about theft, vandalism, break and enter...
gimme the goods. i think the craziest thing i read here
was about an orger (endo??) who had his battery stolen out
from under the hood of his car that's jacked up.

i remember that story.

that was jacked up but also funny as hell.

Had a Christmas wreath taken off my door once..


I couldn't help but laugh...
[Edited 11/3/07 18:32pm]

never had anything stolen jasmine?

funkpill said:

lol i think your most recent story about a type of vandalism
is your most jacked up story.
lol yeah but stealing a wreath, yeah you have to laugh or

emm said:

some girl in 7th gade stole my calligraphy pen. when i confronted her about it she said that her grandmother had given it to her. i considered the fact that i never even bothered to learn how to write in calligraphy and decided not to get in a fight over it.

umm....this other girl stole a delia's catalouge from my house. I just called up the company and had them send me another.

funkpill said:

OMG, that happened to me once too. I could not believe it, especially for the neighborhood that I live in. Someone must have REALLY liked it.

I have so many. One happened around about a year ago. I was hanging around my friends' band quite a lot. Bunch of alcohol use and stuff. Anyway, this groupie, who we'll call "Sara", started coming around a lot. And right away I was in love with her. I mean butterflies, loss of appetite, etc. I could barely function around her. Anyway, she had very little interest in me (but I tried damn it) and she ended up going for the bass player and my best friend since grade school. He had a lot more feelings for her than I did. Looking back on it, I just wanted her because my chances of getting laid were the best I'd ever had. I wanted to bone her bad, and she was so....erm.... slutty, I thought my chances were damn good. But my friend was in love, as in, wanted to marry, and move in with, etc. Well, sometime after I met her (a month or two after), we all had another party. I still had a thing for her. Well this particular day, I hadn't eaten in about 24hrs. and operating on a couple hours of sleep. So the party is carrying on....good tunes, everyone laughing, etc. and the band took a break for some drinks. Everyone was lining up for shots and "Sara" was a bar-tender. She starts pouring drinks for everyone and gives one to me. I tell her I ain't feeling to hot, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. I drank it down and threw up right away. Anyway, after that episode "Sara" was smashed, She started making out with other chicks etc. On a whim we all decided to drive to the beach. While we're driving "Sara" came and tried to make out with me, but I couldn't do it, because of my friend. When we got to the beach me and him had a LONG conversation about my loyalty to him and stuff. The rest of the night was spent trying to keep my other friend (because he was BOMBED to the 1000th power) from chocking on his own vomit, and keeping him standing up so he didn't fall over and smash his head on the cement

A couple of times some years back people tried to make off with Buddhist icons and amulets from the house. One was apprehended not far from here and the other fell off the back balcony trying to make his escape.

I'm not superstitious but I'm not sure Buddhist amulets are a good thing to try to steal. Probably safer to go for the TV or something. My brother in law repeatedly stole amulets and their gold necklaces from his parents to sell them and he now lies in a bed 24 hours a day and is spoon fed. I'm not saying necessarily it's for that reason, but it's food for thought. There are some things that you just don't do.

psychodelicide said:

My next door neighbor had their gate stolen... THEIR GATE!!!


She went outside to empty the garbage and said, "Where in the hell is my gate?!!!"

Fauxie said:

what happened to him?!

funkpill said:

OMG, that is TOTALLY messed up!

I also had things stolen by my sister in law (ex-sister in law since Mon's brother broke split up with her and married a much nicer girl).

She stole...

My mobile phone
Mon's mobile phone
Mon's sister's mobile phone
1000 baht notes from our room on at least 2 occasions
Several hundred baht from Mon's mother probably more times than we know
A few items of jewelry

We actually caught her a couple of times but she always wriggled her way out of it one way or another, or we couldn't absolutely 100% prove it (but things just went 'missing' all the time ). We were just so incredulous she would continue to do this, living in the house rent free, eating for free quite often, and considering I'd paid the hospital fees when Nong Golf was born, which is why we probably gave her too many chances to change and were too lax about keeping our stuff safe.

Anyway, Mon's brother's wife now is lovely and all is well.

ZombieKitten said:

He was in a road accident some 6 or 7 years ago. He was riding a motorbike and was knocked down by a van. It wasn't his fault, this time. Mon's parents have been waiting for the compensation for as long as I've been here. Previously he'd been in several accidents while drunk and 'miraculously' always escaped unscathed while others were less fortunate. It's sad to see him each day just lying there, rashes on his body, his parents having to take care of everything for him (his wife lives with her parents quite a way away). I'd be lying if I said the cruel irony of how he came to be like that was lost on the family, but it's all very sad.

I should note this is Mon's older brother, not the younger brother I referred to earlier (Golf's father).

psychodelicide said:

yup...



and i had my gate latch stolen

had to put a lock on it after gettin a new one...

funkpill said:

Damn!

alright so my car is still here this morning. not sure if i should be glad or pissed off

friday night about 1:30 i heard loud banging and tried to figure out where the sound was coming from. i even stuck my head out the back door to see if i could see or hear anything. nothing.

the next morning i am alerted to the fact that my car has been busted into glass everywhere and the steering column is broke. i bet i scared them off when i stuck my head out the back door and the porch light came on.

i'm just so pissed that i heard them and didn't investigate further. so last night i took every blessed thing out of the car in case they came back to finish the job. the car isn't worth shit so it almost would have been better if they had taken the damn thing.

but i know that story is nothing compared to what some of you have gone through... that's why i asked for stories

emm said:

Yeah, if it was properly insured then maybe that would have been just as well. I got a tiny crack in the bumper from a collision in Vancouver and received $1000 cash for repairs! Seems like the Canadian insurance system can be a pretty sweet deal...


