This was today's "Strawberry Letter"


I have a big problem!!I’m a 31 year old woman and my man is 36. We both have never been married and have no children. I’ve been with my man for a little over a year and our sex life sucks!!! When we first starting dating it was on and popin. We fell in love instantly. We couldn’t get enough of each other, making love 2 times a day. In the first 4 months of us dating we both gained 30 lbs. I understand that men are physical and he did tell me that he doesn’t find me as attractive as he use to. To me I didn’t care because I fell in love with him. I’m a very physical person and I have expressed to him that I need to have sex. We have fun together, going out of town, dinner concerts but no sex. In the year 2007 we have had sex 4 times. I’ve tried to break up with him several times but he keeps telling me that thing will be different. We would have sex that one night and back to the same ole same. He says that once we both loose the weight things will be back. For some strange reason I don’t think that he is cheating on me. The no sex sign is there but my gut is saying no. He told me that he wants to marry me. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m getting tired of this no intimacy. I have thought about cheating on him but it is just not in me. What should I do, he’s a great guy, my friends and family love him, I love him but I think if this continues I will cheat on him and destroy everything. Signed, need help


Steve said she was lying and the man didn't gain 30 pounds, but the woman did. Is the man right for denying sex?

Often times you hear people say that if you truly love someone you wouldn't care if they gained weight. I say there's a flip side to that that says if you loved me you wouldn't take me for granted and let yourself go. It doesn't sound like he's "denying" sex per se, but more like there isn't a physical attraction there. But he obviously cares as he's still there.

He's put his cards on the table by saying "once we both loose the weight things will be back". Now it's up to her to decide if that's an acceptable mandate for saving their relationship.

Janfriend said:

Oh dear Lord! Does it matter? NOT A FIT! Move on with it... get in where you fit in! This is viewed as a supposed compromise but its just a fact.... find where you fit but more importantly where you fit in..... no need to continue to fit a square peg n a round hole.... and to contemplate the reasons why said round hole is displeased with your square fit... such is a waste of time. be efficient and at least expedient and seek what is yours to have


that or grow old in times bitter garden and blame it on circumstance instead of yourself....

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I think this post made me horny...so many holes...

Mars23 said:

Our hands match and thus you confuse this to have shallow connotations!

Janfriend said:

In all sincerity it really could be that he's no tpurposely denying it, but he has a problem with his sex drive as a result of the weight gain. I actually experienced this personally before. When I put on too much weight and don't excercise my sexual drive dips straight to the ground. They just need to get up and get active and get those endorphins flowing again and truuuust a person can hop back in the sex saddle in no time flat

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Agreed. If she's been trying since the beginning of this year to no avail, time to move it along. They're simply not compatible.

Janfriend said:

No where in this story it was said that he denied it. And I don't think there's right or wrong. If he doesn't feel like it, it's his choice. You can't force someone to do it, because then it would just not have the same effect.

I understand how you feel,It good that your telling him
how you feel,I think your weight isn't the problem there some thing
that he keeping from you.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to be with someone that doesn't find them attractive? That would be called a friendship not a relationship.

Her choices are: lose weight and see what happens or stay the way she is and move on to someone else that is attracted to her now.

WTF?!?!?!? Pfff.....

He's saying if they lose weight then things will be right back on point, but from the sounds of it he's not trying to do anything. If he really wanted to lose weight and wanted her to lose weight then he should try and encourage her by him making some moves and getting their diets together! If physical attraction is the case then that's my opinion!
[Edited 11/7/07 8:03am]

She needs to move on. Why should SHE lose weight for HIM?? If she wants to lose weight to feel better about herself then great, but to lose it for someone else is just going to cause her to gain it back. There are men out there that are attracted to women for there personalities. I'm a big woman and my husband tells me how sexy I am all the time and I get hit on more now then I did when I was 120lbs in high school.

EverSoulicious said:

I see this all the time.

The root of the problem is that the writer cannot spell "lose" correctly. She spells is "loose".

We all know where "loose" came from - the internet. So obviously, the writer spends way too much time on the internet.

There you go.

RodeoSchro said:

JustErin said:

Well, then you have this whole "Should I tell my friend I love them or not?" dynamic, which we all recently learned is an unsolvable conundrum.

RodeoSchro said:

Gimme some time. I'll get it done.

JustErin said:

I know you will. You cannot stop LOVE! It's like a bird that flies over a hilltop, yanno...

RodeoSchro said:

Excuse me while I

maybe he has erectile dysfunction....

she needs to find someone who accepts her for who she is not her weight. if he really loves her it shouldn't matter. i don't see why she's even trying to please someone who can't accept all of her. its time to move on.

paisleypark4 said:

if thats the case he should speak up. Thats his wife.

I don't do FAT CHICKS period. It is my preference. If the woman I am with gains a lot of weight and is not willing to do something about it, I will most likely move on, BUT not after attempting to motivate her by working out with her, walking, etc. I know how metabolisms slow down and carrying a baby can do things to a woman's body and that is all fine to me. But I keep myself in tip top shape and won't stand for a partner that doesn't have the same wherewithall to take care of her body as I do. She doesn't have to be as maniacal as I am, but just keep it tight.

She needs to lose weight....the dead weight that is her man.

Lothan said:

Some men just don't like curves on their partners...

Justin1972UK said:

I was going to say he was cheating on her.

DexMSR said:

wow really?

Hiding behind the weight gain is a crock of shit... boyfriend is cheating on her!

This truly a sad story.

Mach said:

she's right