Okay so remember back in the day where you had to be married first before living together, whether if it was because of tradition or because of your religion because if you were living together without being married you were living in sin??? (well at least that's what my religion says)

But in this day and age, couples are living together first before getting married (if they so choose to) because they believe that if you can't live with a person then how can you be married to them?

Well what is your position on this?


My family are strong believers on the notion of "if you are female then you don't leave home until you are married" (i know real old fashioned). And I highly disagree with that, I don't believe you should wait until some "prince charming" wisks you away from your parents in order for you to leave home, it's a new day. I would love to live by myself before co-habitating with a boyfriend, and I don't think there isn't anything wrong with that. But as far as living with a boyfriend, I don't know, I really can't see myself living with a man if I don't know if he sees a future for us or not, but I can see myself living with my fiancee while we are working towards a wedding. And this way, because of course engagements doesn't mean that you will get married because anything can happen, this will give us plenty of time to cancel on wedding plans if they are in motion (in case we break up)....but if not, then hopefully we will be in wedded bliss.

And for this reason, I KNOW my family will give me hell when I end up living with the man I hope to live the rest of my life with before we are married.

Does anyone else have to go through this with their family???
[Edited 11/4/07 16:20pm]

Not openly, but there's an emphasis on saying accepting things like "I think of you just like any married couple" that implies that we are NOT a married couple and probably should be.

Fortunately my older bro & sis are married w/kids, to the pressure is off of me somewhat

My family is the same as yours. They are very old-fashioned and it is looked down upon to live with someone that you are not married to . . . . not that it has stopped anyone from doing so

I have a friend who refused to move in with her boyfriend until she got the official proposal and a ring. She was spending all of her time and most nights at his place anyhow, but she maintained her other living space and kept the majority of her things there until it was a done deal. She was able to see what living with him would be like, yet there was a part of her that wasn't ready to commit until he put his foot forward first. For her, that made the most sense.

As for myself, I've never really lived with a boyfriend. (OK, actually I have, but I was 17-18 and he moved in with me in my parent's house. And that one's a long story. ) Anyway the thought of it actually kinda scares me. But I do know I would HAVE to get a sense of what living with that someone would be like before making a marriage commitment. Compatibility in that area is sooooo important.

That and I've lived alone so long, I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with someone. We'll have to have a big place so we can be in opposite corners and pretend each other isn't there once in a while.


oh - and as for the family aspect, they could care less. And it's really none of their busniess anway.

whatever makes you happy....

CarrieMpls said:

I can totally relate to your friend. And you are right, technically it's none of your family's business what you do, but mine always feel have to voice their judgemental opinions about things when you don't ask for it...and I for one hate hearing it.

missfee said:

Every family is different, and I admire families who are so much closer than my own.

I agree with you about living on your own before living with someone else. I think it is an incredibly valuable life experience for any young adult, particularly for women. To know you can do it all and make it on your own before committing to someone else.

Nothing wrong with living common-law

That's the trend people are doing these days.

my parents would very much disapprove if i did that. i'm not looking forward to dealing with their reaction when i do move in with a boyfriend sometime in the future. i agree with what carrie said, it'd have to be really serious for me to consider it & i think it's pretty important to make sure you get along in that respect before you get married.

there's more people living together than marrying here. Since gay/lesbian marriage is legal here, I guess they are practically the only ones getting married around here

My parents are very liberal and would be very happy for me to just be living with a partner. I only have one brother that is married, the other two live with their girlfriends. My parents are more concerned with me living alone for safety reasons.

I think my dad is a little more old fashioned in regards to marriage, but I think my mom would be more than happy for me to never be married as she seems to hold the same view on it as I do. Long term relationship, yes...marriage, no.

My parents are also not all bent out of shape in regards to their children having kids out of wedlock. I've never had anything other than support, never a harsh word about it has been spoken.

But I find it very, very difficult living with another adult...partner or not. I value my privacy and space a little too much I think. I'd rather be in a long term committed relationship with us maintaining our own places. Of course, living together makes things a little easier - financially speaking, but that's the only plus about it, in my eyes anyway.

I like marriage.

