it's not that i don't always..
but it's been a bit over a month since i've been home
and things are different but the same...it's hard to elaborate much more than that...
i stick to myself because i have nothing to say that would interest them (mother, father, sister, the occasional brother that'll pop in from time to time)
like today for instance:

they all went out and didnt ask if i wanted to come (i was in bed but i never mind when they wake me up for that, and they know this)..so i was home, had my own little dance party, whatever.
they come home and i went down to greet them like always, and they didnt say much to me, and as much as i tried to come up with something to say i had nothing...i felt like my being there with them as they gushed about their adventures in shopping was futile...so i retreated to my room

i get called down like 20 minutes later and my mom questions my absence and i say that i had nothing to say and they weren't making much of an effort to include me so i went upstairs - it wasn't that it was a negative thing, but i felt - for the first time ever - uncomfortable being there...is that strange? i don't know... so she said ok, and i went back upstairs

and i hear my sister say as i closed my door "it's probably because she's been away for so long"

so does she have a point? i mean i've been home for about 2 weeks now and the first week i guess was the honey moon phase, everyone was happy and loveydovey...
2nd week, my mom wakes me up screaming at me for something i was upset about and expressed to my dad, hoping he wouldn't say anything (it was something about the one brother i don't speak to anymore, long story short, he wrote me off)
and well he did... and since then i haven't really felt like i belonged here anymore...
two of my siblings were here today and i kinda made a point to go downstairs so i can say hey, we had 3 siblings in the same room for once! but i didn't feel like i was apart of it at all...i don't feel apart of the family anymore.

i guess i just needed to vent, and i don't mind if no one posts, i just needed to get it out there.

I spent 2.t weeks lugging my mom around Europe this year.

It was torture at some points. I appreciated that she was a good sport about all the traveling we did.

But I'm just not a family person. It can be torture.

i always feel like that when i'm home after being at school. it sucks. especially because i've lost most of the snottiness i had as a teenager so now when my family fights at all i get really upset but have to hide it.

Imago said:

i dont know if i could ever manage that

and i appreciate them all in their own right (minus the brothers)
but sometimes i feel like im that puzzle piece that fits well enough, but its from another box and you just have jam it in there to make it work

man that was bad.

evenstar said:

yeah i feel like i have to hide it now
or else they all get WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM SAM?!
it's ass... i hate it.


i feel like the misfit!

I don't fit in with my family or my husbands family. Especially after I stopped going to my In-Law's church. SO I know how it feels to be a misfit in a family.

EverSoulicious said:

i think the last straw with them was when i wanted to be an artist
none of them can relate to any of it (i think they can but they don't want to) so they just kind of ignore me when i start talking about something i value..

I spent years feeling uncomfortable around my family. I've only recently gotten back into a place where it's actually enjoyable again. I'm not quite the black sheep, but I simply have very little in common with any of them, save for the fact I grew up with/am related to them.

Hopefully, it gets better in time.

CarrieMpls said:

thanks
i think it just shocked me because it all kind of happened at once - the whole realization... it's hard

sammij said:

yeah! i was always the bad kid in our family, but then my sister decided to start acting bitchy too and now things are a total screwed-up mess.

let's run away and be misfits together, k?

sammij said:

It IS hard. Family is "supposed" to be the one place that feels like home, right? That's what we're told. When it's not, it's a big adjustment. It can make you question everything.

sammij said:

I got the same treatment when I said I wanted to do hair family sucks
[Edited 12/17/07 13:29pm]

evenstar said:

let's do it
first stop: brazil.


funny thing i was always the good kid, i didn't fuck up half as much as the other 5 and now i'm the least liked my family is SO backwards.

EverSoulicious said:

it does!
my sister was an AMAZING artist when she was about 16 (better than i am) and she wanted to do either that or makeup artistry in school and my mom refused to help her with tuition..

