Seems like the wrong place to post this but I need to get it all off my chest.

I've been with partner for a long time (10+yrs) but I've completely fallen for someone else. I can't stop thinking about him and love being around him. When I see him it feels great but then I feel like crap after. It seems pretty obvious that he likes me too...he flirts a lot (and i mean a lot!!) and i would love to take it further. Now for the really rubbish bit...he's getting married!!

What can i do to stop myself from feeling like this? should i tell him how i feel?

C'mon you lot, you talk a lot of crap sometimes but you give some people some real good advice.

walk away

Its infatuation and lust. It is not love. Take a second and step back...step out of your circle and look at what you are doing. Look at your partner and remind yourself why you married him/her or why you are with them. Look at this new person and what is your attraction...if he is flirting with you and feels the same about you thats a big sign...why? Because hes getting friggen married and he is eyeing someone else. What makes you think that if you break off your life that you have now and go with him, he wont' do the same to you one day?

Take some time off walk away like mdiver said, take some time to work things out with your partner and bring out the love back into the relationship. It isn't work the pain and anguish you are going to go through if you do this.

he's getting married. don't. get out of that situation asap, and maybe evaluate whether or not you should even stay with your current partner.

evenstar said:

Thank you everyone....you're all so sensible!!

I know what you're all saying is the right thing to do but it isn't easy. I've been feeling like this for months and months. I try to keep my distance but we work togther so it isn't easy. I'm 99.5% sure he wouldn't leave his partner for me and I'm even more sure that he wouldn't cheat on her - he's a nice guy. I wouldn't want him to cheat on her, I'd only be interested if it was going somewhere. But in my head there's still that little 0.5% (or maybe less) chance of something happening...until i get that out of my head i can't move on.

As for it being lust/infatuation not love...who knows. What i do know is that i haven't felt like this about anyone since i met my partner 15 years ago, in fact I'd never even thought about anyone else in all that time. I also know who'd i choose if i had to make a choice.

I am evaluating things with my current partner, my head is completely confused. It's a huge decision.

i'm guessing you work with this guy?

distance. get as far away as possible.
it's the only way to get rid of the rose
colored glasses and see the situation for
what it is. full of anguish and pain.

mdiver said:

RUN!

littlemissG said:

That works too....just faster

mdiver said:

Ok..I'll go with you two....I'll run as fast as I can TO him!!

No seriously, I know you're all right it just isn't that easy. He's soooo lovely....

I hate to be picky but I don't think posting an emoticon is going to help the original posters situation.
[Edited 12/23/07 5:05am]

purplesweat said:

Well as I sadly don't know what advice to give and thus cannot help her in her situation I just wanted to show her that I am sorry what she is going through.
What about you, what advice do you have?

Been there.

While dating someone, I was in a situation similar to yours -- being hit on constantly by a coworker who not only was engaged to be married but who was engaged to be married to another dude who worked with us. And her fiancé and I knew each other from way back. She knew all of this, and didn´t seem to care. People who are like that can seem extremely exciting and charming and often are very attractive.

But, it's really important, in such situations, to study their behavior. They're acting out some insecurities and you're the object of them. But people like that have absolutely no credibility. Declarations of love ring hollow (ask your coworker's fianceé) -- so, think about how meaningless flirtation from that person must be.

They're not worth your confusion. But, you should look at how your relationship factors into that confusion. You mention not feeling like this since the start of your present relationship. Butterflies shouldn't carry that much weight. The investment you've made in that longtime relationship should. Look for ways to rekindle those butterflies in that longtime relationship.

ThreadBare said:

I think you're so right. He did actually tell me at one point that he flirts because he is insecure.

This has been going on for about 8/9 months. I start to feel better then something happens and i'm right back to square one. It just feels like there's somekind of connection between us, it feels like more than just flirting. I get sooo excited when he calls about something. He kind of knows how I feel about him (though i haven't told him outright) and knows I'm not happy in current relationship and often gives advice and supports me. I'm wondering whether i should just be completely honest with him and let it all out. I'll find it hard letting him get married without knowing how i feel...i very much doubt it will change anything but at least i would have tried.

starfish100 said:

If you tell him how you feel you might find out if it is just flirting for him. You might regret to not have told him even though it is unlikely that it will change anything.
Does your partner know that you are struggling?

starfish100 said:

That was his way of being straight with you. He basically said, "Don't pay this much mind. My flirtations aren't serious."

Believe him. And work on your situation.

mdiver said:

co fucking sign.

Leaving one relationship for another one is always a bad thing, IMO. Before you make any decision about this other person, you need to evaluate the relationship you're in first. If you decide to end it with your partner, it needs to happen in and of itself, not because of (what sounds like) an infatutation for another person.

Ok. Thanks everyone. You're all so damn sensible!! Why didn't any of you tell me I had to tell him exactly how I feel?! guess cos that would be the wrong thing to do.

Have decided to keep it all to myself, will not say a word to him. If I do tell him I know it won't change anything but could make it very awkward between us, I don't want that. So I'll keep quiet and enjoy his company (and his flirting!) while I can. You never know something may happen between him and his partner before they get married....and on the same day elvis will be spotted in tesco and pigs will be seen flying past the window.

Here's to a better new year!!