I saw AVP-R today.


It sucked.




First of all, what genre was this movie supposed to be? I couldn't tell if it was a teenage slasher flick, sci-fi movie, or action film. It was completely muddled.

And WTF? The action in the first 2 minutes of the movie (things happen very fast in this movie) wasn't even scary. The first 2 victims literally die in 30 seconds, and the acting is more mechanical than that young Aniken Sky-walker kid in Phantom Menace.

Even the "surprise creature" , though slightly cool looking, was a bit over-the-top, it was laughable.

I hoped and prayed that this AVP-R is it's own unique franchise, but honestly, with the way they tied to the movie into the original Alien movies , I now surrender to the notion that 20th Century Fox considers these Alien 5 and Alien 6. I'm sure others may find evidence to the contrary, but if you just watch the films, this is obviously what they are. Which is truly sad, cause they feel more like teenage slasher films combined with the Predator series.

SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT BELOW



Predator planet is cool
Though the whole concept is stupid to me. In Predator (the first movie with Arnnold whatshisface), it was really cool. You could always assume that the predator was either a renegade, or part of an illegal band of aliens that come the Universe looking for things to hunt.
but in this movie, all hope of that is despelled. Obviously, the Predator is indicative of his race--a hyper Klingon society, advanced beyond our wildest hopes for the near future, and complete with thriving megaloposises. This makes no fucking sense--such technology and societal constructs would require cooperation far beyond what humans currently are capable. Moreover, it would not be assumed that this cooperation is of a hive mentality (like the Alien, which allows it to be intelligent yet brutal--a creature without the need concience to keep the clan alive). Predators, on the other hand, are 'advanced' creatures--it just seems so unlikely and silly, that it doesn't make for good sci-fi. They should have painted these hunters as renegades of their race--some type of brutal Far-right wing Republican aliens or something.

As far as the Alien goes. Why are the chest burster scenes so stupid now? They literally take seconds to happen, and the victims barely react beyond a half-assed acting attempt to show shock and pain. The first Alien chest burster scene from Ridley Scott's masturpiece is how it's supposed to be done. And James Cameron does a good job capturing that in the chest burster scene in the Alien hive. but these new AVP movies? They don't get that shit right at all.

A few pluses to the movie:
1) Special effects are decent
2) The Predator is rendered nicely
3) They don't show the entire alien's bodies for long, drawn out, CGI-tastic shots--if you get a view of the entire creature it's usually a fleeting glance or quick moving camera angle view--nice touch, and harkens back to the old days.


Overall though, this movie was shit. And since when is showing kids as victims of chest burster scenes appropriate? There's a scene in the hospital (though thankfully IMPLIED) where a whole room of children are victims. nasty. tacky. gross.





[Edited 12/25/07 19:25pm]
[Edited 12/25/07 19:28pm]

pussy

DanceWme said:

No, 2the9's pussy.

Imago said:

is it nice?

DanceWme said:

It's fat and juicy. Like Margaret cho said, his pubic mound looks like a Portobello Mushroom.





big ass pubic mound edit
[Edited 12/25/07 19:32pm]

Imago said:

that
is
fuckin
sick



Besides, AVP-R looked stupid from the commercial. Glad I didnt waste my money.

DanceWme said:

It was like going from Rocky 1 straight to Rocky 4.





Just wrong.








Can't I ever post without editing edit?
[Edited 12/25/07 19:35pm]

Imago said:

and who the fuck wants to see stallone let alone hear his ass talk for that long

DanceWme said:

I'd rather see Supa and Fauxie, shirts off, bitch slapping each other in a boxing ring.

Imago said:

or Prince and Larry Graham wrestling in mud with briefs on

DanceWme said:

Well, if Prince loses more fans with this PFU thing, I'll be looking for the home video to leak--that always bumps ratings. Look what it did for Tommy Lee.

Imago said:

weird ass thread edit
[Edited 12/25/07 19:41pm]

Damn. I was hoping this would be good.

benyamin said:

Ben seriously, it was the worst in the franchise.


Even with the R-rating and violence.

I just heard about this movie by a thing on youtube and i was like wtf was there any promotion for it?

After seeing I AM LEGEND I doubt I'll go to the movies anytime soon.

were there literally festering asses...those are hot...

roodboi said:

You have a nice voice and a cute accent.

But I'm not answering that question. It feels rhetorical.

Imago said:

you actually sounded like a guy...

roodboi said:

so fuckin sexy

roodboi said:

shocking isn't it?

DanceWme said:

My. voice. melts.

I saw it tonight. My opinion is.... it was awesome. Yeah the chest burster scenes were too fast.

This movie is more grusome than the last AVP. Couple of heads get blown off. Human skinned, aliens doing their usual shit and lots more blood.

The hospital scene. Pregnant mothers forced eggs down their throats while in labour was eeeewwwww and the maternity ward with the babies screaming
That was disturbing to me.

The only thing that did not explain itself or get into was the scene where the colonel was delaying help. The use of an atomic weapon to wipe out the towns people. And then the ending scene where they bring the "gun/weapon" to some high up woman in an office where she comments that the human race is not ready for this comment. It ends there which means the AVP movies are over or this could continue into another AVP movie down the line, sort of like a cliff hanger.

Excellent special effects.

luv4u said:

The woman is Miss "Yutani" from the corporation that is mentioned in the original Alien series "Weylan-Yutani". Remember Weylan was the guy in the first AVP to discover the site.

Weylan-Yutani is the company that sent to the spaceship Ripley was on to search the Alien site.

Cloudbuster said:

Dude, when I get to England you and me are gonna film an Ass-burster scene!

Imago said:

megaloposises

Anxiety said:

This factor could effect reception of film. Possibly.[b]

um, did we really think this film was going to be a winner???

Imago said:

Ohhhhh yeahhhhh!!!