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Head of the Household So anyways, not too long ago, this woman, a real sweetheart, named Leslie was speaking about her children and how much she liked them at work.
She's one of those people who are just sincere and one tends immediately like her. She shares her hard times as well as her good times, and never puts on a front. Just an impossible person to dislike. But she brought up the fact that one of the boys got detention in school, and she came up with a punishment for him. Then her husband suggested something different. Here's where the conversation got morbid. She then proceeded to proclaim that she and her husband went into another room and quietly discussed the appropriate punishment. The reason why they didn't do it in front of the children, was that they both wanted the kids to know that the husband was the head of the household. That he was the rule of law, and so they agreed early on that she would never publicly undermine his "authority". This included disagreeing with him in front of the kids. She was quite proud of this proclamation and said it with such earnestness and sincerity that I almost wanted to call up my ex girlfriend and boss her around  . But seriously, I was disturbed by that.
Do you believe there is a "head" of the household? 
I just find this concept to be so outdated and damaging. It teaches women (who I would imagine 9 times out of 10 are NOT the "head" of he household), that there is a pecking order the must abide by. Doesn't this stiffle creative thinking and affect self-esteem? MODS: I understand religious aspects can get brought up or even political ones, but I do not feel this is a P&R style thread. grammar edit [Edited 12/17/07 20:47pm] | |
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wrong forum 
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Anxiety said: wrong forum
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at my house, either of us makes the rules, and the other is the back up. If I say something to the kids, the master makes sure the kids listen, with force if necessary  | |
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actually, by "wrong forum", i meant that's what i would have said to the woman at work, but i get creeped out really easily when co-workers start talking about their personal shit. unless i've really bonded with a co-worker as a friend outside of the workplace, i don't want to know about their personal business when i'm on the clock. for one thing, a workplace brings people from all different backgrounds under one roof, and while that might be all "yay rah for diversity" and whatnot, what i might consider perfectly rational someone else might consider a travesty (or vice versa).
i don't want to know about my co-workers' political views, their religious views, or any of their various and sundry romantic and/or family dramas. i usually end up having to hear the shit anyway, whether i want to or not.  | |
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Imago said: So anyways, not too long ago, this woman, a real sweetheart, named Leslie was speaking about her children and how much she liked them at work.
She's one of those people who are just sincere and one tends immediately like her. She shares her hard times as well as her good times, and never puts on a front. Just an impossible person to dislike. But she brought up the fact that one of the boys got detention in school, and she came up with a punishment for him. Then her husband suggested something different. Here's where the conversation got morbid. She then proceeded to proclaim that she and her husband went into another room and quietly discussed the appropriate punishment. The reason why they didn't do it in front of the children, was that they both wanted the kids to know that the husband was the head of the household. That he was the rule of law, and so they agreed early on that she would never publicly undermine his "authority". This included disagreeing with him in front of the kids. She was quite proud of this proclamation and said it with such earnestness and sincerity that I almost wanted to call up my ex girlfriend and boss her around . But seriously, I was disturbed by that.
Do you believe there is a "head" of the household?
I just find this concept to be so outdated and damaging. It teaches women (who I would imagine 9 times out of 10 are NOT the "head" of he household), that there is a pecking order the must abide by. Doesn't this stiffle creative thinking and affect self-esteem? MODS: I understand religious aspects can get brought up or even political ones, but I do not feel this is a P&R style thread. grammar edit [Edited 12/17/07 20:47pm] did she wear pants or a kinky mini? having said that, a very interesting topic, which leads me to believe I am alot saner than i thought and recalls alot of situations i was in, with colleagues and friends, where a discussion would break into an argument, and as a guest of the host, i would excuse myself and run to the nearest closet If it were not for insanity, I would be sane.
"True to his status as the last enigma in music, Prince crashed into London this week in a ball of confusion" The Times 2014 | |
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ZombieKitten said: at my house, either of us makes the rules, and the other is the back up. If I say something to the kids, the master makes sure the kids listen, with force if necessary
Do you disagree in front of the kids? If not, why not? Is it just that you repsect each other's methods, ideas, etc.? If so, how do you handle it? I know imbalances in relationships exist--it just strikes me as completely odd when they're institutionalized in societies that cherish supposed equality. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable talking to Leslie afterwords, like she was drinking tainted Kool Aide or something. | |
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Anxiety said: actually, by "wrong forum", i meant that's what i would have said to the woman at work, but i get creeped out really easily when co-workers start talking about their personal shit. unless i've really bonded with a co-worker as a friend outside of the workplace, i don't want to know about their personal business when i'm on the clock. for one thing, a workplace brings people from all different backgrounds under one roof, and while that might be all "yay rah for diversity" and whatnot, what i might consider perfectly rational someone else might consider a travesty (or vice versa).
