't honestly see a time when I won't 'need' my wife to some extent in order to get to where I want to be and be the person I want to be. It is part of the reason why we're together, to fill in those missing spaces each other has. I don't know if this is a sign of weakness or mutual need rather than pure romance, but I think it's the case for a lot of people and it often goes hand in hand with loving another person. Everybody needs to lean on someone else at some point in their life and it may be that people very often seek out others who can help them and who need help they personally can give.

ok, back to the actual subject of this thread: It sucks.

Imago said:

I like this thread!

mdiver just wanted to celebrate his love, y'all, in between his French cuff ironing. Leave him be.

That said, as a single dude, I'm tired of folks trying to "fix" me by suggesting I get married. Formerly single friends now bring up dating, so I can be married like them.

It's kind of sad (to me, for them), because the premise is: "You don't count until you get married..."

That's so untrue.

Fauxie said:

a-ha. I am just different.

I see.

heybaby said:

You tell him!!

heybaby said:

that's so embarrassing!

your an ass!

Imago said:

can we make it about how much fauxie's avatar sucks instead? i mean, really

heybaby said:

and girl, you are fine as hell, so if you need me to apologize a million times, I WILL DO IT.

CarrieMpls said:

But with the infinite possibilities, the potential we have as human beings, how many of us honestly get it done, follow through, swallow our pride or pluck up the courage to do all the things we could, the things we want to or even feel we should, all of the time? I don't think I'm alone in having fears, hang-ups, issues of defeatism at times and low points where I feel weak that hold me back. To be human is to be flawed, judged against our own constructed criteria of success and failure. The idea of starting a family with my wife, and the love I receive from her, is something that could see me have the determination and motivation to sort myself out physically, spiritually and mentally to be ready to have a child. I can become a better person through that change, a change that I might struggle to make if alone without the love and encouragement of my wife. I don't think this is uncommon. I guess it depends how 'possible' what you're alluding to truly is, to be so independent and well-rounded, when it comes to whether it's a worthwhile point of debate. If it's not then it's just idealistic folly. If it is then apparently I'm just weak and needy.

evenstar said:

What exactly is his avatar though? It looks like it's wallpaper? Or perhaps a scan of his underwear?

CarrieMpls said:

Maybe that's all it is. And more power to you.

I was just thinking though. I was more independent by necessity when I was younger (and single). I suppose it's possible that when in a relationship people can be a little too keen on asking for support and enjoy that dependence and even take advantage of the situation. Still, might life in a relationship throw up new challenges that single life never does, which a perfectly secure and independent person previously might suddenly find they can't entirely cope with on their own? I think it probably does.

Also, Imago and Evenstar can go fuck themselves.

I agree with Carrie. and i know that mdiver is just celebrating his love as thready said. thats sweet. But you really can make your own world by yourself-without alteration due to compromise or invasion of space or privacy. however being a woman who knows that I don't really need anyone, its nice to have some one to share it with-to lessen the burden. Its nice to be close to someone like that. Friends and relative are nice and just as important but i don't think its the same.

Fauxie said:

So for you, the desire and motivation to "be all you can be" comes from a need to be just that for your wife and out of wanting to raise a family... And you feel without that you'd lack the drive.

I guess I don't understand why it would seem less than possible at all, to be well-rounded and happy alone. We're obviously coming from two very different perspectives and neither of us has walked in the other shoes.

I should also state, I don't think you're needy or weak at all. Rather, I think you're selling yourself short, not realizing you could and would do it all on your own.

heybaby said:

And I agree as well. With all you've said. Hell, I LOVE to be in love.

I just think it's dangerous, particularly for women, to be taught they are nothing without a partner. Especially with how much it's repeated in our culture.

Imago said:

nick in flowery panties! too precious!

Fauxie said:

I'm not washing any man's stinky underwear. I'm never coping with that.

CarrieMpls said:

SO SO true. i've known way too many girls who have this disneyesque fantasy that 'their prince' will make everything perfect in their lives, which is bullshit.

The Buddha said, "Be a light unto yourself."


This of course has several meanings, but my favorite of it's meanings or interpretations is that we are supposed to think for ourselves. (The religion differs from many in that it actually asks you to question what you are told and not to trust everything. In other words, without serious introspection, who do you actually know what you believe is genuinely true?)

One of the probably unintended meanings I actually take from this statement is that one should always depend on oneself for all things. Be that person that you wish to love. Be that person that you find charming. Be that which attracts you.

Perhaps it's because I've been in relationships that have left me jaded, or that I am slowly trying to discover what my own limits are in sexual, personal, and intellectual expression that I so strongly agree with Carrie--though I suspect she probably saw me post statements like this before and just copied them into her own post strictly for the applause.

CarrieMpls said:

I'm not asking you to wash it. I'm asking you to drape it over your heater and use it as potpourri

CarrieMpls said:

evenstar said:

I'm sorry, I know it skirts weird territory but I would totally jack off to photos of that.

evenstar said:

True. And what's worse are the young girls in dead end boring lives who think having a child will give their lives the meaning they desire.

Imago said:

oh please, that's practically vanilla compared to the whole 2girls1cup thing.

Imago said:

So, did you spend your afternoon at a tractor pull? eh?

Fauxie said:

Imago said:

You need me.