So everyone....I need to know, why do men do things like this....

Andy calls me today, tells me he misses me, tells me he loves me, but has to remind me we can't be together because his parents wouldn't approve. He tells me he can't sleep, can't eat.

And the whole time I am crying! So now I feel like I have taken 10 steps back.

he needs to stop contacting you if there can't be any resolution.

why would you want someone who is not his own person, and lives life according to his parents, and not what is good for himself?


get over it Moni, there's far better out there for you.

I am sorry this is a tough time for you. I do not agree with his parents' stance, nor do I respect it.

Hope that doesn't start WWIII. I wish only the best for you.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are his parents dictating his life??

BlackAdder7 said:

Moni, just don't answer his calls. He ended it, so he needs to stop.

thekidsgirl said:

Because Andy is the only and oldest son in an Asian family. He has to carry on the family name etc..something he can't do with me.

jess555ja said:

I know..but when I got the text..that said can I call you, my heart fell into my stomach. I wanted to hear his voice so bad.

MoniGram said:

Next time tell him you'll have to call him back in a few hours after you are done making love to your new stud boyfriend!

Kidding aside, it sounds like he does genuinely care for you and is torn. But he made his decision to not put you first and now he has to live with it.

Sowhat said:

I so wish I could say that.

MoniGram said:

He wants to have his cake and eat it, whatever you do...don't meet him!
You'll end up in a worse state then you are now.

jess555ja said:

Yep...the only way to get over him is to cut him off. I know it's easier said than done though...

MoniGram said:

I am not sure why he is doing this have you asked him why ?

Do you feel he is wanting different then what his parents expect of him - meaning does he want to be with you but allows his parents wishes to run his ship ?

What a tough situation for you - and perhaps for him as well

I think it's good that you're talking to him. The breakup seems to have happened so sudden that I think you need some time let it all sink in, in order to get over it, and being able to discuss what happened helps in a process like that. Clean breaks with no explanations can cause distress and speculation for years.

change your home and cell phone numbers.

MoniGram said:

Ohh, I'm so sorry you are in such a difficult situation!
Like some others have said, you should try to avoid contact with him because its only going to make things harder for you in the end.

sammij said:

Immediately

I think it's really easy for us to give advice when we're not the ones in the situation...Moni, I'm not gonna tell you to not talk to him, to get over him, or to move on...all those things are easier said than done...he obviously still cares or else he wouldn't have called...regardless of how he handled things, his situation seems shitty too...as crazy as it sounds, maybe take some comfort in knowing that he is suffering too...If any of us could say the right thing to make you happy again, I know we all would...but just go with your feelings...if you wanna hold on for the chance that y'all may get back together then do it...if you wanna move on and look for happiness, then do it...either way, I wish you the best

jess555ja said:

Yup.
Hard as it is to do, it's what you need to do to get some space and start to heal.

retina said:

I agree - it feels like perhaps there needs to be some sort of transformation in the relationship even if its to end - a better understanding may come from long talks about the real whys it can't work

roodboi said:

Wow.I'd just stop taking his calls.

Mach said:

I'm glad you understand and agree. I'd rather go through a breakup with you than with one of those who wouldn't even pick up the phone. lol

retina said:

I just think it is important to communicate - even if it's a break up or misunderstanding. Maybe even more so if it's an ending so that there can be a deeper level of understanding why it could not work and so that healing can happen with more ease- instead of being stuck in the assumpition game of what ifs

Mach said:

My sentiments exactly.

it may feel like 10 steps back but you've already gone 12 steps forward.
and so it goes. you move back and forth but in the end you are moving forward and that's what counts. talking is good, as long as it's on your terms. emotion is good as it validates what you had. anger is good too. and so is space. just processing all the thoughts and feelings is helpful.

ThreadCula said:

yup

Sometimes I think there are people who just like emotionally dumping. They don't really want anything, they just don't want to have to deal with their own feelings so they dump so another person has to deal with the emotional burden and they get to feel better. I have someone in my life like, been there a long , long time, been trying to get away from them but due to a mutual tie it's been nearly impossible, but freedom is on the horizon.

liberation said:

Well I dont' think I can meet him. That is for sure! Hell hearing his voice made my heart fall into my stomach...seeing him would surely break me!