i don't want to know about my co-workers' political views, their religious views, or any of their various and sundry romantic and/or family dramas. i usually end up having to hear the shit anyway, whether i want to or not. If I was your co-worker, I'd break out the Peabo Byrson CDs (I'd have to obtain some first), and play them constantly. | |
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Imago said: ZombieKitten said: at my house, either of us makes the rules, and the other is the back up. If I say something to the kids, the master makes sure the kids listen, with force if necessary
Do you disagree in front of the kids? If not, why not? Is it just that you repsect each other's methods, ideas, etc.? If so, how do you handle it? I know imbalances in relationships exist--it just strikes me as completely odd when they're institutionalized in societies that cherish supposed equality. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable talking to Leslie afterwords, like she was drinking tainted Kool Aide or something. we have disagreed in front of them, mostly over little things, we sort it out in front of them too. We don't usually disagree though, neither of us is the soft option, so our kids know if one says no, the other one is even more likely to say no  | |
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Imago said: Anxiety said: actually, by "wrong forum", i meant that's what i would have said to the woman at work, but i get creeped out really easily when co-workers start talking about their personal shit. unless i've really bonded with a co-worker as a friend outside of the workplace, i don't want to know about their personal business when i'm on the clock. for one thing, a workplace brings people from all different backgrounds under one roof, and while that might be all "yay rah for diversity" and whatnot, what i might consider perfectly rational someone else might consider a travesty (or vice versa).
i don't want to know about my co-workers' political views, their religious views, or any of their various and sundry romantic and/or family dramas. i usually end up having to hear the shit anyway, whether i want to or not. If I was your co-worker, I'd break out the Peabo Byrson CDs (I'd have to obtain some first), and play them constantly. if i were your co-worker, i'd talk constantly about my gasto-intestinal health issues and read to you from my BM diary. | |
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its sad that she's proud of doing something so outdated and doesn't really believe in in the first place (otherwise they wouldn't negotiate behind closed doors). the only reason I would see parents going behind closed doors is to avoid arguing in front of the kids.
kinda creepy that they are basically teaching something to the kids that she doesn't really believe in just to feed his ego  | |
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Anxiety said: Imago said: If I was your co-worker, I'd break out the Peabo Byrson CDs (I'd have to obtain some first), and play them constantly. if i were your co-worker, i'd talk constantly about my gasto-intestinal health issues and read to you from my BM diary. I'd leave your voicemail at work my rendition of Geoffrey Osborne's "woo woo" song. | |
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what if she belongs to a religion that teaches women that it's a point of pride to defer to your husband as the man of the household, and that value should also be passed on to children? to a lot of us, that sounds like a backwards way to think, but depending on one's convictions, it could be a deeply held belief. and who can judge that kind of thing?
see, that's exactly why i hate dragging out personal stuff at work.  | |
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heybaby said: its sad that she's proud of doing something so outdated and doesn't really believe in in the first place (otherwise they wouldn't negotiate behind closed doors). the only reason I would see parents going behind closed doors is to avoid arguing in front of the kids.
kinda creepy that they are basically teaching something to the kids that she doesn't really believe in just to feed his ego I'm not that kind of man though 
I love my women to curse at me and call me obscenities in front of people, or even children who aren't even my own! | |
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It's interesting to me that they go into another room to discuss the incident -- which means they both have input and come to an agreement -- and then they put up a front that the man is the rule of law. Now if he was really the rule of law, and she had no input whatsoever and had to cowtow to all that he did and said, then I would be very disturbed. But as it is, it seems to be a structured parenting method to provide consistency and discipline.
Sure it's a foreign concept to me, but I would have much preferred that than the constant screaming and extreme verbal abuse I had to listen to for years.  | |
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I think kids realize at a very young age that Mom is in control of everything. The parents seem to be the ones believing the farce. The Most Important Thing In Life Is Sincerity....Once You Can Fake That, You Can Fake Anything. |
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There's always a dominant partner in a realtionship, and that may be for the entirety of the relationship or it could last for 5 minutes or it could apply only to specific parts of the relationship.
And it is true that parents shouldn't argue about punishment or disagree about it in front of the children. Or give different punishments. As for "head of the household," if that's how they want to live, what's the problem? "Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you." - Kahlil Gibran | |
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I'm the head of the family, but Mon's prettier.
We share responsibilities like a true 00's couple. | |
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She just proved that he wasn't the rule of law because they discussed it  a real "head" would have made the decision without discussing it with her | |
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heartbeatocean said: It's interesting to me that they go into another room to discuss the incident -- which means they both have input and come to an agreement -- and then they put up a front that the man is the rule of law. Now if he was really the rule of law, and she had no input whatsoever and had to cowtow to all that he did and said, then I would be very disturbed. But as it is, it seems to be a structured parenting method to provide consistency and discipline.