Either way, sorry to hear about your car.

Two days ago I was walking around downtown with my camera over my shoulder. I always hold on tightly to the strap just in case, because it's a pretty expensive piece of equipment. Suddenly a guy bumps into me, seemingly without reason, and mumbles "excuse me" after which he disappears quickly in the crowd. I immediately check my wallet and it's there. Then I look down at my camera and the hood is gone. What kind of a two bit crook takes the risk of a confrontation to steal a camera hood?

A friend of mine once left her laundry in the laundry room of her building a little longer than she should have and someone rifled through it and stole all her panties!

emm said:

The sad thing is, it happened to him more than once!!!!!

CarrieMpls said:

That's pretty common in Japan. If you're female and live on the ground floor you simply cannot hang out your laundry to dry. It will be gone in no time, especially the underwear.

Fauxie said:

yeah, your life there has been a soap opera!
and golf is living where now? still with you two?

retina said:

don't you think he was hoping to make off with more than that?
good thing you checked. i'm such a mark i would have probably been picked clean.

I was working as a bookkeeper at a large upscale apartment complex and someone stole the Christmas tree out of the lobby. Security followed the trail of tinsel to an apartment on the 14th floor. The resident stood there lying about stealing it while the tree was in plain sight in her apartment.

I beat up some guys that tried to steal some stuff out of my buddy's car. One of them tried to run away and I chased after him, yelling all kinds of bad stuff about his mama.

He looked back at me and tripped, right in front of a pool hall. I started laughting at him, and he jumped up and tried to kick me. I caught his foot and made him dance like a puppet. I was laughing too hard to kick him in the balls, and he broke free and ran away.

All the while, my "buddy" just stood there, too afraid to help. And it was HIS car.

I called my wife and told her the story. I said, "Honey. I'm freaking BATMAN!" She thought I was an idiot because those guys might have had guns or knives. Of course, she was right.

This is only the second-most jacked-up story I have, but it's the only one I get to call myself "Batman".

The weirdest one occurred 20 years ago, while my wife and I were living in a townhouse. We had to catch a 6:00 AM flight, so we were leaving at 5:00 AM. We had parked our black Suburban with black-tinted windows outside the night before.

I set the house alarm and lock up, and approach the Suburban. I am carrying a hanging garment back in my left hand. My right hand has the keys. I hit the remote unlock and when I get to the driver's door, I notice the center console is open and there is stuff on the passenger seat.

My first thought is, "How did my wife get in the car so fast?" I realized there was already someone in the car just about the time he jumped out the back door, right at me.

He was a 40-ish white hippie. Short, stocky, a full head of long, thick hair, and a beard. He jumped out of the car and screamed "AAAAAWWWWWRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

I thought the Wolfman was attacking me, so I screamed "YYYYYAAAAAHHHHHGGGGG!!!!!" At no time did I drop the garment bag.

Wolfman starts running away...well, "Running" is putting it nicely. The Wolfman was not an athlete. I could have caught him if I had walked fast. But all I wanted him to do was leave.

So I yelled at him, "RUN YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!! RUN!!!!!" Well, that was what I WANTED to yell. I was so jacked up on adreneline that what came out was "PDIREWNFDJWDGSAOSDRJGREOTRJS!!!!!" I think the nonsensical yelling, coupled with the cool aplomb of holding a garment bag, made the guy continue running.

After this, the story gets really weird...

...So I don't know how many other Wolfmen are there, and I decide to set off both the car alarm and the house alarm to scare off bad guys and, hopefully, draw some neighbors outside.

When I went into the house, I had to decide whether or not to get the gun I had. It was an old .22 my dad had given me. I had never fired it. I had no idea if it would fire, or even if it was loaded. I'm not a gun guy.

In the space of five seconds, I thought through the possibilities 1,000 times. Get the gun, and shoot any other bad guys. No, wait - statistics say I'm more likely to get shot with my own gun than the bad guy is. Screw the stats, get the gun. No, don't. I'll die. Over and over.

I decided against the gun.

Wolfman was gone, and he was alone. Only one neighbor came out. She lived in the condos across the street. She asked if we were OK. We said, "Yeah, thanks." She said she'd called the cops. Again, I said, "Thanks".

Now this is where the story gets really weird...

oh my god
these are great.



i mean...

...Six months later, I'm bowling with some friends. One guy has his girlfriend with him. I tell the Wolfman story, and she goes white as a ghost. "You're the guy," she says.

It turns out that a couple minutes before Wolfman jumped out of my car, this girl woke up out of a dead sleep. Instantly, she knew something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Her first thought was that her mother, in California, was in danger. But immediately she knew that no, the danger was close and immediate. She thought there must be an intruder in her home.

She grabbed a baseball bat and went downstairs to check. As she was scoping out the first floor, she heard the Wolfman scream as he jumped out of my car, then she heard me scream. She saw the whole thing go down through her window.

I don't know what made her wake up right before this episode.