..so she settled for what my mom wanted her to do - nursing.
now she's a health care aid (not even a nurse) and she's pretty much miserable. And all her talent as an artist are gone, she can't draw worth anything anymore.

and apparently that is the way to go in life according to my mom i don't understand it!
her and my mom get along famously now

so i guess i have to be over 30 for my parents to really appreciate me

sammij said:

Alot of it does have to do with being away for so long.
Nothing stays the same, and it may be more indicative of your place in life than it is in theirs. The first couple of years of college can completely transform a person, or expand your world, and you can't just go home alot of times and slide back into the same groove you were in before you left.


Whenever I attend a family vacation consisting of my Mom, uncle and aunt, sister and cousins, I'm very much out of place.

I don't share any of their political views so we can't discuss current events without an undercurrent of tension. I'm a bit brighter than they are so it's hard for me to relate to the football game or shopping, etc. etc.
And, I'm fiercely jealous of my private life so I don't share any of that with them either. It causes a bit of tension in the group.
I get along with all of them so long as they let me have my space. During their usual cookouts, etc. etc., I sometimes retire to a room in the house to surf the Internet or listen to music.

This in no way means I don't still love them for who they are, but it just means, we don't have to have any in common if we're family. Sometimes, it's ok not to fit in. The trick is finding a way to make that comfortable amongst everybody.

Imago said:

i think my sticking to myself was a good thing, like what you mentioned

and i try to explain, especially to my parents, that it's not that i don't want to hang out with them it's just i dont have anything in common with what they enjoy doing (watching WAY too much tv, more specifically, football and reality TV) and just knowing they're in the house is so much comfort for me
i would just rather listen to some good music and chill out

i'm working on some kind of family dynamic that works though...i don't want to be totally knocked out of fam.

sammij said:

That is too bad about your sister not liking her job. My family wanted me to be a nurse too( how weird ) Life is too short not to love what you do. Keep on the path you are on now. I bet your family will come around when they see how happy you are. Mine is getting there, I mean I went back to school at 35, finished at 36 and I love my job. I go to work everyday excited to be there. I thought it would go away after a month or so, but working at this place for 8 months and doing hair for over a year, I can't believe I still love it. I just wished I hadn't wasted so many years. DO NOT MAKE that same mistake.

CarrieMpls said:

That's very true. I must say I rarely do enjoy family time a lot.

CarrieMpls said:

(i just saw this post!)

i've been questioning a LOT lately, about each family member...and where i fit into the equation.

it doesn't help that im the youngest (the next sibling up being 31 in a few days) i guess that's my problem right there... they've all been through the growing up and changing bit, and now they have their own kids to deal with that are about to start the same thing, so they don't really want to be bothered with me.

sammij said:

you're awesome for going after what you want regardless. i'm lucky that my parents like the field i picked (even though it's not exactly the most practical one ), but they're putting a ton of pressure on my sister to either stop focusing on dance or double major in something like pre-law as well.

EverSoulicious said:

it's never a mistake
its a learning experience, don't regret it, what if you had done it "the way it's supposed to be done" (whatever that means!)
you may not have been so happy now

just another perspective for you - i'm happy you're happy at your job, that should your main focus!
that deffinitely gives me hope for my future

Serious said:

sammij said:

True! I probably wouldn't have appreciate it as much back then as I did last year.

evenstar said:

if your sister is an amazing dancer she could have a very awesome future in it
make sure you let her know that in the end it's what you're happy about doing with your life and not how much money you're making - as nice as it would be

i just dont think the money would make my being miserable doing something i hate any less bearable

EverSoulicious said:

things fall into place where they're supposed to provided there aren't outside influences

sammij said:

sammij said:

I think I just stopped listening to outside influences, but again true.

sammij said:

that's what i think too. and yeah, i always have, i used to drive her to lessons when our parents wouldn't.

evenstar said:

that's bad! my parents are the same
i ALWAYS wanted to dance as a child and they say that i never showed interest so they never signed me up
oh well
up to last night my dad was saying how he wished i was in nursing, and blah blah blah

sammij said:

is your mom a nurse or something? mine is, and it's a hard job.