Sure it's a foreign concept to me, but I would have much preferred that than the constant screaming and extreme verbal abuse I had to listen to for years. It could work as a good cop, bad cop kinda thing. My parents pretty much had that strategy, or maybe it wasn't quite so deliberately conceived as all that and my mother was just a bit of soft touch compared to my father. | |
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Imago said: heybaby said: its sad that she's proud of doing something so outdated and doesn't really believe in in the first place (otherwise they wouldn't negotiate behind closed doors). the only reason I would see parents going behind closed doors is to avoid arguing in front of the kids.
kinda creepy that they are basically teaching something to the kids that she doesn't really believe in just to feed his ego I'm not that kind of man though
I love my women to curse at me and call me obscenities in front of people, or even children who aren't even my own! That must be the farang in you, not the Thai.
We can never be together.  | |
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Imago said: Anxiety said: if i were your co-worker, i'd talk constantly about my gasto-intestinal health issues and read to you from my BM diary. I'd leave your voicemail at work my rendition of Geoffrey Osborne's "woo woo" song. 
:::Can ya woo woo wooo:::  surviving on the thought of loving you, it's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years... | |
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I can understand why this subject could be confusing for you Dan given your sitting on the fence as to whether you are male or female  | |
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lazycrockett said: I think kids realize at a very young age that Mom is in control of everything. The parents seem to be the ones believing the farce.
The men do as well, most are just in a deep state of denial!
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My parents used to discuss an appropriate punishment or regulation in private as well. But I would never EVER find out who made the final decision. It was THEM who decided what was appropriate. Even in questions like: "Can I stay out a little later" or whatever permission my sister and I were asking for.
When it came to big financial decisions, it mostly was my father who made the final decision, but never without consulting with mom. Think about buying a new car or something. In these situations my mother trusted my fathers knowledge about what was best. So in that case my father was most definately the Head of the Household, but that was never really a different kind of respect he got from mom. My parents were and still are equal and respect each other and my sister and I as such. They raised us with the idea that the four of us are a TEAM. We all have to help out. We all have to be respected, so a freedom of speech was more liberal than you'll ever find in any country. Knowing no other way, and looking at it from a logical point, I agree with the way they handled any situation in my childhood. | |
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its not the fact that they discuss it in private but why they discuss it in private. but to each its own | |
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heybaby said: its not the fact that they discuss it in private but why they discuss it in private. but to each its own
My father always told me: "If you have kids, they don't need to be around decision-making-processes. You see, kids do what works. As soon as they find out that mom is the one who says "yes" a lot, and dad doesn't, then they WILL try and only get mom's permission. If you discuss matters in sight of the kids, they will see who disagrees and why. Especially when parents are in a heated discussion where they really care about their own view on the matter. It is none of their business." | |
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I sure hope she doesn't have any daughters. That's great that they talked out what to do about their son but what I don't agree with is the whole "dad is the boss of the house" message they want to send to their kids. What is mom, then? The chef? The maid? The nurse?
I think it's better to show kids that parenting is a cooperative effort between two mature adults rather than Man is king of it all crap. | |
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It's bullshit, plain and simple. The very idea that one spouse should rule over the other by effect of what does or doesn't dangle between their legs is ludicrous. "A Watcher scoffs at gravity!" | |
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Imago said: So anyways, not too long ago, this woman, a real sweetheart, named Leslie was speaking about her children and how much she liked them at work.
She's one of those people who are just sincere and one tends immediately like her. She shares her hard times as well as her good times, and never puts on a front. Just an impossible person to dislike. But she brought up the fact that one of the boys got detention in school, and she came up with a punishment for him. Then her husband suggested something different. Here's where the conversation got morbid. She then proceeded to proclaim that she and her husband went into another room and quietly discussed the appropriate punishment. The reason why they didn't do it in front of the children, was that they both wanted the kids to know that the husband was the head of the household. That he was the rule of law, and so they agreed early on that she would never publicly undermine his "authority". This included disagreeing with him in front of the kids. She was quite proud of this proclamation and said it with such earnestness and sincerity that I almost wanted to call up my ex girlfriend and boss her around . But seriously, I was disturbed by that.
Do you believe there is a "head" of the household?
I just find this concept to be so outdated and damaging. It teaches women (who I would imagine 9 times out of 10 are NOT the "head" of he household), that there is a pecking order the must abide by. Doesn't this stiffle creative thinking and affect self-esteem? MODS: I understand religious aspects can get brought up or even political ones, but I do not feel this is a P&R style thread. grammar edit [Edited 12/17/07 20:47pm] I didn't read all this but I appreciate the time you spent on it Dan | |
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