Okay, so I feel weird doing this, especially since I don't usually post in GD, but I really need some advice so I hope you all will help me out. I've been really good friends with this guy at school for like a bit over 2 years and he is awesome, we get along great and he's like a male version of me and we are close friends ....but as you all have probably figured by now, as time has gone on, I've grown to be attracted to him, but I can tell he thinks of me as strictly a best friend. I don't mind, until...he gets a girlfriend (like he currently has). Then things get really weird. I can't really force myself to talk around them and as a matter of fact, I just got back from the most AWKWARD sushi dinner I've ever had. There was so much dead silence it was scary and he was the only one talking at all. When it's just the two of us we have sort of a "old married couple" type relationship but when another girl is there I can't help but get stiff and weird...Now I don't know what to do, cause I miss hanging with him all the time, but I know that spending time with him will mean spending time with her and I really don't wanna do that...What should I do?....What would you do?....Can men and women ever truley be 'just friends' without one of them getting hurt? Help!
[Edited 11/13/07 15:38pm]
[Edited 11/13/07 16:17pm]

Oh Gawd!! I'm Chris Brander!

Girl, I can sooooo relate to this. I'm going through the same thing

Ohh I've been such a non-sexaul "straight male" firend to a lot of girls.
That's before I came out.

jess555ja said:

It sucks so bad!
and its like, I'm fine with the way things are until he starts dating somebody, and I don't want my sadness to show, so I just end up being quiet alot when the 3 of us are together and tellling him I'm just stressed out with work/school

You're asking too many questions at the same time...

As for the initial question, yes, I do think men and women can be just friends. It's rare though.

But this is clearly not 'just a friend'. I'd say... evaluate your feelings in a few weeks, and if the feeling is still that strong, tell him the necessary. If you don't and keep feeling like this, you'll eventually lose him.

rushing07 said:

well that would be a whole other issue if he turned out to be gay!

yup, i think they can, but when one person hides their feelings, like you're doing , it gets really complicated. do you not like his girlfriend as a person, or just because she's with him?

MarieLouise said:

This is great advice!

only if they aren't attracted to each other, and then for some reason they probably wouln't bother being friends strangely enough

MarieLouise said:

Sorry, about the question overload
Its just that I just came back from dinner with him and his new girlfriend and I had ALOT to get off my chest

The thing is, I don't feel right telling him how I feel because I don't want to make things uncomfortable. I like that we play around and flirt, and cuddle each other, but I think that if I told him how I really felt that would stop.

but then maybe it should stop??? you think?

evenstar said:

She's nice, not somebody I would hang with, and I know I should stop being being creepy silent when she's around, but I just don't know what to say.

thekidsgirl said:

Ask her about the concerts and shows she's been to and make her give you a review! That way you can still be silent and listen and you can be engaged at the same time

Well.....I'm a big fan of expressing oneself and would suggest you tell him the real deal. What if he likes you too but thinks you don't like him that way! It's very possible that is not the case but what if it is..... How long has he been going out with this chick? Is he super serious about her? Don't force him to choose or any of that shit but you just never know how things could turn out if all the facts aren't on the table.

Good luck KG!

to be honest I think this is an unanswerable question - it depends on the guy.

as for your question TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!
[Edited 11/6/07 15:32pm]

thekidsgirl said:

it sucks, i know. like everyone's saying, you gotta come clean to him about how you feel eventually. don't make him choose between you or his girlfriend, though.

Yes, they totally can....as long as they are BOTH NOT sexually attracted to each other.

benyamin said:

I expected some of that brit sarcasm
but that actually makes sense.

rushing07 said:

I WAS SERIOUS WTFBBQ.

JustErin said:

Whatever!!!.....

And to answer the initial question.....no I don't think so.....

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Strangely enough though, thats one of the first things I usually ask new ppl...Whats your favorite type of music? What was the last concert you went to



thanks boo!

I should be honest with him, but I'm sure he wants to keep things as friends, especially since we've been close for a while now. He says he's not to serious with her, but then he'd say that regardless. But I definitely would never pressure him to choose or anything like that cause that craps not even fair

benyamin said:

JustErin said:

that's mostly true i think. but i've got a friend i might find attractive if i wasn't completely head over heels for someone else, but our friendship works anyway.

evenstar said:

yeah, I know everybody's right, that I should just be honest, but when it comes to sharing emotions and having heart to hearts I'm such a guy! I avoid those "we need to talk" moments like the black plauge. So when stuff like this comes up it just makes me want to shy away to avoid the stress

thekidsgirl said:

me too!! i get way too nervous & want to run away and hide. you think there's any chance he might already have guessed how you feel about him?

JustErin said:

yeah, I agree.

Im also beginning to believe that over time, people who may not have been initially all that attractive to you can begin to become more appealing when you dig his or her personality

evenstar said:

Then you feel my pain as I read all these "tell him how you feel" replies! I know it's the mature and right thing to do, but damn, do I have to?

and I don't know if he knows how I feel already? We have such a close, quasi-flirtatious relationship already, I think it would be hard to tell what was sincere and what wasn't. Most of my friends have asked me if we were dating and alot of complete strangers have too.

pardonme4livin said:

Ew, so you're saying you bone people you are not sexually attracted to??

evenstar said:

[Edited 11/6/07 16:04pm]