my father passed away on thursday. but i am not sad. haven't cried nor do i think i will. because though he was not in my life for the last part of it, i was blessed enough to have been able to share this last year and a half with him. seeing my mother take care of him 24/7 for the last year, after all they went through was quite the eye opener. i didn't think i could gain anymore respect for my mother before this...and again she has taught me another lesson.
i've been using laughter to get through some of the confusion. but again i feel no sadness. i admit it's all a bit bittersweet, but what had to be said was said, and what had to be done was done. it is what it is.

i'm proud that he will be remembered with honours during his service which we are still planning. his friend, my mother and i, have decided on a celebration of life and not a ceremony of mourning. because he wouldn't have wanted that either. i am still amazed at how God continues to work when you think he's not. i can't even begin to tell you how things have unfolded in the last year. especially when i was unaware of it all. but when you stop, sit in silence and overlook it...you will see that NOTHING is coincidence. it's almost scary what you learn in times like these. lol!!

i won't get too personal, but i will say this. you do have the ability to heal yourself and others fron the past. words are powerful. even when you think some things are beyond repair, you just might surprise yourself. it's funny what things or situations you find your strength in. this is not about me...for i would never take someone's passing on and use it for a purpose of vanity.
when someone passes on, we tend to say I miss them, I want them here, I,I,I,... lol. Hmmmm remember YOU are still here. You still have life on this planet. you are blessed in ways beyond human comprehension. so it's ok to shed a few tears and Lord knows my mother has shed enough in the last couple days for all of us.

so remember to celebrate the life you have, and of those around you, everyday. all the little petty shit doesn't matter. what happened 15 years ago or yesterday. leave all that stuff right there in the fucking past and move on.

something ORG related i found out a couple months ago. my father was a huge PRINCE fan. LOL...he told me that out of everybody out there right now that Prince was the best. (no dad..it's MADONNA) i thought. but i wasn't in the mood to get have my father go upside my head either. so i think i'll play him a Prince song or two for his special day. and his favourite female singers are Anita Baker and Toni Braxton. Umm hello..MADONNA, KYLIE anyone?!?! WTF

and finally...MEN please, please, please check yourselves. my father passed away of prostate cancer. and he was/is YOUNG. be it his stubborness, or machismo, or something else; i still feel he would be here because very few men pass from this. from my understanding. til his last breath he said he'd be fine. early detection is not the key...but early action is. watching someone pass from cancer or anything is never the prettiest sight. but i must say my mamà took such good care of him that when he let go while holding her hand, he looked like he was sleeping.

so thanks for the good times and even the not so good times. i don't miss you, because it's not a good-bye, i know right where you are. and in who's hands you reside. but while you're looking down on me...try to over look some of the things i may do that you never knew of remember..i'm still human.


i love you !!
[Edited 11/21/07 0:58am]

&

Thanks for sharing this CHIC0 It's really true what you said

That's a positive way to look at things. I hope when the time comes I can be the same. I am sorry for your loss.

I love you Chico!


I need to have you and a few over for a nighter soon!

Chico, that was very touching. All my love goes out to you and your family.

May God bless your father

Thank you for sharing. Some valuable lessons are there.

Peace

Absolutely beautifully written, Chico. Peace and Joy to you and sent with much love to go along, n

sorry bout your loss, man. a lot of orgers help me deal with the loss of my mom. there's definitely kindness and comfort in strangers.

Beautiful words Chico

Lots of strength to you and your family, C.

you are beautiful, that was beautiful and
thank you for sharing it with us. am in awe.
much love to you

thank you for sharing, that was truly beautiful

aaaahhh Chico

A beautiful tribute to your father.

My best to you and your family during this time.

Beautiful Chico! Big hugs to you!

I'm so sorry to hear about your father.

wow that was some great reading! I share similarities with you and am about to see my dad for the first time in 12 years in 2 weeks. he is coming to stay with me for about 3 months and we have a lot to talk about and work out. tons of past wreckage..... I like how you are handling this and by reading what you have written I have learned another way to look at things if and when this happens to me! good stuff CHICO

Chico-san

I identify with this completely



One day you are midning your own business and the next, life is in your face The last 3 years for me has been just like that I'm happy that you have taken this as an opportunity to learn....about your family but more importantly, about yourself. You are such a caring and loving man and I hope and pray for your continued peace in all this. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am

thank you....

Mushanga
theodore
JuliePurplehead
Muse2NOPharaoh
RodeoSchro
jess555ja
luv4u
heartbeatocean
MoonSongs
Fury
veronikka
littlemissG
HamsterHuey
emm
prb
ZombieKitten
WillyWonka
MoniGram
MIGUELGOMEZ
purplecam
PEJ
SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy

.. & for each of you. you words are taken to heart and appreciated.
love to each and every one of you.

chic0

I love that you gleaned a lesson from all of that AND then shared it with us.

Chico

You are much loved and appreciated here, my friend.

Cinnie said:

thank u Cinnie

MoonSongs said:

and the feeling is mutual. thank you!

You seem to be very strong and pretty relaxed; Very good and beautiful to see. May you find a beautiful way to remember him.

Big hug to you...