Three F's...

damn I am glad that I can cook...

shanti0608 said:

You think I'm kidding...but it took me a long time to figure that out.

evenstar said:

It's one of those "do-it-in-your-own-time-and-want-to-do-it-well" things (or, as I call them "diiyotawtdiw" - pronounced "Dee-yo-tawt-id-ew") - once you start properly researching to fill in your gaps you plug all the holes and it makes sense and becomes interesting. Bastard course making me like it.

sorry, its unattractive if you feel its okay to just let yourself go, especially around the age 30. wtf?

I found the one, so now im gonna be a slob and he/she will be fine with it, because he/she loves me, yeah right.

horatio said:

the thing is that he should change for himself if he chooses to, not her, or he could resent her for it.

evenstar said:

Damn you for not being a 6'5" hairy gay hueyfucker.

horatio said:

the thing is that he should change for himself if he chooses to, not her, or he could resent her for it.

Oh, I know this woman. She's a dyed-in-the-wool obsessive perfectionist -- and she thinks everyone else should be like her.

Look at me, everybody! I'm so smart and pretty...any man would be lucky to have me! I work out. I make a lot of money. I'm a man's diamond. Blah blah blah.

Maybe the man in question doesn't want a diamond. All that being perfect she does? That ain't about him. It's about her. By making all that money herself, by spending all that time in the gym herself, she hasn't left him anything.

I would be willing to bet she's bought herself diamonds in the five years they've been together. And that ring thing is him saying, "You already have diamonds, so what's one more? I can't give you anything you can't get (or haven't already gotten) for yourself."

This woman has two degrees and is climbing the corporate ladder? How often do you suppose she's cooked a nice dinner for him in five years? Sat around in sweats with him on the weekend and let him watch football or basketball?

Here's a news flash for all the women out there: Men (in general) need to be needed. They want to take care of a woman. And the traditional way for them to do that is financial. Even if you make a lot of money, you need to leave him something -- make him feel like he's top dog in some way. And it needs to be a way that's important to him -- not a way that's important to you.

Men aren't that complicated. It's about what I call "the three Fs." Feed 'im, fuck 'im, let 'im watch football.

Her last question says it all, "Or do I try and get him to understand how I feel so that we can be on one accord?" It's all about her...and about getting him to live his life her way.

I hope he dumps her narcissistic ass.

Genesia said:

Alright, just cause a woman is successful does not mean she doesn't give of herself to partner and I have no idea what her cooking a meal for him has to do with anything. After 5 years, I'm sure they've both cooked for each other.

And why shouldn't she buy herself things? There's nothing wrong with rewarding yourself for your success.

And just because you're not someone who ever just lay around in sweats and watches sports on the weekends doesn't mean you can never keep a man. There are plenty of men who don't pay much attention to sports, or don't care if their partner doesn't watch with them. Having different hobbies is a great way to spend time apart. I can't imagine spending every waking moment with someone. And sweatpants are gross.

And I don't see that having expectations out of a partner or a relationship is narcissistic at all.

As for the situation, I think she needs to apologize for being such a bitch about how she expressed her frustrations and explain her motives and they need to sit down and talk about what they expect from each other and what they want from a marriage. And if they can work out that they want the same things mostly overall, then great. If they don't, then it's time to move on.

CarrieMpls said:

Wow. You put a lot of words in my mouth!

For example...I don't mean sweats literally. It could be jeans or whatever someone wears when they're relaxing. I don't own a pair of sweats. It was just a "fer instance." As was the reference to sports. What I meant was that she should take an interest in what interests him -- whatever that may be. You know, make time for him. Boost his ego a bit.

I didn't say she shouldn't buy things for herself. But I have actually been told by a man, "You never give me a chance to get anything for you." Go ahead and buy yourself a fancy pair of sunglasses or a new pair of shoes. But leave the diamonds (at least) to him.

Cooking a meal for him is a catch-all for simply taking care of him. Personally, I think there are few things more intimate or caring than feeding someone. But if you don't want to cook, fine.

The bottom line is, what is she giving to him? We all know what she wants and what she expects, but what does she give?

She's 27 and hot shit now. But just wait until she gets her first wrinkle and the grays start coming and her clock is ticking and she's still waiting for Mr. Perfect.

Trust me. I have been this woman.

Genesia said:

Well, we don't know. Cause she doesn't say.
It appears she thinks she's giving him something by staying in shape, etc. and she's obviously allowed him to give her things like romantic weekend getaways. Those are mentioned.

As for the rest, we don't know enough by what's in one little letter.

CarrieMpls said:

But the staying in shape isn't really for him. It's for her. I'm tellin' ya -- she's an overprocessed cardio bunny. I can feel it coming through loud and clear. She pounds the treadmill like she pounded the books for those two degrees. Anyone who talks about having "wasted [her] splendor" on someone she supposedly loves is not a person who is doing it for him.

She says the problems started with the proposal. I think they started a long time before that -- but she was too busy preening to notice.

Genesia said:

i think problems in relationships in general start way earlier than most people realize.

evenstar said:

As with the revolutions of 1848, all that's needed is a trigger.

benyamin said:

After all this studying in a few years time it will be you posting this shit about laurel

mdiver said:

NEVER LAUREL AND I ARE PERFECT LIKE RAINBOWS AND BUNNIES.

benyamin said:

After all this studying in a few years time it will be you posting this shit about laurel

mdiver said:

FUCK YOU I AM (somewhat) THIN.

evenstar said:

"report to moderator"

mdiver said:

OMG phil i see by your profile pic that you CLEARLY you have no experience being a woman so how dare you act like you know anything about being female so STOP TALKING TO ME

mdiver said:

NEVER LAUREL AND I ARE PERFECT LIKE RAINBOWS AND BUNNIES.

evenstar said:

You're a cunt!

at least she can get married.

I swear that a man wrote this just to see what women would say to another woman about this kind of thing.

mdiver said:

OMG phil i see by your profile pic that you CLEARLY you have no experience being a woman so how dare you act like you know anything about being female so STOP TALKING TO ME