ip relay

Preface.
My job at a museum necessitates that I get a lot of phone calls from the general (& crazy) public. I usually get your run of the mill questions about hours, exhibitions, but every so often I'll get a weird one like the time Lt. Col. from the Dept. of Defense at the Pentagon called or the one I got today, which takes the cake.

Part I.
1:00pm, the phone rings, I answer, "Museum name..." A guy says "I have a question about touring the museum. I'm a nudist, can I come to your museum." I said, "Pardon me?" He says, "I'm a nudist, I want to visit your museum, can I?" Now my first impulse was to laugh and think it was a friend prank calling me (side note, one time a friend called and pretended she wanted to bring a group of ex-cons), but I have to treat every person as if they're serious so I say, "You're welcome to visit the museum, but I'd need to check to see what our policy is; I've honestly never had this question." (I'm thinking to myself no way in hell is a someone allowed into a museum on Fifth Avenue butt nekkid, but I don't want to discriminate so I figure I'll double check.) I add that I don't think it would be allowed because we have to abide by NYC ordinance and I doubted nudity is allowed in public--I asked if he was from NY and if he was able to walk to the store without clothes. He said, "Sometimes. I try to if I can." We decide that Tommy (he tells me his name) will call me back at 3pm to see what our policy is, because he'd really prefer to visit "bare-ass" if he can.


Part II.
I check with our Director of Operations, the Security Department handbook and the New York City Police Department. As suspected, nudity in a public building is against the law and those breaking the law can be fined.

Most everyone in the museum with whom I speak thinks it was a prank call, but I think Tommy is the real deal. I also think there must be varying levels of nudity so maybe "bare-ass" is a technical term, like a g-string instead of full frontal. (Thankfully no one brings up the Prince Gett Off assless pants. )


Part III.
2:48pm, the phone rings, it's Tommy. I say, "As I mentioned before you are welcome to visit the museum, but I checked with our Security Department and the NYPD and you would need to wear clothes--a shirt, pants or short, and shoes." He says, "Really, because I've been to other galleries and they didn't mind." I said, "Well, we are a public institution and therefore we have to adhere to city, state, and federal law." He tries to tell me that federal law doesn't prohibit it, so I offered to give him the phone number for NYPD general info line. Desperate, he asks, "What about body paint?" I said, "No I'm sorry, you'd need to wear clothes." I thank him for calling and tell him to have a nice weekend.


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Afterword: I couldn't believe I was actually having a serious conversation about whether this guy could visit a museum in the Upper East Side in the nude! I have nothing against nudists, but the thought of this guy coming to a museum full of old ladies and nannies with their charges made me . I could just imagine the look on their faces and the complaints rolling in. Poor Tommy, must be rough to be a nudist in New York, having to wear clothing all the time.

BucketOfBouncyBalls said: