ok here is my issue...help me out here.



(insering my .50 for advice)

I have been datingthis nice cute guy named Antoin (Antwan). He is very charming...very loving and very "new" to relationships with men. He is kinda just becoming open to having someone with the same sex. I have been seeing him since...June this year.

Only there is one problem.


2 months ago I went to my friends party. She told me that someone was coming to the party who was interested in me. So Im like..oh whatever..I dont even care if he's cute I'm not doing anything. After he comes in...Im NOT impressed at all by this dude.
When I asked him his name he said , "P.J.".

Years ago when I first moved to Minneapolis. One of my frist friends ever was by the same name. We used to fight, hang out...and...hump eachother while playing tag in the dark This was in 1993. We moved from the duplex in 1994..and after we had a huge fight I never saw him or spoke to him again.

Guess what?

Here he is in my face....asking me about my mother, my brother... this strange dude all of a sudden became a whole painting of a lost friendship. We talked all night long and promised to stay in contact. Well we stayed in contact all right. We have been tight with eachother ever since.

Things are getting heavy now. I thinkin about tellin Antoin I been cheatin on him. There are things about both of em I dont like, but the biggest thing for me is that I couldnt even get an erection with Antoin the last time I saw him. PJ...I have such an attraction to even tho he's not cute, but for the simple fact that we had established a friendship 13 years ago attracts me more.

IM SO CONFUSED!!!

paisleypark4 said:

I like the cartoon piece u inserted on your post, thats cute adding Charlie Brown like that! Weren't you the one who liked Hulk Hogan son and Timberland If thats the case you should go with the unattractive one cause you would not have to worry about anyone else hitting on him!!

cheeseburger said:

do what you think is right .... and use protection with both.

While either will probably end up like most relationships (over in a maelstrom of drama, recriminations and lawsuits), if you insist on being involved with another human being in such a manner, you have to give both of them the 411.

and you come here for relationship counseling?

sorry had to do it.

btw you can't do both. if you do be honest with both as Ace said. if you decide to let one go, choose the one who makes you happy. looks have nothing to do with it dear.

I truly would need more info for a more intelligent assessment. But I'm gonna just put it out there as I understand it, because you asked...

Break up with Antoin... not because he's not good for you, but because you don't seem good for him. Your attraction to him seems superficial, based perhaps on novelty, and gradually waning. Neither of you needs to remain on that sinking ship... especially him if he's in a sort of formative stage in his own sexual identity.

Next, you need to really assess this thing you have with P.J. Is history the only thing that binds you? You already have little physical connection to him, so what happens when those fights start to kick in again, and the romance of having found a lost toy wears off?

In both these relationships, your bond seems perhaps lacking to support a viable, healthy coupling. You've implied only a sort of visceral charm and the ability to have sex as what interests you (assuming the "cheating" you cite is also physical). And in neither relationship have you implied they are getting anything above these things from you. If having a glorified f***bud is cool for the parties involved so be it, but don't add baggage to people's future love lives by pretending these arrangements are anything more.

I'd only add you might consider that sex ain't particularly helping matters here. Not only does it compound what you suggest might be felt as infidelity, but it's kinda tacky... and frankly dangerous nowadays. Quit playing yourself out, bruh.

Lammastide said:

That is not a lie at all....not . at. all.... matter of fact u have basically read my mind on all of this...

write more when i get home

SOunds like you like PJ more and you connect with him in ways you can't with Antoin. Notice when you said there are things you don't like about both and you pretty much mentioned Antoin.

You need to probably break it off with Antoin and tell him why. You also need to tell PJ what's been going on. And you know in the end, it's not looks that matter, but the connection.

superspaceboy said:

Well...PJ drinks like 3 tiems a week.

Antoin...likes being a "bottom" in bed..something i can't really do all the time...i guess would be his only fault.

PJ knows about Antoin already, and its hurting him more and more. Antoin knows about our friendship...but that's about it...they have even spoke 2 eachother.

Im bad aint ? I think I'm at my wits end. I really dont wanna be with anyone

Ace said:

Oh I've been to court b4 about one relationship

Antoin is in the formative stages of accepting his sexual orientation, so if you're NICE, you'll break it off with him WITHOUT telling him you cheated on him (I assume you are talking about a sexual relationship with PJ when you mention cheating). Dude doesn't need to hear the first guy he liked screwed around. The breakup will be hard enough.

But yeah, you've got to do it. Cheating is just not cool, period.
[Edited 11/27/07 13:29pm]

Have integrity and treat people how you would want to be treated.

...one quick disclosure, This thread was started by PaisleyPark4, who is a male. NOT by PaisleyPark5083, who is female. I am getting some wierd orgnotes.

carry on.

...one quick disclosure, This thread was started by PaisleyPark4, who is a male. NOT by PaisleyPark5083, who is female. I am getting some wierd orgnotes.

carry on.

VoicesCarry said:

I should just say...yeah I really havent recovered from my last one..i want to just be coo for now...I did tell him I can't handle commitment already. And that I dont love as hard as I used to anymore. Men kinda numb me now after dealing with 3 long term relationships

paisleypark4 said:

Sounds like you sould break it off with both, if you don't want to be with anyone.

PaisleyPark5083 said:

superspaceboy said:

Easy to say, and very hard to do. I have to get the courage

PaisleyPark5083 said:

PaisleyPark5083 said:

THANK YOU guys