JustErin said:

I agree also with the long term committed relationship while each maintains their own places. I agree more with the i stay at your house a couple of nights and you stay over mine a couple of nights more so than living together. And also you hit the nail right on the head with the living together makes it more financially easier...which is why I feel that is necessary when you are planning a wedding.
[Edited 11/4/07 15:49pm]

In my 20s I lived with so many different people in share house situations, some more platonic than others I always viewed these things as temporary and not meant to last more than 18 months tops, and also never treated them so seriously. If a boyfriend asked to move in for a while, I would say sure. That is how I ended up married to him seemed like the next thing to do

There's something kind of exciting about the notion of waiting to move in with someone until you're married.

But I doubt I'd do it. Once I like someone, I tend to spend all my time with them.

I would never want to live with a male friend, but with a female friend or girlfriend; absolutely! I almost only have positive experiences from that since everyday life becomes a lot more enjoyable. You have each other to share thoughts and opinions with, it's easy to take off on little spontaneous mini adventures etc. Even mundane things become infinitely much more enjoyable, like cooking for example, or watching tv. The only recurring "problems" I can think of is if you have very different bedtime hours or if the bed is too small for both to be able to stretch out properly.

Edit: Gosh, I got so caught up in celebrating togetherness that I forgot to answer the question, didn't I? Well my answer is of course yes; you should definitely get to live together without being married.
[Edited 11/4/07 16:49pm]

Tried it twice.

Swore 2 myself i'll never make that mistake again

shaomi said:

Please elaborate.

Personally, I don't believe in living together before marriage. I think a woman is short changing herself that way. The guy is getting all the benefits of marriage and none of the responsibilities. If he gets tired of her, he can just leave or send her packing with no obligations.

However, I think every young woman should experience living alone at least a couple of years before getting married, if she chooses to marry. I think it builds self esteem, which a lot of women lack, and teaches her that she can be independant. Marriage should be a choice, not something you stay in or get into because you have no other options.

Lifey with wifey

tmo1965 said:

I think in this day and age you find a lot of women living single, alone and preferring it that way, cause SHE sent HIM packing.

And I totally agree, I wonder if those women made to live with their parents until marriage, might leap into something simply because it is the lesser of 2 evils.

I cannot imagine marrying someone before I lived with them.Then again my mom's rule was that I had to move out by the time I was 18 no matter what. I was NOT ready to get married at 18 so I moved out and sharing a house with 2 friends of mine.
I guess it comes down to how you are raised and what you are used to.

shanti0608 said:

I reckon if I had not moved out before I was 18 I would have been kicked out too.

ZombieKitten said:

My mom had a few set of rules that she stuck by no matter what. I think she made me aware of the "moving out before 18" one when I was about 10 years old. That way I could start planning I guess.
I never got in to trouble, she just had a rule and that was that.
She was that type of parent..she was a single mom so she had to be the mom and the dad..she sure accomplished that.
She wanted me to be able to live on my own, she did not help me buy a car and I had to wait until I had enough money for the car and the insurance because I was not allowed on her insurance policy.
I do not think I will be that strict if I have a child. She took it to the extreme.

I'm all for living together.
It means alot less traveling in between lays.

retina said:

She cooks. You watch TV

That's how God wanted things to be

I never had a live in boyfriend b4 I got married, which catually had nothing to do with family or religion. Not that I didn't have anyone that wanted to move in with me, I gues I just never went out with anyone I wanted to co-habitate with and sleep with as well
When hubby and I started a relationship it was long distance ( we had met once previously) and we actually didnt live together until two years after we were married and he left the USA navy and moved here permanently.
In a way I wish I had lived with a boyfriend b4...because then I would have known what I was in for!! And by the time we started to live together, I was thrity and had a child from a previous relationship, so I was rather set in my ways. Eight years of living together and it is "Still" a learning experience

PANDURITO said:

what are all your children doing at this time? if I cook the master has to keep the kids out of the kitchen and THAT is a full time job and I know which one I would rather be doing, cooking, with a stiff drink and my favorite CD (to drown out the shrieking and thumping from the TV room )

shanti0608 said:

I can't even imagine expecting my 18 yr old to move out

Mach said:

I moved out a week before I turned 18. I could not wait to get out and get on with my life. I really didn't have a choice but to leave to go study though, unless my folks relocated